Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To admit I live like this to see if anyone else does?

479 replies

11ds · 03/07/2024 21:07

I keep this a secret. I don’t expect it to be common but I wonder if anyone else lives like this?

I have a nice home, I am a single parent to a toddler. I look totally normal to the outside world and dress well etc. I am clean. DS’s spaces are always clean and tidy. But the rest of my home is awful. My bedroom is littered with tissue and labels from clothes or empty toilet rolls. It’s cluttered. Boxes still unopened from when I moved a year ago. I don’t let ds see any of this.

I don’t have a sofa. I have no rugs or a wardrobe (ds has a wardrobe). I keep my clothes in a pile on the floor.

I don’t own proper cooking utensils or oven gloves. I just pick food from the oven with my sleeve. I don’t have a duvet cover. I have one tiny hand towel to dry body and hair.

these are just a few weird things. It’s not a money problem. I have 100k savings and earn 4.5k a month. I spend money on nice make up and will get my hair done or buy ds nice toys etc. I always think one day I will sort a wardrobe etc but I never get round to it. I never feel it’s justified as I’ve just got used to living like this.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me? I assume this isn’t common? Am I mentally unwell? I dare not share it with anyone IRL!

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
JonnyTheDogFacedBoy · 04/07/2024 12:12

Theweepywillow · 04/07/2024 12:03

But the point remains you don’t live like the op. She isn’t posting saying she’s living in a mess and that’s it, she’s explaining a much bigger issue. The woman doesn’t even have a sofa. She uses her sleeve to take stuff out the oven. It’s not remotely the same.

Yes, i know she doesnt have a sofa or an oven glove, as acknowledged in my previous reply.

Again, I can relate to her feeling of not being able to change things, and so shared my experience, although our circumstances are different.

stayathomer · 04/07/2024 12:28

Best of luck to you- I felt overwhelmed with cleaning for a while and made a list starting with the things I thought about/looked at the most, and it was this awful patch on the ground behind a sink in our bathroom that had dust, dirt, cobwebs etc and I literally broke it down to ‘if I clean these two floor tiles and that one pipe I’ll feel a bit better’ and that’s how I started. That small. Every little thing I did calmed me more. Best of best of luck, one step at a time!

Iamawomenphenominally · 04/07/2024 12:29

OP would you consider talking to a therapist or counsellor about this?

I think it would really benefit you to explore your childhood experiences and your sense of self etc.

I think when you live alone it doesn't matter so much, but now you are a mum you have a little person looking to you and seeing how you treat yourself and your home and that will shape their view of the world and relationships too. I appreciate you have said your child has what they need and nice spaces but both of you should have that in every room all the time.

I understand to an extent the thing fo big spend purchases, being the only one that makes them and being worried the money may then be needed for something else but it seems you have a very healthy bit of savings so please do buy a sofa, a wardrobe🙂, etc.

Oftenaddled · 04/07/2024 12:51

I live quite like that. I have more than one towel. But I do without random kitchen implements and I don't fix things for years. Things pile up randomly. I have an ADHD diagnosis, for 20 years now.

I am much tidier and more 'normal' living with other people, and especially if I look after other people. If I had a child and a bigger house it would be like yours, I suspect. You are doing a great job with him.

Probably do need to get the rest more under control as he gets older, but no need for perfection.

It's a habit you build over the years. You channel your attention. When it's "just" you - no obligation, no pressure - the relief and respite means you can neglect things, guilt free.

My practical advice is:

Don't go near IKEA or anywhere flatpack. That's another task, more boxes, more clutter. Buy a bit of second hand furniture. Restrict your choice. Either go to a large BHS or Emmaus store (and arrange delivery), or use eBay with aggressive filtering (and add on anyvan). Shop is good - which of those six sofas, which of those ten wardrobes etc. There's good stuff out there and your wallet and the environment will benefit.

Don't expect to turn into a paragon overnight. You don't sound like a hoarder. But you may still struggle to organise, so get some good bins and plastic see-through boxes. Think about having a storage / clutter room with that level of organisation. It is fine to have a couple of rooms that aren't for your son to hang out in.

Good luck, but it sounds as if your son is in safe hands.

SoComplicated · 04/07/2024 12:54

What are you like about food shopping and making meals? I’m thinking of your son mostly.

Also you say you eat your food sitting on your bed so I am wondering where your son is as you said he doesn’t go in your room.

it does all sound odd. I don’t understand why you only have one small towel for yourself yet you insist your dc has everything.

Next time you go to Asda, you can pick up a towel and some cutlery and a duvet cover and whatever else you need. That’s what people do, if they can afford it of course.

