To admit I live like this to see if anyone else does?

[11ds]

I keep this a secret. I don’t expect it to be common but I wonder if anyone else lives like this?

I have a nice home, I am a single parent to a toddler. I look totally normal to the outside world and dress well etc. I am clean. DS’s spaces are always clean and tidy. But the rest of my home is awful. My bedroom is littered with tissue and labels from clothes or empty toilet rolls. It’s cluttered. Boxes still unopened from when I moved a year ago. I don’t let ds see any of this.

I don’t have a sofa. I have no rugs or a wardrobe (ds has a wardrobe). I keep my clothes in a pile on the floor.

I don’t own proper cooking utensils or oven gloves. I just pick food from the oven with my sleeve. I don’t have a duvet cover. I have one tiny hand towel to dry body and hair.

these are just a few weird things. It’s not a money problem. I have 100k savings and earn 4.5k a month. I spend money on nice make up and will get my hair done or buy ds nice toys etc. I always think one day I will sort a wardrobe etc but I never get round to it. I never feel it’s justified as I’ve just got used to living like this.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me? I assume this isn’t common? Am I mentally unwell? I dare not share it with anyone IRL!

@11ds my children and partners have bought a lot of stuff from IKEA and tkmaxx which is lovely.

Our local charity sells a lot of furniture too if you're overwhelmed by choice or costs.

No, it’s not common especially for someone who has so much money. You also have to be pretty organised to earn that kind of salary. You don’t even have to go out to the shops to get things you need.

One tiny change you could make today is put your own clothes in your one wardrobe. A boy toddler does not need a wardrobe!

Taking someone else shopping with you is a really good idea

Oh yes, homesence and tk max.

Op procrastinate and over thinking is the enemy here.

Just order a clothes rail first.

This will take you a while to sort out so in the meantime work with what you have, which seems to be ability and desire to care for your son.

With that in mind start to do things for your son by doing things for yourself (eg - having and using appropriate towels).

Model an adult who has self worth and can care for themselves. This is vital for your son and his future relationship with himself. Don't underestimate how much they observe or how they interpret.

By doing one small thing a day for yourself in order to teach and care for your son, you may be able to start unpicking this issue.

I am sure it took a while to build up that behaviour/belief system in yourself so it will take an equal amount of time to unpick. By that I mean, be nice and give yourself time.

You're a mistaken woman or a troll and off the beaten track.

My house is a state. It’s surface clean but the cupboards are full and I can’t get anymore in. My bedroom is gross. I have anxiety and ground in circles trying to decide where to start

I've been doing one cupboard a day. I've awful arthritic pain now, so a whole room is out of the question. Read the other day about setting a 15 minute timer. When the bell goes you can stop.

I also take my tablet into the room and listen to netflix, prime Disney to make it easier

Sorry if this has been said already but I think it would be a good idea to explore this with a therapist, OP. There seems to be quite a complex psychological basis to your behaviour. If you feel you can, try to start small and get one thing per week. I.e. start with the sofa this week if you feel that's a priority, oven glove next week etc. It sounds like your son is quite small but please be aware that this way of going on will effect him hugely so you can make changes now to ensure it doesn't. You obviously absolutely adore him. What you say about leaving bits of rubbish on the bedroom floor makes me think of how hoarding can begin, as well. Another reason to seek help from a professional, to nip it in the bud. Best wishes to you, you and your son deserve a comfortable and practical home.

There's no backtracking, and there's nothing contradictory in any of OP's posts.

She has gone into slightly more detail and corrected inaccurate extrapolations in later posts. You could certainly argue that some of her behaviour seems contradictory, but that is exactly the problem she has identified.

I see nothing implausible here. I don't have children, but my house has guest access and guest free zones that contrast in a similar way to what OP describes.

Someone can even 'just' have traits rather than meet the full criteria and still have those traits disable them. I've never really been ale to work really due to ASD/ADHD traits, even though I don't meet the full criteria. My social functioning is limited too.

@11ds It's worth being referred though to have the assessment. You and I get by though, we're just different.

