My restrictive eating triggers people

[Cadelo]

I wouldn’t say I have an issue with food but I am very mindful of what I eat.

I am 30 and spent a lot of my 20s depressed because of my weight. I love being able to put on a dress and not worry how I will look in it. I love not always having to go for the flattering option. I don’t miss the comments where people made me feel like shit unintentionally - “her body is thick like yours”.

3 years ago I lost 60 pounds. It was not pleasant. I never want to go back.

I just know my controlled eating annoys people. My own sister will invite me over for a takeaway and get annoyed when we order pizza and I only have a slice/or 2 and make a big salad to go along with it. “You only live once”. Blah blah blah.

I’m getting enough calories to maintain my weight. My bmi is also healthy. Some people call me scrawny but like I said I have a healthy bmi.

So I do take scales on holiday as I weigh myself daily. And my SIL made a comment that if she sees them she’s going to chuck them in the bin. She’s a normal weight. I’m glad her life was never small due to confidence issues. If I see I am over a certain weight I just know to eat lightly for a week or so.

I know we will sit down for breakfast (we are going to Greece in 2 weeks) and she will say something or try to tempt me when I order a fruit platter. Or constantly trying to get me to have an ice cream (I do occasionally - and when I do it becomes this massive thing).

I’m so sick of my eating being a problem for others.

Let them get triggered. That's their issue. You do what you want! Well done on being healthy!

But that's noone's business but OP's (and whoever she shares a room with.

I agree it sounds controlling (of OP towards herself) but it has no bearing on anyone else's food or life.

If weighing every day helps you feel in control, take the scales with you. It will spoil the holiday for you, if you are worrying whether you have put on weight. It is no one else's business.

I'm sorry to be blunt OP, but if I was your friend or family I would be concerned for your wellbeing. From my experience it sounds like you might have an eating disorder. Have a think about whether food is stopping you from living life eg, do you avoid social arrangements that involve food?
It's very common not to be able to recognise this in your own behaviour, especially in the early stages and is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.

I suspect your husband telling your sister about the daily weighing was a cry for help on his part as he's worried about you. If you are feeling brave, could you ask him how he feels about your eating/weighing and if he has concerns?

Can you speak to your GP?

Try looking at the BEAT website for advice.

I wish you well and strength to take the steps you need. There are lots of compassionate people out there who understand and want to help you.

I could have written this. I feel really happy for everyone commenting that the OP is obsessive, because it doesn't sound like you've had to go through life being limited in this way. Once you find freedom, just letting it all go for a week to appease other people doesn't appeal

OP I am really fat and I wish I had adopted your approach when I gained weight

It's no one's business what you eat. I shudder to think what they'd be like if they met an alcoholic....maybe more sympathetic I dunno.

I know the body fluctuates. I monitor to make sure I am in my range. I have to come to understand what my body does over the course of my menstrual cycle.

Sorry, but I'd hate to go on holiday with you and would feel that you were judging choices regardless of whether you were or not. The scales are ott.

Well done on the weight loss, but you do seem to have disordered eating.

Except you do not have to. That is called being obsessive.

Agree. Salad and pizza your choice. Scales is verging in a mental illness/ food disorder.

Yeah, and everyone's weight naturally fluctuates up and down on a daily basis anyway.

Taking scales is bonkers but unless you are very underweight (and people describing you as scrawny does allude to that) your way of eating doesn't sound terrible at all, just on the light side. Personally I would tell SIL that once upon a time I weighed a lot more and it took a LOT to lose it and you don't wish to go back there so the scales remind you to stay on track because you have a tendency to overindulge if you don't. HOWEVER... you should be aware that weight fluctuates all day, every day, through various factors and weighing yourself on the daily does not actually give you a true representation of your weight. You would be better to do this once per week or use a special pair of jeans or something to see if you feel you have gone over - you would soon tell and then can lighten up rather than fixating on numbers on a scale.

Well done on losing so much weight.

I completely understand the weighing daily thing, it's something I do too...I weigh in kgs so it's just about data collection and seeing what's happening daily rather than fixating on how much I weigh (my brain can't process kg in the same way as stones and lbs).

That being said, I've never taken the scales on holiday...but then I'm still stuck with needing to lose at least 3 more stone - I've been in plateau state for 3 years (that's a whole other thread). I think people who have never had to battle and restrict food to a very precise amount just don't understand how the scales are actually a supportive aspect rather than a controlling/obsessive one.

