To think a lot of men aren't that bothered about women being ultra slim?

[Voilafrancais]

From what I've seen around me, men seem to be happiest with average-sized/curvier women.

A colleague of mine is a football player and very into fitness and his girlfriend is quite overweight, they've been together 6 years.

A man I liked who is quite thin, he wasn't interested. His ex is at our workplace and is significantly overweight.

I know this sounds nasty and rude, it probably is. However I feel like on the whole men aren't that bothered about women having figures like Victoria's Secret models, and personality is more important.

@JacquesHarlow

I can’t comment on her eating habits but @EveningSpread’s attitude towards overweight women is pretty ugly stuff.

Incorrect.

firstly calling people grossly anything is fucking horrible, and secondly there are men who also like both ends of the spectrum.

Seriously? It's 2024 - whey are we still wondering what men find attractive? Any man who did the tired old 'skin and bone/ I like to grab hold of something' would just make my vagina slam shut. Putting other women down is a vile male habit- and even worse when it's adapted by women.

I don't have curves now I'm overweight- I'm just a blob. I'm losing weight to improve my health and because my clothes will look better. Not so some random misogynist wont want to grab my tits (although that is a positive benefit 😀)

Life knocks us all about a bit and at the end of the day we're lucky if we spend it with someone who is good company and makes us feel good about ourselves, whatever their weight.

Seriously? It's 2024 - whey are we still wondering what men find attractive? Any man who did the tired old 'skin and bone/ I like to grab hold of something' would just make my vagina slam shut. Putting other women down is a vile male habit- and even worse when it's adapted by women

I agree- I dread to think what kind of messages daughters of men like this are picking up, regardless of whether the comments are scathing of being slim OR overweight. Its not ok.

Seriously? It's 2024 - whey are we still wondering what men find attractive?

Agreed, but I know why a lot of people are 'wondering' aloud, including the OP.

It is part of an argument designed to entrench the view that anyone who is size 14+ is a 'real woman' and 'normal'....and therefore the attractive standard.

I actually am here for this in terms of body positivity and acceptance and self-love....despite being a 10, tall, slim, and not fitting this new standard.

What's sad however is how strident some folk feel they have to be, to the point of insulting women like me and dismissing us as 'skin and bone', or 'unattractive to most men' etc.

I mean, in the 90s I had my day, people may or may not have thought I was the standard or whatever, but I was too busy running races before Strava and Instagram was a thing.

For me, bodies are only useful to us if they serve the purpose we want them to serve. I like mine for the purpose it has served me, but I will never ever denigrate another person just to lift up my own aesthetic, that's nuts to me.

Most men.

Grossly overweight or underweight was meant in the adjective and not judging sense, just to be clear.

but why are we even talking about 'most men' like this is some sort of statistical conference?!

There are men who chase after very large women. It is not just a 'fetish' that I am dismissing here, it is a preferred aesthetic. One of my friends from sixth form is with someone who is beyond Rubenesque. He is very skinny, which exacerbates the comparison if people are wont to do that.

There are (perhaps disturbingly? I don't know, I didn't get up this morning to judge) a lot of search terms in porn that look for 'skinny' as an aesthetic. On a more positive note, I can think of plenty of very petite, small women who find tall, athletic partners who are larger then them by far.

So what I am trying to say is that we don't need to polarise the conversation by saying "no one is attracted to ultra skinny or ultra obese"

That's just patently bollocks. Sure your field might narrow, but let's be real - there are entire subcultures in attractiveness, and they are enthusiastic ones where those people are celebrated. Long live finding others attractive!

Yes agreed - viva la difference!

The point I was trying to make is there is no one size fits all - quite literally.

Men like many body shapes.

Men find many body shapes sexually attractive.

The end!

We are woman !!
so we don’t know let men answer the question !
why do we care ?
Woman us ladies on here need to stop 🛑 and think about what your typing !
we are all different shapes sizes personalities which we should be celebrating and enjoying !
Not guessing or being nasty this is why woman are so insecure !
This is why beauty industries make sooooo much money because we are feeding into this ! Just stop and look at yourself love yourself !
Be nice and stop this culture on negativity towards woman !

Oh gosh, not this tired old chestnut again.

These threads always turn into pitting women against each other and it's horrible. Who gives a fuck what men think or want? No matter what your size or shape, someone, somewhere, will consider you "unacceptable" to date. So, should our response to that be to twist ourselves into a pretzel trying to please men? What happens if we put loads of effort into looking a certain way and then get rejected by a man we like who doesnt find that particular look attractive- do we yet again change ourselves?- you will never ever please everyone all the time nor will you appeal to everyone- thats just life. You wont be everyone's cup of tea and thats ok because not everyone is your cup of tea either, it doesnt mean there is anything inherently "wrong" with those people.

