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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My restrictive eating triggers people

444 replies

Cadelo · 03/07/2024 16:50

I wouldn’t say I have an issue with food but I am very mindful of what I eat.

I am 30 and spent a lot of my 20s depressed because of my weight. I love being able to put on a dress and not worry how I will look in it. I love not always having to go for the flattering option. I don’t miss the comments where people made me feel like shit unintentionally - “her body is thick like yours”.

3 years ago I lost 60 pounds. It was not pleasant. I never want to go back.

I just know my controlled eating annoys people. My own sister will invite me over for a takeaway and get annoyed when we order pizza and I only have a slice/or 2 and make a big salad to go along with it. “You only live once”. Blah blah blah.

I’m getting enough calories to maintain my weight. My bmi is also healthy. Some people call me scrawny but like I said I have a healthy bmi.

So I do take scales on holiday as I weigh myself daily. And my SIL made a comment that if she sees them she’s going to chuck them in the bin. She’s a normal weight. I’m glad her life was never small due to confidence issues. If I see I am over a certain weight I just know to eat lightly for a week or so.

I know we will sit down for breakfast (we are going to Greece in 2 weeks) and she will say something or try to tempt me when I order a fruit platter. Or constantly trying to get me to have an ice cream (I do occasionally - and when I do it becomes this massive thing).

I’m so sick of my eating being a problem for others.

OP posts:
FuzzyStripes · 03/07/2024 16:54

Given the amount of weight you lost, I am going to assume you were considerably overweight and I can imagine the thoughts you had then will stay with you a long time. It’s also very understandable to not want to return to a time you were unhappy and you likely see being overweight as symbolising that (in yourself, at least).

I don’t think people who have healthy relationships with food do find it easy to understand those who don’t, regardless of their reasons behind it. I also think that we often take far more offence or get hurt/annoyed by things that were are sensitive to. It’s likely people make lots of comments others would find annoying but they don’t register with you because it’s not something you are sensitive to.

sesquipedalian · 03/07/2024 16:54

If you feel like this, why on earth would you go on holiday with your SIL? And frankly, taking scales with you is excessive. You know what not to eat if you don’t want to put on weight, and as you say, if you put on a couple of pounds, you can eat lightly for the following couple of weeks to make up for it. Eat what you want and ignore other people - but don’t be a martyr about it. The point of being on holiday is you can relax a little.

Theunamedcat · 03/07/2024 16:56

Don't take the scales just eat lightly and treat occasionally you will be fine

Original poster
Cadelo · 03/07/2024 16:57

I take the scales because then my weight can never really surprise me if I gain. I actually fear having to lose anything over 5 pounds. This way at most I only ever have 1/2 pounds to lose.

OP posts:
Sunnydiary · 03/07/2024 16:57

Taking scales on holiday is a step too far tbh.

LittleMousewithcloggson · 03/07/2024 16:58

I wouldn’t enjoy going on holiday with someone who actually packs scales! That’s taking it way too far
East sensibly by all means but imo you’re letting your weight control your life.
Have the ice cream and some other treats whilst away and then plan to get straight back on track when you get home

Screamingabdabz · 03/07/2024 16:59

They are not unreasonable to find it tedious, especially on holiday. Food is part of family life. You’re just going to have to become more resilient to their pestering and let it bounce off you.

Original poster
Cadelo · 03/07/2024 16:59

On holiday with the drinking and extra food the weight piles on. It’s a slippery slope as I used to binge. The scales just remind me not to.

OP posts:
stressedespresso · 03/07/2024 16:59

Those scales would be straight in the bin if I was on holiday with you too. Absolutely ridiculous and completely obsessive behaviour.

fedupandstuck · 03/07/2024 17:00

Taking the scales on holiday is a bit unusual, but your SIL (and your sister) are being rude to mention it. I think that some of their comments are because they have issues around food and weight, as is very very common for women in our society.

If you otherwise have a good relationship with them,can you not have a serious conversation and explain that it is hurtful when they make comments about your eating or your weight, and that you are going to ask them not to comment on anything in that area from now on.

Thatsajokeright · 03/07/2024 17:00

I don't think anyone is right or wrong here but your attitude to food still sounds disordered.

stressedespresso · 03/07/2024 17:01

Cadelo · 03/07/2024 16:59

On holiday with the drinking and extra food the weight piles on. It’s a slippery slope as I used to binge. The scales just remind me not to.

Edited

And you can easily either a) choose not to eat/drink those things or b) have a week of enjoyment and lose it when you’re home again. It’s not difficult. Nobody needs scales to tell them that. You do realise that weight naturally fluctuates anyway each day?

