My restrictive eating triggers people

[Cadelo]

I wouldn’t say I have an issue with food but I am very mindful of what I eat.

I am 30 and spent a lot of my 20s depressed because of my weight. I love being able to put on a dress and not worry how I will look in it. I love not always having to go for the flattering option. I don’t miss the comments where people made me feel like shit unintentionally - “her body is thick like yours”.

3 years ago I lost 60 pounds. It was not pleasant. I never want to go back.

I just know my controlled eating annoys people. My own sister will invite me over for a takeaway and get annoyed when we order pizza and I only have a slice/or 2 and make a big salad to go along with it. “You only live once”. Blah blah blah.

I’m getting enough calories to maintain my weight. My bmi is also healthy. Some people call me scrawny but like I said I have a healthy bmi.

So I do take scales on holiday as I weigh myself daily. And my SIL made a comment that if she sees them she’s going to chuck them in the bin. She’s a normal weight. I’m glad her life was never small due to confidence issues. If I see I am over a certain weight I just know to eat lightly for a week or so.

I know we will sit down for breakfast (we are going to Greece in 2 weeks) and she will say something or try to tempt me when I order a fruit platter. Or constantly trying to get me to have an ice cream (I do occasionally - and when I do it becomes this massive thing).

I’m so sick of my eating being a problem for others.

Yes I wondered about this. Are you obviously saying “oh I couldn’t possibly eat this?” or just quietly getting on and ordering what you fancy?

I really do not bring up food. I genuinely only see food as fuel.

My eating becomes conspicuous when after a night out everyone is having a full English and I prefer a juice / fruit.

No I don’t say stuff like that

If you say you’re scrawny then they’re probably thinking it’s an obsession. I know you never want to go back so I have no suggestions but it is a bit of a minefield- I have a friend who eats healthy and I mean properly well but calorie counts and any meal we’ve ever had has always contained one ‘there’s no way I’m having that’.

She lost two stone years ago but now is definitely on the too thin (looking) side. It’s hard to navigate because I get the feeling she’s always that little bit on edge about it and that to me is not happy in your skin. Just giving you the other side of it

But I’m not obsessed with the scales. I weigh myself whilst I brush my teeth. If the number has jumped then I just know that day not to indulge in cocktails etc

I wouldn’t bat an eyelid what anyone else ordered for breakfast unless they made a big thing of ‘oh I couldn’t possibly eat a huge breakfast’ etc.

Do they comment on each others eating habits or just yours?

Not a drip feed but I have PCOS so my bmr is naturally lower. Very easy to over eat

1/2 pound is a daily fluctuation though? TMI .. I've done poos heavier than that

Taking the scales... batshit

Moderate food intake .. sensible

Having 2 slices of pizza and a salad sounds much better than just pizza on its own.. from a taste and health POV

Crack on. Tell SIL to do one, "I don't comment on your food choices and I would appreciate you not commenting on mine"

Well done for losing the weight OP! You only need to look around to see that it's hard to lose weight and keep it off. If you have found that really close monitoring is what you need to do to stay on track then so be it. It doesn't sound perfect but if the alternative is putting on weight and all the negative health implications that go along with that then keep up the monitoring.

If you weren't obsessed with the scales you wouldn't take them

If you’re taking scales on holiday you’re obsessed with scales.

I think it’s a case of you’re on holiday, lighten up/live a little from SIL other family.

I am living. When I was fat I was borderline agoraphobic.

I am in the minority, but I think it is perfectly ok to take scales. It is a HUGE adjustment to have lost 60lbs (many congratulations BTW) and you are still in the process of adjusting. If daily weigh-ins help your confidence, then do it. You will eventually be at the point of not needing to do this.
You do need to develop a thicker skin with your relies, tho. Practice a couple of standard answers or ways of changing the subject when they go on at you. I do find people that comment on others eating habits incredibly rude & have boundary issues.
I have become a v light eater & food refuser (slow metabolism) but I don’t get comments.
Try to enjoy your holiday.

Firstly OP well done for losing the weight! And secondly well done for keeping it off. I wish I had your motivation and will power, maybe it’s a little jealousy as how many slices you eat does not affect anyone’s life

I admire the determination and self discipline you must have shown to lose so much weight. However, I think this:

So I do take scales on holiday as I weigh myself daily.

is OTT and probably counter productive.

Weight can fluctuate slightly from day to day and even within the same day. I can understand keeping a careful eye on the situation but I would say probably weigh yourself no more than once a week and always on the same day and time of day.

Surely things are not going to get so out of hand in one week that you have to diet massively to put it right?

Everything you said is fine- but the scales got me. Surely the complex has a gym, scales etc. It’s a step too far taking them imo.

Daily weighing isn’t healthy for some people. For others, it works. I have lost over 120lbs and I weigh myself every morning but I have reached a place where I no longer attach emotion to the number. I view it purely as data collection to identify trends or how XYZ affects my body.

OP, you do sound a bit disordered around food and body image. If people are referring to you as ‘scrawny’, you’re probably thinner than you think.

Scales on holiday - you have what sounds like an eating disorder .

By eating a full English breakfast? I just find it odd that they’d take it upon themselves off their own backs to actively comment on your food intake unless you’ve got into the habit of bringing it up yourself.

In what context did your husband bring up the fact you’re taking the scales on holiday? I’ve never discussed what I’m packing on holiday really.

You have lost a lot of weight, you should be congratulated. Have you any loose skin that might prompt remarks like scrawny?
Weighing yourself everyday sounds as if you might be becoming obsessive about your weight.
Holidays are meant to be a change of routine when we relax.

Reading your posts I would say you still have quite an unhealthy relationship with food and your body. You've lost the weight that's great, but now fear and a lack of trust in yourself controls you. I suspect that's what your family see.

Everything you've said is okay apart from the scales, taking scales on holiday is bonkers.

Ignore some of these remarks. Going on holiday with someone who should be supporting you but instead deliberately makes personal remarks knowing your eating history is hard enough, so take the scales if it helps you to feel in control and make sure you have a lovely holiday.

Having said that, when you come home I think you do need to address the daily weighing, it sounds as though it is becoming something that you are relying on and clinging on to, that you don’t have confidence in your ability to regulate your weight by healthy eating and exercise, which I think you have shown yourself very capable of doing. So when you are back home maybe change the weighing to once a week, then in a few months once a fortnight. It doesn’t sound as though you need to do it to regulate your weight, but are hanging on to it as a mental crutch and need to wean yourself off the habit.

The number does not ‘jump’ within a day. That is called water retention, not getting fat.

The fact that you are blind as to why this is obsessive shows that you are in a really unhealthy situation, OP.

I don't think anyone needs to comment on anyone else's eating habits tbh, it sounds like you don't comment on hers so she doesn't need to comment on yours