I do understand how you don’t get round to doing things as I am like that if they are big things. I find that type of thing is easier if you are part of a couple eg you look for a wardrobe together, decide together how much to spend/when to get it delivered/put it up together. I find I am more motivated in that situation (single parent myself.)

Yampy · 04/07/2024 13:01

11ds · 03/07/2024 21:16

@Julyshouldbesunny im not sure. I do often feel extreme feelings… one moment very productive and the next I can’t do anything for hours

I get like this, I am diagnosed with dissociation, sounds like trauma response, shame & overwhelm. Use some of your savings for therapy or help to organise your home, take steps to learn self compassion.

Harassedevictee · 04/07/2024 13:14

LipstickedPowderedAndPainted · 03/07/2024 21:24

I suspect it's adhd. It's the overwhelm paralysis. You use all your 'energy' and abilities doing and providing for your son and working. You simply don't have enough left to do those things for yourself too. You become almost blind and immune to them in a daily basis. They don't matter. If you were able to obtain a formal diagnosis( realistically you'd have to pay due to crazy backlogs) you may well find meds and coaching life changing.
I don't think it's about self deprivation or anything like that I can well understand it's part of a pattern which exists within some forms of neuroduvergent people.

Thank you for this, overwhelm paralysis is the name I’ve been looking for to describe me. I now know what to research for tips etc

It’s not helped by Maladaptive daydreaming which means in my head I have an instagram worthy home😂.

Oftenaddled · 04/07/2024 13:18

Oftenaddled · 04/07/2024 12:51

I live quite like that. I have more than one towel. But I do without random kitchen implements and I don't fix things for years. Things pile up randomly. I have an ADHD diagnosis, for 20 years now.

I am much tidier and more 'normal' living with other people, and especially if I look after other people. If I had a child and a bigger house it would be like yours, I suspect. You are doing a great job with him.

Probably do need to get the rest more under control as he gets older, but no need for perfection.

It's a habit you build over the years. You channel your attention. When it's "just" you - no obligation, no pressure - the relief and respite means you can neglect things, guilt free.

My practical advice is:

Don't go near IKEA or anywhere flatpack. That's another task, more boxes, more clutter. Buy a bit of second hand furniture. Restrict your choice. Either go to a large BHS or Emmaus store (and arrange delivery), or use eBay with aggressive filtering (and add on anyvan). Shop is good - which of those six sofas, which of those ten wardrobes etc. There's good stuff out there and your wallet and the environment will benefit.

Don't expect to turn into a paragon overnight. You don't sound like a hoarder. But you may still struggle to organise, so get some good bins and plastic see-through boxes. Think about having a storage / clutter room with that level of organisation. It is fine to have a couple of rooms that aren't for your son to hang out in.

Good luck, but it sounds as if your son is in safe hands.

Too late to edit, but that should have been BHF - British Heart Foundation!

voiceofastar · 04/07/2024 13:44

Harassedevictee · 04/07/2024 13:14

Thank you for this, overwhelm paralysis is the name I’ve been looking for to describe me. I now know what to research for tips etc

It’s not helped by Maladaptive daydreaming which means in my head I have an instagram worthy home😂.

It's also known as decision paralysis. ADDitude do podcasts with expert guest speakers, it's called the ADHD Experts Podcast. I've learnt a lot from them. There's was a good one recently called ADHD & Procrastivity, and some interesting ones on how women's hormonal fluctuations affect ADHD symptoms and medication efficacy.

voiceofastar · 04/07/2024 13:45

Oftenaddled · 04/07/2024 13:18

Too late to edit, but that should have been BHF - British Heart Foundation!

I read that and thought, wow, is BHS still going Grin

justasking111 · 04/07/2024 13:52

I've had a husband for 47 years who's screamed the sky's falling in chicken licken. I now have a state pension he can't touch and 250k plus shared in the bank . He yanked out 30k to buy a car for himself. I'm paralysed by fear most of my money is spent on family. I'm not a tax payer thanks to a good accountant. I pay for birthdays, Christmas, feel sick whenever my pension savings drop.

And yes I do realise that many younger people live hand to mouth, I did myself at one time, saving up family allowance for shoes etc.

I'm just a bit pissed off that I'm still expected to live like this when according to the bank I'm rolling in it.

I had a three day break in Gibraltar in 2016. Last time I flew. Haven't had a holiday since.

Whereas DH has a yacht and pays 6k minimum per annum in marina fees. Plus fuel and harbor dues.

I'd sure be a merry widow.

Exactlab · 04/07/2024 14:12

OP, I am much like yourself.

