My restrictive eating triggers people

[Cadelo]

I wouldn’t say I have an issue with food but I am very mindful of what I eat.

I am 30 and spent a lot of my 20s depressed because of my weight. I love being able to put on a dress and not worry how I will look in it. I love not always having to go for the flattering option. I don’t miss the comments where people made me feel like shit unintentionally - “her body is thick like yours”.

3 years ago I lost 60 pounds. It was not pleasant. I never want to go back.

I just know my controlled eating annoys people. My own sister will invite me over for a takeaway and get annoyed when we order pizza and I only have a slice/or 2 and make a big salad to go along with it. “You only live once”. Blah blah blah.

I’m getting enough calories to maintain my weight. My bmi is also healthy. Some people call me scrawny but like I said I have a healthy bmi.

So I do take scales on holiday as I weigh myself daily. And my SIL made a comment that if she sees them she’s going to chuck them in the bin. She’s a normal weight. I’m glad her life was never small due to confidence issues. If I see I am over a certain weight I just know to eat lightly for a week or so.

I know we will sit down for breakfast (we are going to Greece in 2 weeks) and she will say something or try to tempt me when I order a fruit platter. Or constantly trying to get me to have an ice cream (I do occasionally - and when I do it becomes this massive thing).

I’m so sick of my eating being a problem for others.

YANBU tell your sister Yes we only live once, and if your SIL throws the scales away tell her to replace the scales.

"They are going to feel shamed though aren't they.
If every time they order food or drinks you order something miniscule in comparison it's going to make them feel like they are constantly pigging out. I couldn't be around someone like that on holiday."

That is a bit like the OP being a non drinker, surrounded by drinkers who feel shamed because she doesn't want to get pissed too.
Why should she? that would mean OP giving up her successful diet plan because other people couldn't tolerate it. That really is their problem.

OP said earlier that they made a fuss when she only had one or two slices of pizza and had a salad on top. That doesn't seem unreasonable at all. As long as she's not constantly mentioning it.. and it was her DH who told everyone about the scales.
It sounds like her SIL is the one constantly drawing attention to it.

When I was dieting I tried my hardest not to talk about it and yet people were always so quick to comment. Its hard enough to do it without others putting you under the microscope. I've also had meat eaters complaining because I'd ordered a vegetarian meal and questioning me about it, when I hadn't even raised the subject. I can't imagine how they'd react to vegans.

While your body has been fixed from the results of an unhealthy relationship with food, your mind has not, and if you want to live a life free from the noise of it, then tackling your mentality is the next hurdle. There is nothing wrong whatsoever with declining extra pizza and tactfully choosing when to have an ice cream. But fearing the gain of 5lb to the extent that you can’t go on a holiday without your scales is very concerning. It indicates an unhealthy preoccupation and a constant fear.

For you. For OP it is giving her an ability to control something she previously was unable to control (hence the large weight gain and previous impressive but probably incredibly hard weight loss)

Given your weight loss - congratulations for that, it's impressive - but you should know by now what you can eat/not eat without piling on the pounds. And that without having to rely on scales.

Could you do some or more exercise to keep any fears at bay?

You sound unhealthily controlling about food IMO. Taking scales on holiday? Assessing other people's metabolisms?

Why is it disordered?
Isn't this a choice?

I understand that you are worried about gaining weight but taking the scales on holiday is obsessive, can you not see that. Nothing wrong with fruit for breakfast or just 2 slices of pizza but for your mental health you need to leave the scales at home and reduce weighing yourself frequency to weekly initially then monthly, it's better for you.

I really struggled to lose that final half a stone. It has possibly given me a phobia.

But I had tiramisu last night after 3 well balanced meals. Hardly starving myself

One person's "scrawny" is another person's completely healthy and acceptable size 8

Yes...and when you've lost a lot of weight people will compare you to the old you.

I lost count of the number of people who told me I was looking 'so slim' or 'really skinny' or similar after I'd lost 3 stone. Except I wasn't, I was still a good stone into my 'overweight' bracket - I just wasn't obese anymore. So by comparison, hell yes I looked slim!

If the op has lost a lot of weight it's likely that people calling her 'scrawny' just knew her as overweight.

This shouts ‘eating disorder’ to me I’m afraid. Throw the scales away.

You very clearly have an issue with food. I had an eating disorder for years so I should feel empathetic but it ruined my life for about 5 years when I should have been having fun (late teens/early 20s) so I feel quite intolerant to it now. I wouldn't be able to deal with this at all.

The OP reveals themself as someone who has severe problems with food. I am not a doctor, but an eating disorder certainly sounds possible.
OP, your friends will worry about you - please seek support.

And please don't forget not all of us eat full English breakfast anyway me? I order fruit and perhaps an omelette or maybe toast never a fry up

If you're happy and healthy then you're obviously doing something right. I'd ignore everyone else. I count calories and it's important I don't go over, because I gain weight easily. I can eat what ever I want, but prefer to have small portions and lots of veg/salad with meat/fish. I wouldn't bring weighing scales on holiday though, feel like that's one step too far? But if it makes you happy then why not.

Sorry, weighing yourself daily is really unhealthy, you are not going to see a true picture from day to day of what you weigh because it can fluctuate due to many reasons. I'm not saying don't take the scales on holiday, you just don't need to weigh yourself every day.

I sympathise op. I don’t have a good relationship with food - I have a bowel condition that is potentially fatal and it doesn’t flare when I’m careful about what I eat. Removing sugar and refined white carbs from my diet has been hugely beneficial but so, so hard until the cravings finally went away. An overly sweet dessert isn’t worth it to me if I have to battle renewed sugar cravings again.

I miss the camaraderie of food though and I understand that for some people that’s a big issue. But when I was a slim young adult who could and did eat anything that also drew a slew of comments. Some people are just bitchy but some are very controlling through food.

This sounds like orthorexic behaviour and I would struggle being around this on holiday.

Also lol @ pp who said the op must have been hugely overweight to lose 60lbs and be a size 8 - she was probably a size 14 at most.

@Cadelo 4/5 star hotels in Greece will usually have scales you can ask for in your room so you don’t have to lug your own around! I usually ask for a set to stay on track (maintaining a healthy weight)

This is in disorder territory

Actually, OP, after reading all your comments,
F it. Stick to your choices, you are an adult, there's nothing wrong with that.
I see lots of people around me who would benefit from "losing 60 lbs", but very few achieve it.

In your circumstances it is very understandable you are careful about what you eat. After having lost so much weight and made a lot of effort the last thing you want to do is to put weight back on. Carry on with what you're doing and stuff other folk. It's not their body or health. But taking the scales on holiday is a bit over the top. Leave the at home.

What would we do without therapy ? OP has followed a diet regime and has lost a lot of weight in a healthy way, and has a healthy BMI. She’s worked hard to lose the weight, is aware that it’s easy to regain and from her posts seems to eat healthily. But because she weighs herself every day and wants to take the scales on holiday suddenly she’s obsessed and has an eating disorder. Only on MN.

It took me just over 9 months to lose the weight. Very hard time of my life. Being in a defect constantly was hell

For some, losing 5lb is a slog, and the thought of gaining 5lb after losing 60 is unthinkable - it’s the slippery slope towards overweight. Until you’ve been in that position you’re in no position to judge what is and isn’t an eating disorder.