I hear you. My oven hasn't worked for a few months. I could easily afford to replace it, but that feels like hassle

What’s your problem ?

“I buy a new duvet every month as I can never decide what duvet cover to get.”

You buy white. There’s no decision to be made - except in respect to fabric and then it’s linen or cotton (always buy cotton in the best quality you can afford).

You don’t need a lot of money. This weekend go to ikea. One of their best sellers is a white duvet cover with matching pillow cases.

Ikea has cheap towels. Just buy four and at least two bath mats. You’ll also need to buy new hand towels for every bathroom with some extra for replacements.

You can even replace your duvet cover while you’re there.

Walk around the kitchen area and put everything you need and don’t have in your trolley.

I’m not from the UK but I looked online for the things you need on the UK site (and picked my preferences - not necessarily the cheapest or the most expensive):-

Chopping board
https://www.ikea.com/gb/en/p/skogsta-chopping-board-acacia-80305422/

Cheese grater
https://www.ikea.com/gb/en/p/idealisk-grater-stainless-steel-66916200/

(I would prefer to buy an expensive one from a kitchen place that has rubber on the bottom - but you need something now and toy can always upgrade after you realise how wonderful a cheese grater is).

Tea Towels
https://www.ikea.com/gb/en/p/mariatheres-tea-towel-grey-80479592/

White bath towels
https://www.ikea.com/gb/en/p/fredriksjoen-bath-towel-white-00496717/

White hand towels & bath towels - set
https://www.ikea.com/gb/en/p/vagsjoen-hand-bath-towels-set-l-s29506004/

Bath mat
https://www.ikea.com/gb/en/p/fintsen-bath-mat-white-90443705/

(These are only £1.75 each!!)

Cheap white duvet cover and pillow cases
https://www.ikea.com/gb/en/p/dvala-duvet-cover-and-2-pillowcases-white-90377965/#content

(Only £25!!)

White duvet cover & pillow cases
https://www.ikea.com/gb/en/p/nattjasmin-duvet-cover-and-2-pillowcases-white-30337166/#content

(These are £65 for what I think is king size)

You can buy a good quality mattress and bed from a furniture store - you might have missed the end of financial year sales but many places are having mid year sales right now.

You can buy your sofa from the same furniture store or somewhere nearby. You don’t have to travel far. Take your time to buy the rug for it if it’s too difficult to make your mind up immediately.

I’m very much like you but in respect to clothes. It makes zero sense why I am constantly washing and running out of underwear and socks.

I haven’t always been like this. But it makes no sense as my partner earns very well and have access to money.

I also found it difficult buying a new bed for my child as it wasn’t just the bed - it was the mattress, multiple mattress protectors, pillows, sheets, multiple duvets and duvet covers. It seemed like so much I had to do because I had to go to multiple shops to get everything. I went to five different shops to buy things and even more before that while I was trying to find a suitable bed. I found it it just so much I had to do and so much driving.

https://www.ikea.com/gb/en/p/friheten-corner-sofa-bed-with-storage-skiftebo-dark-grey-s09133543/ OP this sofa is basic and cheap but very comfortable

OP already has a wardrobe which she is using to store a toddlers clothes. All she needs to get is some hangers to hang her own clothes in it.

This weekend go to ikea.

My nearest IKEA is 170 miles away! Shops like Dunelm and the Range are available in pretty much any medium sized town, while many of OP’s needs can be bought at a supermarket where presumably she has to shop for food anyway.

Oh, my heart is a little bit broken for you. I don't know what's going on but I hope you can get it sorted. Soon your DS will be old enough to notice and understand that this isn't normal.

You absolutely deserve oven gloves and a duvet cover, these are not luxuries.

As others have said, IKEA or Dunelm. Can you confide in a friend who could come with you for moral support?

Best of luck. I am rooting for you ❤️

Procrastination is a thing in adhd.
you know something will have to be done but there's always an excuse not to do it now. Or that is how I am.

If you can’t face Ikea just put some household things in your trolley when you are going around Asda or wherever you shop.

People have different standards. So long as it isn't a health hazard and/or fire risk just live in a way that makes you happy.