I wonder if you would agree to buy a couch and a rug if mumsnetter’s picked one out??

sleeppleasesoon · 04/07/2024 14:30

I’m a mental health nurse. This may help.
podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri/id1567190358?i=1000661100767

ByAquaBee · 04/07/2024 14:36

ADHD, I'm a bit like this. People should lay off with the judgemental comments when it's a neurodevelopmental condition - we don't "choose" to be the way we are.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 04/07/2024 14:39

Meadowwild · 03/07/2024 23:56

I'm glad you said this aloud because your OP showed that you are full of care for your DS but not yourself.

Were you neglected as a child? You can live in a gorgeous home but if your basic needs, emotional, physical or both are constantly overlooked, ignored, minimised, seen as over-demanding or attention-seeking, unnecessary or inconvenient, you have learned to cope without attending to your needs.

I suggest a couple of things to help break the spell.

One is - get your toddler involved on helping mummy choose a new sofa and rugs. Get him to pick a colour for your bath towels and duvet cover, and order all these things from one place to make it easy to decide. Don't shop around, just go to John Lewis or M&S or IKEA - somewhere that will deliver. Write a list of basics too - like oven gloves and utensils and give your toddler a bright pen. As you add things to the shopping basket show your toddler where they are on your list so he can tick or cross them off.

Get a cake or some other treat to share with him and tell him you can both have it when you have completed the order and paid.

The other is - get a bin bag, set a timer for just 5 minutes and chuck out rubbish from your bedroom until the timer stops - tissue and labels, loo rolls etc.

Do this every day until the clutter has improved. Then maybe set a timer for 10 minutes and just start to unpack box by box, but always stop when the timer sounds, so you can't do too much and get overloaded.

Great post and good idea making a fun thing that you do with your toddler.

I also thought.
Are you are overwhelmed by all the things you have to do that you don't know where to start. Or overwhelmed by choice? Or you are punishing yourself in some way because you feel you don't deserve these things or you are worried about the future? Or you feel that you need permission because it feels like splurging and you don't deserve it. It might help to ponder on what it is that makes you reluctant.

It sounds like you don't have much real life support. You are a single mum with a little one, it can be tiring and demanding and difficult when you have so much to do that you don't know where to start. It can be lonely too. Depending on your area, there are places that will help, have a google or maybe there's some suggestions on this thread. I thing you should see GP and find out what support is available. Or if you could have a trusted friend/relative to help or even hire a professional organiser.

The good news is you have enough money to pick somewhere online like Sainsbury's, Argos, George at Asda or Amazon today and just order cooking utensils, oven gloves, a set of towels and a simple white duvet cover. These are relatively cheap and so even if you feel you've made the wrong choice, you can send them back or just buy another. You could order them all in one go. The sales are on. Then they would just turn up at the door and it would be one immediate improvement in your life. Then you can think about what else is needed. Just pick them out. Put them in the Basket. You don't have to press go immediately, but you've highlighted these things as missing so you can justify buying them.

You deserve this. It's also about safety for your son and yourself - you could seriously burn yourself not having an oven glove.

When I had my first home, I was literally overwhelmed by the amount of stuff to do after work with kids. I used a website called Fly Lady and the idea was that things don't get into a mess overnight... and so you cant fix it overnight, you need to take everything step by step so that it doesn't overwhelm you. there are tonnes of inspirational videos online now on how to do this which are more modern. I'm sure people will have suggested them on this thread. My parents could not be described as homemakers in any sense (continuous half finished building projects, reluctance to buy suitable furniture, saving objects they didn't want/need) and I really didn't have a clue at the time, but these online things helped so much. I also think it would set a good example to your son, in helping to teach him how to make the home more comfortable. I know his rooms are nice but he will pick up so much for seeing how you organise your own space.

The first steps in that program, were things like setting a timer for 15 minutes and just cleaning the kitchen sink or grabbing a bin bag and putting all the rubbish in from one room. Because they used to say you can do anything in 15 minutes. It won't overwhelm you and you will start to see a real difference in less than a week. You could start with all the stuff you mentioned to throw away in your bedroom.
We moved into a house with zero storage and I can completely identify with piles of books and clothes and no where to put them. Its can be time consuming and draining on top of the other things you have to do and also hard choosing what to buy to fix it. But you do have substantial savings so its not going to drain you to buy a wardrobe. Just pick one to be going on with, one for now, think of it as a temporary measure, you don't have to keep it for 20 years. Sell it if in a few years and upgrade. People do that all the time. Remember its in your room and so no one will see it unless you want them to. No one will judge you for your wardrobe choice. If you can't face that immediately. George at asda online have hanging rails for £20-30 so at least you can hang up and sort your clothes whilst you decide. Just having them hung up with make your own bedroom seem like less of an unwieldly problem area.