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 03/07/2024 17:01

It’s very common for people to be made anxious when someone else makes a life-changing decision and sticks to it. Good for you and keep going!

The best things you can do now is not to mention your thoughts about diets and food in general.

Taking a set of scales with you on a two-week holiday is OTT and not healthy. Try “I’ve had enough to eat, thanks” and “No, I don’t want that”. If neither of those work try “Mind your own business”

veryCrossMrFlibble · 03/07/2024 17:01

Tell her your eating habits are none of her business and she can keep her nose out.

keylimedog · 03/07/2024 17:01

I think you absolutely can do whatever you want - but I wouldn't enjoy being on holiday with someone who didn't share my love of food, so for me that wouldn't be fun!

Your food / weight attitude does sound disordered to me, but whatever works for you is fine. But I wouldn't be thrilled being around someone who restricts so much, that just wouldn't be for me.

Nectarinesarenice · 03/07/2024 17:01

I totally understand OP, losing 60lb is no easy feat, dieting is miserable and I can imagine the constant fear of letting go and putting it back on again.

If taking the scales with you and being mindful of what you eat on holiday upsets family members, then I would say it is them with the problem and maybe they need a bit more understanding.

loropianalover · 03/07/2024 17:01

YANBU to only have one slice of pizza and make salad. YABU to bring scales on holiday, it’s quite tacky to make others privy to your issues in this way. Use your common sense to eat well on holiday and enjoy a walk every evening, shave the 3-5 pounds off when you get home.

Devilsmommy · 03/07/2024 17:02

The fact that you take scales on holiday and that people describe you as scrawny sounds like you're not actually a healthy weight, no matter what BMI says. Do you think that maybe people are just worried about you because they can see how controlled your eating is and not in a healthy way?

Yellowflowerr · 03/07/2024 17:02

Taking scales on holiday is in the realm of an eating disorder, I hope you’re ok OP (kindly). I understand that you might be fearful of gaining weight back, but is that because you don’t trust yourself? If you are eating similar to what you would eat at home you’re not going to suddenly gain 10 pounds. Also, weight can fluctuate due to water retention etc throughout the day, so not necessarily an accurate reflection weighing every day. X

fungipie · 03/07/2024 17:02

LittleMousewithcloggson · 03/07/2024 16:58

I wouldn’t enjoy going on holiday with someone who actually packs scales! That’s taking it way too far
East sensibly by all means but imo you’re letting your weight control your life.
Have the ice cream and some other treats whilst away and then plan to get straight back on track when you get home

First of all, well done for losing all that weight. But I totally agree with the above. Don't go away with people who upset you, and don't take the scales, that is way way over the top. You know what to eat or not eat- and that is enough for a week or two.

Original poster
Cadelo · 03/07/2024 17:02

My husband let it out about the scales (not on purpose). We met post weight loss.

I wouldn’t advertise this fact

OP posts:
greenandgreener · 03/07/2024 17:03

Cadelo · 03/07/2024 16:57

I take the scales because then my weight can never really surprise me if I gain. I actually fear having to lose anything over 5 pounds. This way at most I only ever have 1/2 pounds to lose.

If this is what helps you to stay a reasonable weight I don't see that this is unreasonable. Better this than going over the top and putting all the weight back on! Just tell her the comments upset you given everything you went through and how unhappy you were you'd appreciate a little sensitivity and understanding. If she doesn't respond then give her a wide berth. She is probably feeling inferior because she eats more and has less control over it.

AquaFurball · 03/07/2024 17:03

Cadelo · 03/07/2024 16:57

I take the scales because then my weight can never really surprise me if I gain. I actually fear having to lose anything over 5 pounds. This way at most I only ever have 1/2 pounds to lose.

Your restrictive eating triggers you.

Weighing yourself daily is not healthy at all. Once a week is all you should weigh yourself.

It's been three years, you know what you can eat without putting yourself over 2kg gain in a week.

YABU taking scales on holiday, no wonder people are worried about you.

Changingplace · 03/07/2024 17:04

Taking scales on holiday and the way you’re talking about food suggests you don’t have a healthy relationship with eating, despite having lost a lot of weight.

I personally never take much notice what other people are eating, I wonder is it something you bring up with them regularly? How does your SIL even know about the scales unless you’ve told her?

Edit: just seen your update - tbh I think you should get some kind of therapy about your issues with food, you’ve replaced binging with restrictive eating and verging on obsessive behaviour with the scales, neither is healthy.

FrustyOldCrump · 03/07/2024 17:05

Your SIL sounds annoying, but taking scales on holiday is bonkers.

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