To admit I live like this to see if anyone else does?

[11ds]

I keep this a secret. I don’t expect it to be common but I wonder if anyone else lives like this?

I have a nice home, I am a single parent to a toddler. I look totally normal to the outside world and dress well etc. I am clean. DS’s spaces are always clean and tidy. But the rest of my home is awful. My bedroom is littered with tissue and labels from clothes or empty toilet rolls. It’s cluttered. Boxes still unopened from when I moved a year ago. I don’t let ds see any of this.

I don’t have a sofa. I have no rugs or a wardrobe (ds has a wardrobe). I keep my clothes in a pile on the floor.

I don’t own proper cooking utensils or oven gloves. I just pick food from the oven with my sleeve. I don’t have a duvet cover. I have one tiny hand towel to dry body and hair.

these are just a few weird things. It’s not a money problem. I have 100k savings and earn 4.5k a month. I spend money on nice make up and will get my hair done or buy ds nice toys etc. I always think one day I will sort a wardrobe etc but I never get round to it. I never feel it’s justified as I’ve just got used to living like this.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me? I assume this isn’t common? Am I mentally unwell? I dare not share it with anyone IRL!

If you can't do it for yourself then do it for your ds as he Will notice and he WILL be affected by it. Doesn't he come in for a cuddle in your bed in the morning?

All DS’s spaces are really nice. He has a nice room and also nice playroom and I keep the kitchen nice for him where he eats so there’s photo frames and all his pictures he’s done are on the wall etc.

I really don’t know why I can’t make the changes. I am so used to living like this. I eat dinner on the bed with tv on as there’s no sofa, or sometimes I sit on the floor.

Start small? Get yourself an oven glove then go from there
Make a list of what you need
Bin bag for the rubbish, stack the boxes
Set yourself a timer for 15-30 mins a day and use that time to sort the boxes

It isn't common OP

Why don't you think of yourself as deserving of basic comforts like a duvet set or a towel? You might need to speak to your GP.

Did just want to say, I kind of understand, although I'm actually pretty poor (2nd hand furniture, all falling apart):

I've got severe, combined ADHD and MH problems: currently, going through a MH crisis, and my home is a shit tip. Ordinarily, do my absolute best to at least keep it clean.

Ha - knew ADHD would be suggested very quickly. Classic mumsnet. It's pretty insulting to keep suggesting that everyone who is experiencing issues has ADHD.

I have ADHD and I have a sofa. I'm not always the tidiest but I don't leave old toilet rolls around. I have an oven glove... more than one.

OP, are you happy living like this? Is there a reason you think you are making those choices?

But the living room, the bathroom, these are his spaces. He’s not some tenant to stay in his room.

i don’t want to be harsh but you must be very mentally unwell to live like this and not know that.

No I don’t think this is normal, or necessary. I can understand things becoming too overwhelming to start fixing though, and how time consuming and stressful getting house stuff sorted is.

Could you make a list of the things you’d like to sort, from little things like kitchen things to bigger things like a wardrobe and sofa and work through them bit by bit?

@MrsPelligrinoPetrichor no he is still in a cot so he doesn’t come in. I don’t want him to get wind of any of this and I do make sure all his spaces are warm and tidy and fully furnished

I have ADHD and it's not offensive. I dont live like this but I can see why people are suggesting it.

But he doesn’t have a sofa to sit on and kitchen utensils to have food cooked and served on?! Stop being lazy!

I don’t think a messy bedroom is unusual but the other things are and I would be concerned if I visited your home and noticed this stuff and I would think that perhaps you were depressed or had something else was going on.

Your ds is small now but it won’t be long before he notices these things. Maybe pick one small thing at a time and work through getting the basics.

Your child deserves better. And so do you.

I'd spend some of your money on counselling. And then hopefully work your way towards having a home that your child can bring friends home to.

I feel mean pressurising you, as there's clearly something wrong that, at the moment, you can't help. But really, your child needs to grow up in a normal home environment, so that she can socialise and also learn what a home should be.

Start one step at a time. Get on a sofa site even if DFS just order a sofa. They will deliver and build for you.

Not normal OP, I mean this gently - but you need to seek out help; it’s not fair on your DS.

Start by making a list.
Online you could order a 2 seater sofa (IKEA) and pay someone to construct it for you if needs be, or order one from DFS, then they’ll deliver it.
Order household things like oven gloves, duvet cover and a wardrobe from John Lewis. All done in one go, all to your door.

Don't live like this, it’s very dysfunctional and not fair on your son.

Is this your first actual home as an adult ?

I was thinking all sounded quirky but ok, till you got to the tiny hand towel. Noooo! a lovely big bath towel plus a small one for your hair is what you need. Change that and I’m sure you will feel like your day2day life has 100% improved.

@Theweepywillow sorry yes there are three bathrooms and the one he uses is always tidy too. It’s just my spaces that are like this. Luckily the house is quite big.

But he’s a toddler, he should have a bed soon enough. And a living room , a sofa. He can use, those are his spaces.

They're not though. You don't have a sofa, for a start. And you just have a bit of clear space near the table.

I’m sorry but this is really upsetting me. The way you’re saying his space.

So you need to start sorting it now then because it won't be long before he'll want to run into your bed in the mornings or when he's ill/ has a nightmare. Do it for him because he deserves it and so do you. Then go and see a therapist, put your money to good use.

My house is like this sometimes. I prioritise myself last so for example the kids clothes get put away a couple of times a week but my clothes are piled up. My youngest still sleeps in my room so can’t do it at night and I just can’t find the time to prioritise it over all the other stuff that needs to be done in my house!

I have ADHD too, that's why I suggested it. Sometimes I just cannot get round to fixing, cleaning or buying things that are needed. I tend to ignore them or think I don't need them as I've managed so long without. Not large items like a wardrobe or sofa, though. We've needed scissors for about 2 years and still haven't bought any. 🤔