My restrictive eating triggers people

[Cadelo]

I wouldn’t say I have an issue with food but I am very mindful of what I eat.

I am 30 and spent a lot of my 20s depressed because of my weight. I love being able to put on a dress and not worry how I will look in it. I love not always having to go for the flattering option. I don’t miss the comments where people made me feel like shit unintentionally - “her body is thick like yours”.

3 years ago I lost 60 pounds. It was not pleasant. I never want to go back.

I just know my controlled eating annoys people. My own sister will invite me over for a takeaway and get annoyed when we order pizza and I only have a slice/or 2 and make a big salad to go along with it. “You only live once”. Blah blah blah.

I’m getting enough calories to maintain my weight. My bmi is also healthy. Some people call me scrawny but like I said I have a healthy bmi.

So I do take scales on holiday as I weigh myself daily. And my SIL made a comment that if she sees them she’s going to chuck them in the bin. She’s a normal weight. I’m glad her life was never small due to confidence issues. If I see I am over a certain weight I just know to eat lightly for a week or so.

I know we will sit down for breakfast (we are going to Greece in 2 weeks) and she will say something or try to tempt me when I order a fruit platter. Or constantly trying to get me to have an ice cream (I do occasionally - and when I do it becomes this massive thing).

I’m so sick of my eating being a problem for others.

That sounds like a perfectly rational way to choose healthier options but still get to eat out with friends.

Its clear that your SIL was paying close attention to what you chose to order and chipping in with "go on get a cheese naan down you," sounds quite mocking, drawing everyone else's attention to what you are eating. It's nasty behaviour and Your SIL really needs to be firmly told to mind her own business.

Fucks sake. Why is it anyone else’s business what OP eats and if she likes to weigh daily?

i was fat until my late 20’s. A couple of decades on now but growing up fat had such an influence on me and the fear of going back there will never leave me.

i fully accept I don’t have a healthy relationship with food but I am healthy in body now.

Like OP, I don’t talk about my issues (and I do have issues!) but while my friends are obviously aware of this, it doesn’t impact them at all and they wouldn’t dream of giving me a hard time about it.

Your SIL needs to wind her neck in. And maybe make an effort to understand why you choose to eat as you do.

Perhaps bring a measuring tape instead? More portable and arguably more reliable. Your weight can go up with muscle and water weight etc but waist measurement will only really go up with fat.

While personally I don't think I'm extreme, I always try to avoid sugar. So no biscuits and chocolate. I know colleagues and friends can get a bit annoyed at my always saying no. But hey, we all have our quirks.

why should she?

I just saw in her op that her sil was threatening to throw out her scales etc. So a tape measure might be a more discrete option? Not sure why that's so wrong of me to suggest?...

because it only benefits sil who frankly should keep her beak out.

Because it suggests that OP needs to accommodate and adapt her behaviour to the bully that her SIL is.

I think I understand the urge for peaceful coexistence but at what cost?

Er the cost is minimal with my suggestion? But in any case it is just a suggestion, the op can obviously take it or leave it.

the cost is not anything to do with the change, its danegeld.

Your sister is being awful, you're being healthy so well done. While I don't usually support frequent weighing, in your case it is part of what helps you and she should respect that.

When you said she's never known what it was like for your world to be small that really touches me. It sounds like you're doing what you need to, to make sure life is never small again.

As someone who has had an ED I am not sure this is true. I think there have to be far more symptoms than being a bit nervous about weight gain. Op posted the food she eats and it seems perfectly healthy to me and not extreme. I don’t think Op should call her eating restrictive.

Disciplined might be fairer.

If it doesn't control your life then I think it's just an approach not an eating disorder. Seems to me op is avoiding disordered eating by using this strategy.

Most posters understand your POV, OP. Have you decided what you’re going to do about this situation with your SIL? Are you going to speak to her as some posters have suggested?

Why are people asking such weird invasive questions? It's so rude.

Why on earth would you think that ?

Oh god, so over people commenting on my weight and food intake.

i like being slim.

I’ve taken scales away before :)

good on you I say

Scales on holiday is excessive. I used to do this but I had an eating disorder.

It sounds like your weight is ruling your life and it could be a slippery slope to anorexia.

Perhaps your SIL and sister are worried about you but they don't need to be so rude with their comments.

Do you actually want to go on holiday with your SIL? If I’m following right you only met your husband in the last 3 years if it’s since the weightloss, so seems quite an ask to have holidays with the in laws. Especially one who sounds a bit controlling and judgy.

I love my holidays and a lot of it is about the freedom to do just what I feel like! Which includes choosing what I eat, with fewer big meals and a few less cocktails than I used to have. I’ve made a reasonably successful effort to lose weight, like you I don’t want to diet again and don’t want to get back to the days of getting back from holidays half a stone heavier.

My husband gets what I’m like and is supportive.
I’d be horrified if I had to go with the in-laws, we sometimes do a few days away with friends and there can be a bit more pressure over food and drink, ie people wanting 3 courses, and saying go on, I’m having pudding, but I don’t think goes anywhere near as far as your SIL.

If she swaps to a tape measure OP will:
a) still be able to monitor her weight gain daily
b) avoid annoying comments from others (since tape measure much more discreet)
c) prevent SIL from throwing it out because its much easier to hide away or even carry everywhere with you in a handbag etc.
d) potentially have a healthier mindset since waist circumference is arguably a better measure and less prone to random fluctuations

Sure, it won't solve the underlying problem of busy-body relatives, but it could give OP a bit more breathing room for the short stretches she needs to interact with them.

The way I see it tape measure is too fussy and takes up too much time. Op just wants to hop on and off the scale and then get on with her day.

Sure, at home that makes perfect sense. On holiday less so.

either the Sil doesn't know in which case why do it OR the sil does know that Op is measuring instead of weighing and she can make the same stupid fuss OR she sees that the scales are gone and thinks she has got her own way, in which case danegeld. All of this of course is further confused by the fact that the OP won't be changing her eating habits and "getting a cheese naan down her" in which case she continues to make the same stupid public fuss. I see no benefit.

if It is what she likes to do and has the space to pack it in her suitcase then that’s her call, I reckon. No one else’s business. It makes sense to Op and that’s all that matters.