My restrictive eating triggers people

[Cadelo]

I wouldn’t say I have an issue with food but I am very mindful of what I eat.

I am 30 and spent a lot of my 20s depressed because of my weight. I love being able to put on a dress and not worry how I will look in it. I love not always having to go for the flattering option. I don’t miss the comments where people made me feel like shit unintentionally - “her body is thick like yours”.

3 years ago I lost 60 pounds. It was not pleasant. I never want to go back.

I just know my controlled eating annoys people. My own sister will invite me over for a takeaway and get annoyed when we order pizza and I only have a slice/or 2 and make a big salad to go along with it. “You only live once”. Blah blah blah.

I’m getting enough calories to maintain my weight. My bmi is also healthy. Some people call me scrawny but like I said I have a healthy bmi.

So I do take scales on holiday as I weigh myself daily. And my SIL made a comment that if she sees them she’s going to chuck them in the bin. She’s a normal weight. I’m glad her life was never small due to confidence issues. If I see I am over a certain weight I just know to eat lightly for a week or so.

I know we will sit down for breakfast (we are going to Greece in 2 weeks) and she will say something or try to tempt me when I order a fruit platter. Or constantly trying to get me to have an ice cream (I do occasionally - and when I do it becomes this massive thing).

I’m so sick of my eating being a problem for others.

I think it’s fine to take scales on holiday, people have been very rude, what’s it to them. I went on a holiday last year where there actually were scales there anyway! It’s not like you’re making everyone weigh in!

You ARE obsessive about your weight and as long as you are getting enough fuel/vitamins/minerals/protein etc, why shouldn't you be obsessive ?

Your body, your choice.

It is easy to put on half a stone on holiday and with PCOS - losing weight is HARD

Your partner needs to keep his mouth shut and the other people around you should, imo, be supporting you to live the way you choose (as long as your choice isn't self harming)

Op you do what you need to do. If that's taking scales on holiday then so be it. Welldone for losing 60 pounds and keeping it off, and being dedicated and proactive rather than undisciplined and lazy.

What do you mean when you say it becomes a big thing (when you eat an ice cream)?

They are going to feel shamed though aren't they.

If every time they order food or drinks you order something miniscule in comparison it's going to make them feel like they are constantly pigging out. I couldn't be around someone like that on holiday.

I've never been overweight but I have always maintained my figure and possibly not as extreme as you, but I eat small portions.

My sisters are the same.

I have found that some people are hellbent on being feeders.

'Oh go in, have a bit more.'
'Is that all you're having?'
'Aren't you hungry?'
'That wouldn't fill me up!'
Blah blah blah

I don't feel hungry but some people like to tell others to eat more. Some are just being kind and think you don't eat enough. Mostly elderly people who think you should eat more.

Others may want an excuse for themselves to eat more and feel angry that because you're not eating more it makes them look greedy.

'What's it git go do with you? Worry about your own food consumption, not mine!' Is my stock answer.

My only question to you OP and anyone else who has managed to shift large amounts is how did you do it?

Such a hard thing to do. Well done to you all 👏👏👏

And anyone who hasn't struggled with weight can seriously fucking jog the fuck on!

Everyone who, like the OP, has lost a lot of weight will know all about the natural fluctuations. That’s not what worries us - water retention is different from putting on and storing the fat you’ve worked so hard to lose. You can’t bloody win on MN.

I'm sorry you get treated like this.

Fwiw I wouldn't give a flying fuck if you took scales on holiday and ate salad as long as you didn't want to weigh me or comment on my food or bang on about what you can and can't eat, calories, weight etc and you didn't look at my food with puppy eyes then all is good 😁

If you want to weigh yourself daily and eat salad but we can have a laugh together then more pizza for me! I'm happy.

People often do seem to act like things you do are a criticism of them. It's their issue. Don't let it get to you.

You eating sounds disordered. Weighing yourself daily isn't normal or healthy.

I think other people shouldn't comment on your eating, obviously. But, I wonder if their perception is that you are being judgemental towards them?

Being honest, I'd probably avoid holidaying together, it sounds uncomfortable.

Fat doesn’t go on in a day though, therefore daily weighing is pointless and just feeding an ED.

I lost five stone a while back.