It sounds like you're doing a great job of not falling back onto that slippery slope of 'treats' that end up being a way of eating. You know how difficult it was the first time round, I'm very impressed that you have the willpower to stop it happening again.

Other people can fuck off!

It's no one else's business if you take the scales on holiday. If its part of your routine and makes you feel you are keeping track of things, I can't see the harm in bringing it and quietly using it in the privacy of your own room.
I see it was your DH who let slip.
Why is your SIL taking it apon herself to comment on your scales, your breakfast, what you eat, how much you've lost? I'd find that really annoying. She needs to back off.
You are a healthy BMI and after 3 years are staying on track and feel better for it.
Quite a few posts saying its too much tho. I'm surprised, but maybe it might be a good idea to check with whichever diet advisor you used.

Perhaps you could ask your family 'Would you be constantly on at me about drinking if I were an alcoholic?'

Binge eating disorder is a miserable way to live @Cadelo and I totally get it. You've done so well to get to where you are - a healthy bmi and a way to cope day to day.

Maybe your family are genuinely worried because they are used to you being bigger and the contrast plus your coping mechanisms seem excessive to them. Maybe they have an odd relationship with food themselves and your refusal to 'let go' completely is triggering for them. I don't know, obviously. Maybe they feel judged however erroneously by your not indulging.

Whatever their reasoning, it's massively annoying being constantly pestered to eat stuff just to make other people feel better.

Stick to what works for you.

I actually completely get where you’re coming from. Losing that amount of weight must have been very difficult, particularly as you have pcos (me too!) and it’s understandable that you need to remain in the somewhat-restricted mindset when it comes to food and eating to prevent putting weight back on.
As long as you’re not commenting on other peoples food intake or saying smug stuff ‘oh I couldn’t possibly eat all that!’ etc (I’m sure you’re not!), then it’s really no one’s business. You know what is right for you and your health.

It's jealousy..I lost some too- not as much as you but a fair bit- and suddenly people are "concerned". And I'm "bony". BMI 21, healthy weight. No one was expressing any concern when I had BMI of 28 +, no energy and was aching constantly....
Now I have SIL trying to force me to eat chocolate- I quit sugar and she know it!

It's not you OP, it's them. Carry on doing what you are doing and ignore comments. Smile and don't engage.

I’m a size 8 - sometimes 10 on top. Normal imo

I have to say if someone brought scales on holiday with me I would chuck them as well. Unless you’re going on holiday for a month and eating out 3 meals a day plus snacks and not moving at all, it really is not necessary to even think about your weight when on holiday

Let me disappoint you. Weight fluctuates daily, mostly due to water retention which can be triggered by eating slightly saltier foods than normal, a little more carbs (for every gram of glycogen your body stores 3-4g of water), and many other factors. You can’t really attribute 1/2lb of weight gain to anything but natural water fluctuations. To gain 1lb of fat, you need to have eaten 3500cal ON TOP of your TDEE. Which it doesn’t really sound like you do.
1-2 slices of pizza is a normal portion size so your family is unreasonable, however, taking scales on holiday is OTT.

You can't bloody win can you?!
The comments when you're overweight and the comments now you're a healthy weight.

You crack on op. And well done 👏

Why do you care?!

It wouldn't bother me the slightest, in fact
I may eat more healthily if on holiday with you!
😁

After working so hard to lose a lot of weight and finding pleasure in being able to wear and look/feel good in nice clothes, it’s disordered to keep a strict eye on your weight once you reach your goal weight. I don’t know if I’d necessarily take scales on holiday with me, but OP knows what she needs to do to keep the weight off. Having lost five stones a few years ago and worked at keeping it off ever since, I know how easily the weight creeps back on if you don’t keep an eye on it. There are those of us who put on weight very easily for whatever reason, and for whom it’s a big thing to finally achieve the weight loss we want. Those who don’t have that problem probably won’t understand that point of view, and I think this is what will divide opinion on the thread.

That’s daft. You could gain or lose that in fluid (or a large poo!) or during your cycle. While I don’t think you’re wrong to watch your weight, taking scales on holiday is obsessive and shows you do have an issue. Also, your obsession about putting on half a pound is also too extreme. Restricted eating and obsessive strictness like this can lead to an ED.

There’s a middle way.