If you are struggling to pick a style, pick minimal and you can always upgrade and add things later. Eg. Pick a wardrobe that is delivered ready assembled or pay for someone to assemble it or it will never get built. Dreams have a sale on and we've just bought a very comfortable mattress/bed on interest free. Its all online so you can check it out. Wayfair, Dunhelm, John Lewis all have nice beds. That is quite a large item so maybe just start with a nice plain Duvet cover from JL or M and S, and get it delivered.

These are little fixes that won't cost that much and can be ordered relatively simply. Why not try doing one batch a week and see how you feel about it?

Also Don't beat yourself up about your situation. You are doing your best with your current energy and resources and the first step was assessing the problem and writing it all down here which must have taken a lot of courage. You sound like a kind and caring mum, and I hope you can direct some of that kindness and care towards yourself too.

lovetoshare81 · 04/07/2024 14:45

i reckon the OP will decide to home educate
just to mean that no one ever comes around
and go completely isolate herself and son

i hope that professionals are alerted to support the op at some point because her son is going to suffer terribly otherwise

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 04/07/2024 14:47

lovetoshare81 · 04/07/2024 14:45

i reckon the OP will decide to home educate
just to mean that no one ever comes around
and go completely isolate herself and son

i hope that professionals are alerted to support the op at some point because her son is going to suffer terribly otherwise

What a giant unhelpful leap.
The OP is doing lots for her son, is acknowledging her problem and looking for a ways to improve.

TorturedPoetsDepartmentAnthology · 04/07/2024 14:50

In the time you’ve posted on here, you could have tackled one thing on your list. Something is stopping you and I think it would be helpful to figure out what the barrier is for you. It might need unpicking with a really good therapist but starting on it now - before your son gets older - is a good place.

voiceofastar · 04/07/2024 14:51

lovetoshare81 · 04/07/2024 14:45

i reckon the OP will decide to home educate
just to mean that no one ever comes around
and go completely isolate herself and son

i hope that professionals are alerted to support the op at some point because her son is going to suffer terribly otherwise

Professionals in Japan must really have their work cut out for them, all those people who live happily without sofas or even beds, and use chopsticks instead of cutlery, tongs and whisks.

lovetoshare81 · 04/07/2024 14:51

voiceofastar · 04/07/2024 14:51

Professionals in Japan must really have their work cut out for them, all those people who live happily without sofas or even beds, and use chopsticks instead of cutlery, tongs and whisks.

did you even read the OP?

lovetoshare81 · 04/07/2024 14:52

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 04/07/2024 14:47

What a giant unhelpful leap.
The OP is doing lots for her son, is acknowledging her problem and looking for a ways to improve.

i see major back tracking ever since the initial early posts

Theweepywillow · 04/07/2024 14:53

lovetoshare81 · 04/07/2024 14:52

i see major back tracking ever since the initial early posts

Yes I saw that too.

ItsAlrightDarling · 04/07/2024 14:54

ByAquaBee · 04/07/2024 14:36

ADHD, I'm a bit like this. People should lay off with the judgemental comments when it's a neurodevelopmental condition - we don't "choose" to be the way we are.

You don’t know that the OP has ADHD though.

ItsAlrightDarling · 04/07/2024 14:55

justasking111 · 04/07/2024 13:52

I've had a husband for 47 years who's screamed the sky's falling in chicken licken. I now have a state pension he can't touch and 250k plus shared in the bank . He yanked out 30k to buy a car for himself. I'm paralysed by fear most of my money is spent on family. I'm not a tax payer thanks to a good accountant. I pay for birthdays, Christmas, feel sick whenever my pension savings drop.

And yes I do realise that many younger people live hand to mouth, I did myself at one time, saving up family allowance for shoes etc.

I'm just a bit pissed off that I'm still expected to live like this when according to the bank I'm rolling in it.

I had a three day break in Gibraltar in 2016. Last time I flew. Haven't had a holiday since.

Whereas DH has a yacht and pays 6k minimum per annum in marina fees. Plus fuel and harbor dues.

I'd sure be a merry widow.

Why are you ‘expected’ to live like that? By who? Your husband?

Yampy · 04/07/2024 14:58

lovetoshare81 · 04/07/2024 14:45

i reckon the OP will decide to home educate
just to mean that no one ever comes around
and go completely isolate herself and son

i hope that professionals are alerted to support the op at some point because her son is going to suffer terribly otherwise

WTF, fuck off with this shite, sounds like she’s doing a great job with her son. Such weird judgemental fuckwits on here.

Swipe left for the next trending thread