To admit I live like this to see if anyone else does?

[11ds]

I keep this a secret. I don’t expect it to be common but I wonder if anyone else lives like this?

I have a nice home, I am a single parent to a toddler. I look totally normal to the outside world and dress well etc. I am clean. DS’s spaces are always clean and tidy. But the rest of my home is awful. My bedroom is littered with tissue and labels from clothes or empty toilet rolls. It’s cluttered. Boxes still unopened from when I moved a year ago. I don’t let ds see any of this.

I don’t have a sofa. I have no rugs or a wardrobe (ds has a wardrobe). I keep my clothes in a pile on the floor.

I don’t own proper cooking utensils or oven gloves. I just pick food from the oven with my sleeve. I don’t have a duvet cover. I have one tiny hand towel to dry body and hair.

these are just a few weird things. It’s not a money problem. I have 100k savings and earn 4.5k a month. I spend money on nice make up and will get my hair done or buy ds nice toys etc. I always think one day I will sort a wardrobe etc but I never get round to it. I never feel it’s justified as I’ve just got used to living like this.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me? I assume this isn’t common? Am I mentally unwell? I dare not share it with anyone IRL!

the OP mentions no one aside from her parents having a tidy home when she was growing up

no partner
no ex
no friends
no work colleagues
no one

does you son go to nursery op? do you wfh?

i can’t believe more haven’t noticed the back tracking

and the oddest post award goes to….

What? Is this written incorrectly? Kids don’t have Ex’s or partners or colleagues.

seriously

reread the post

shakes head

Yes. He pores through statements. He hasn't got access to my personal one thank god. That's the one I use to buy birthday and Christmas presents. Make up , hair cuts, dentist, and any clothes I need. I have kept up private healthcare for myself and son as well by being careful.

I buy food using my visa which he checks and will pay.

No I don't live like this.

I'm not saying I'm clean freak but we don't live in a clutter or mess.
It would be very unfair towards the kids.

I know someone who lives basically ina squat with her child, she doesn't seem to actually care about it, which is very saddening for her child.

I have a state pension which is well under tax threshold, accountant jiggles things so that husbands income from rentals is officially added to my income. I've never had a penny of that. I get £884 a month and pay for my car Which is 18 years old and sky TV plus my Amazon prime. Presents for three children , six grandchildren. I had to find a month's pension when my clutch went in February after paying MOT, tax and insurance another months pension gone.

Believe me I'm bloody careful with money.

It's not shady. On paper I have the income. In reality I don't.

It's perfectly legal.

If I ever touched the money, I suspect DH would empty those accounts I apparently earn interest from in an instant.

My conscience is clear I live off my state pension.

Op you can get extremely cheap clothes rails in argos /ikea without the hassle of having to build a wardrobe. Maybe something like that would suit you more? They also have very easy build shelves on argos.

you’re all over mumsnet talking about your finances
Your DH inherited an enormous amount, the family business, which you say your entire family benefited from

an interesting omission on this thread. And one of many

Again for a sofa or chairs ikea dirt cheap and usually washable covers.
Again cheap rugs.

Don't think of yourself but your child when they have playmates over. You don't need a palace or a scrupkously clean home but somewhere to sit is good.
Also if you burn yourself getting something out the oven your more vulnerable alone so again if not for a yourself think of the child.

We had clothing rails for five years, worked well, dust was a bit of an issue though.

Saw some lovely rugs in B&M the other week. They go in the washing machine too.

Think you're on the wrong thread @11ds is a single mum.

that was directed at you 🤭

He sounds like a peach. But you choose to stay with him so 🤷🏻‍♀️.
Anyway, it has absolutely no relevance to the OP’s situation.

I live a bit like this- not to the extent I don't have a duvet or wardrobe but my house is very messy and massively disorganised- I strongly suspect ADHD but don't know where to start with getting diagnosed- have you always been like this? If it's recent then maybe depression if ongoing I'd have a look at ADHD.

DH didn't inherit an enormous amount, that would have been nice 😂. We've had to work for the money.

We did inherit furniture, however, which I'm still stuck with. Apart from beds and mattresses thank god 😂

I’ve missed if this is part of a larger conversation, but why are you living like that? If your DH is controlling I think it’s time to move out. You’ll be much happier living on less but being allowed to buy what you want.

I think most peoples places are still a bit of a mess a year after moving in.

From reading your posts it seems like you are having issues accepting this is your place and it is your home.

Maybe you could get someone to go shopping with you who could help you get all the stuff you need ? One trip to The Range should sort your kitchen out if you get a determined partner to help you out !

Or buy a big utensil set from amazon. That is only one purchase, but you get all the bits in one go. That way yo don't have to obsess about every single purchase but just focus on making a small amount of big ones that sort out lots of problems.