However, during that time I still ate what I wanted on holiday, had restaurant meals, ate more than one slice of pizza at social events, etc. Just not on every single day of my life. I ate healthily and exercised the majority of the time, but I also understood that the 5lbs I might gain on a week's holiday could be lost again in about the same amount of time as soon as I returned home. And absolutely never in a million years would I have taken the scales on holiday.

Personally, I think people are not so much 'triggered' as actively concerned that you're becoming obsessive and disordered when it comes to weight. It's absolutely fine that you want to eat fruit for breakfast, that's obviously perfectly reasonable - but the thing is, people are probably only noticed you doing this because of the wider context of you doing far less reasonable things like taking the scales on holiday.

Look, I do get it - there are definitely people who are a bit weird about other people being on a diet. I've experienced that. But I think in your case it's much more about the way you're approaching it, in such a rigid and obsessive way, that is drawing attention to it.

I think at some point you may have to choose between your fear of gaining anything over 5 pounds and taking the scales on holiday with you VERSUS your interpersonal relationships.

It sounds disordered and exhausting.

I think it's like if you've been an alcoholic you need to cut the alcohol consumers from your life if they continue to drink in front of you.

She's bullying you. And sounds jealous.

Why would it affect you though?!

I admire your strength and determination to keep the weight off, but it sounds like it's become an unhealthy obsession.

This. A “healthy BMI” be a healthy BMI but not if you are tall and not naturally a slight build.

Exactly!
I love going out with my friends who don't drink alcohol. It means I'm much more likely not to 😆

But when you weigh yourself on holiday, are you making allowances for every external factor that causes fluctuations?

Flying makes me bloat up like a blimp so that affects my weight for a couple of days. I also retain water in hot weather, so that needs to be accounted for. If you eat a bit more food than normal, you’ll have more waste in your system and that adds to your overall weight, not to mention the effect of eating more salt than usual. It goes on and on.

Holiday fluctuations tend to be more extreme than normal for all of those reasons but it doesn’t mean you have gained 5lbs of fat.

People really need to learn not comment on what other people eat no matter how slim or fat they are!!
I have a naturally low appetite and people think it’s fine to constantly comment on how much or how little I eat to the point where I find it really difficult to eat in public now, at my worst I was having panic attacks at the thought of eating lunch at work.

Bringing scales on holiday probably isn’t a healthy way to deal with your anxiety around food but it’s you that has to live with your anxiety day to day not your sil

Why on earth wouldn’t I care? If I am on holiday I want to relax and have fun, being on holiday with someone who is so obsessive about their weight that they are taking scales on holiday to check every single day and then restrict their eating over the result is not healthy and not something I would want to be around on holiday. I also have a daughter and I would HATE for her to pick up on that extremely restrictive and punishing attitude towards our bodies and food.

Look after yourself and be healthy, absolutely, but at the point you need a set of scales on a holiday the line between healthy and unhealthy has absolutely been crossed.

Tbh as someone who was very restrictive in my 20s I would find this very triggering and really couldn’t spend much time with you. I am still careful but try not to obsess and would for example eat pizza with friends as a) do want it and want more than 2 slices and b) sometimes it’s about joining in and not ruining the fun. Would rather that and balance with lighter meals day after. Ironically my less restrictive approach has yielded weight loss beyond my previous obsessive state and curbed by binging. Would really suggest you look at leaving scales behind - your behaviour is triggering because it is unhealthy.

I think you'd benefit from some therapy to work through how you felt when you were 60lbs heavier, and your fear of going back there. Your eating is disordered and it's clearly affecting your relationships. Therapy will help you find a calmer ground between your old binging and the restrictive eating and obsessive weighing that is now a big part of your life.

But isn't that the point? OP knows what she needs to do to keep the weight off so the scales are superfluous.

It is disordered to weight yourself every morning, and then allow that to determine whether or not you have a cocktail on holiday. 🤷🏻‍♀️

So regardless of reasons, which I agree are understandable, it's disordered.

Well done op that is a fantastic achievement! Losing all of that and keeping it off is a big thing.

Some people are severely affected by their weight and it sounds like mentally you were on the floor.

You don’t want to go back there and even I don’t want you to! Therefore stuff what they say - eat and drink as you see fit!

And real, healthy food is actually delicious! And Greek salads are amazing!

I should add tho do you not hold onto extra water weight when you go abroad with the heat? (Making the scales a bit unreliable) Happens to me - feel like I gain 5lb as soon as I step off the plane I swell!