Dont get me wrong, I get its nice to feel attractive but how about just being who you are and finding someone who loves you for you?- men like all different shapes and sizes so it's really stupid to generalise and say all men like xyz because clearly they dont. If this were the case then you wouldnt see such a variety of shapes and sizes in couples and we do, all the time.

For me, bodies are only useful to us if they serve the purpose we want them to serve. I like mine for the purpose it has served me, but I will never ever denigrate another person just to lift up my own aesthetic, that's nuts to me.

Hear hear. I also agree that it’s utterly regressive that we are preoccupying ourselves with which outdated stereotypes of female sexuality men prefer.

Quite apart from the feminist reasons not to go down this rabbit hole, it’s also very obvious to me that if there’s one thing which trumps all considerations about ideal beauty and body shape it’s confidence and self esteem.

A woman who is tying herself in knots worrying about whether she fits some ideal body shape is never going to feel good about herself so it’s entirely self defeating.

Quite apart from the feminist reasons not to go down this rabbit hole, it’s also very obvious to me that if there’s one thing which trumps all considerations about ideal beauty and body shape it’s confidence and self esteem.

Health, for me. Seeing as how I can't get a GP appointment for love or money.

I’m pretty sure men have varying tastes in all sorts of body parts and shapes and sizes. They’re not an homogenous group!

@Lentilweaver

Agree with that. And all the other reasons cited here.

But I guess the biggest irony of the whole idea of trying to change your body shape to make yourself attractive to men is that most men find this incredibly unattractive.

Wonen who are constantly augmenting themselves, overly fussing about clothes and makeup and constantly dieting are a huge turn off for men.

That’s not the most important reason for not giving a shit by a long shot but it does jump out to me that the whole obsession is utterly pointless.

there are about 4 billion men on the planet - they are probably going to be attracted to different things in a partner!

I think a lot of men are baffled by many of today’s ideas of beauty : the over large lips, extreme eyebrows, thick make up etc.

Well I agree with this: that was what I assumed the point of the thread was.

I've not read the whole thread , just looked at a few posts here and there but I'm quite saddened by some of the unpleasantness towards other women. Also the assumption that ALL men like this, ALL men prefer the other. And that their opinion on women's bodies was the yard stick.
I think it's very sad to see the way society is encouraging young women to look like clones of each other instead of encouraging individuality and personality.
I thought that feminism was supposed to be about being yourself and not trying to conform to other people's views on what you should look like.

Sorry, I think you are thinking I’m coming at this from being in the fuller side. I am one of those who has always been slim (sub-19 BMI) and don’t naturally have curves… I also struggled with an eating disorder throughout my 20s. Obviously my husband likes me the way I am and married me skinny, but he also likes when I gain weight from time to time. Like I said, though, that’s purely anecdotal.

“Skin and bone”. And you don’t believe that’s derogatory?

🖕🏻

When I am very slim, 8 stone something, I have hip and bust of equal measurements with a waist 13" smaller. The 'curve' is extreme. When I am heavier, my 'curviness' manifests as two rolls of fat round my middle, like oversized doughnuts. I'd be absolutely amazed if any man considered the second more attractive than the first. And even if by some bizarre quirk of taste they did, that's too bad, because I don't think it looks good on me and its my opinion that matters. If women like themselves at the weight they are, all power to them, because thin or heavier, thats what we should be aiming for. But its not great to impose your own body type as the preferred one on other women, with silly generalisations about what men like best.

Exactly!
Most people these days are overweight, there are not enough slim people to go around and we can only choose from what is available to us!

"When I am heavier, my 'curviness' manifests as two rolls of fat round my middle, like oversized doughnuts. "

Hahaha that is exactly how I put on weight. And why H&M trousers never fit me😁

this is an underrated comment. But as usual, women like me who fit this body type in regular non-royal society, are picked apart for 'competitive eating disorders'.

There's no way to win in the 2020s... I genuinely just keep my head down.

I hope that in a few years or decades, we will just also go back to accepting people who are my size, and it doesn't become a "eat a burger, love!" opportunity every single fucking time.

My husband tells me every day that he finds me attractive, it's lovely to hear and boosts my confidence. I'm probably 2 stone overweight and he says I'm perfect as I am. I'm trying to get rid of the weight, but not because I'm insecure about my appearance but because I'm pretty diabetic. I don't feel any pressure to do this (other than my own health) and I know I'm supported.

He is very athletic, genetically slim (born that way).

He is definitely a keeper x