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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner didn't drive me to my C-section appointment

423 replies

LoopyDays · 03/07/2024 11:32

He decided he would go to work on the day of my C-section, and decided it would be okay for me to get on 2 buses to go to the hospital with my heavy suitcase, even though I'm walking gingerly at 39 weeks pregnant. He said he'd meet me there once the action starts, (but not a second before, what with the epidural injection, the prep and checks, he doesnt want to see all that) so no emotional support, nor help, not even help with packing from the day/night before. Instead he was hanging out with friends last night til 12midnight.
I decided last minute to get an Uber, £17 to the hospital, and I've taken a screenshot of the fare so he can pay it. I don't see why he couldn't give me a lift instead, and then come back with public transport himself. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
FrenchandSaunders · 03/07/2024 11:43

This can't be real, I'm shocked!

I'd give a complete stranger a lift to hospital if she was having a c section 🙁

pikkumyy77 · 03/07/2024 11:43

This guy s awful, OP. You must have had a terrible life to have gone this far with this wanker. You don’t even seem surprised? So it doesn’t sound like he was ever any different. Is this how women were treated in your family of origin?

At any rate if you do find the strength to dump him it will be small loss and great gain as he will never be any use as a partner or father.

CelesteCunningham · 03/07/2024 11:43

YANBU, you know what you need to do. Flowers

@isadren I took a taxi to my c section while DH took DC1 to nursery and followed on with the car. None of that is relevant as it's a decision we made together and the most supportive thing DH could do for me so I knew DD was taken care of. OP's case is different, and I'm sure you can see that.

TemuSpecialBuy · 03/07/2024 11:44

He is an absolute shit head.

Glad you got the uber i was going to suggest it.

Can your mother or anyone else join you for the birth. Id be inclined to tell him to fuck off back to work given its more important than his partner or child.

Also DO NOT give the baby his surname. You will regret it.

Sicario · 03/07/2024 11:45

So from your post I'm guessing the baby wasn't planned and he doesn't want to be a parent, right?

He sounds like a real prize...

Angelsrose · 03/07/2024 11:46

YABU if you stick with this loser. Otherwise YANBU.

ThatVoodooThatYouDoooo · 03/07/2024 11:47

Is this new behaviour?

HappierTimesAhead · 03/07/2024 11:48

I am so sorry, what a horrible wanker

Shoxfordian · 03/07/2024 11:48

When someone shows you who they are then believe it
Hope you've dumped him

Babyboomtastic · 03/07/2024 11:48

This is awful from him, and you week bed to decide in the what this means for your relationship.

But for today, for now, if you can, choose to put the anger and upset that your rightly feel, away (to resolve later) and concentrate on the amazing thing that's going to happen today - meeting your baby. Don't let his selfishness and worry about the relationship marr this special moment in your life.

You'll soon have your baby in your arms, and I wish you all the best. Everything can be resolved in time, but now is the time for you and your baby to meet x

Julyshouldbesunny · 03/07/2024 11:48

Not sure I would bother ringing him at all op...

fieldsofbutterflies · 03/07/2024 11:49

isadren · 03/07/2024 11:39

I had no problems taking public transport to my c section appointment, most healthy women could manage it. DH was dropping off our eldest at nursery so he came along later. I didn't need a heavy suitcase, just a cabin size rucksack with 2 days worth of supplies.

Have a gold star ⭐️

3luckystars · 03/07/2024 11:49

Good luck woman.

NoseNothing · 03/07/2024 11:50

isadren · 03/07/2024 11:39

I had no problems taking public transport to my c section appointment, most healthy women could manage it. DH was dropping off our eldest at nursery so he came along later. I didn't need a heavy suitcase, just a cabin size rucksack with 2 days worth of supplies.

Your medal is in the post 🥇

MangoJojo · 03/07/2024 11:51

The thing is with posts like these, you can post just to vent and discuss. You don't have to phrase is as AIBU, and actually ask that queestion as if you don't know the answer. No decent human being would consider this reasonable.

I hope you have support elsewhere.

turkeymuffin · 03/07/2024 11:52

You need to prepare for life as a single parent

I wouldn't call him when the baby is here, I'd focus on bonding with the baby without him.

He's a shit. He's shown you how unsupportive he is going to be.

Phone your mum or friends or someone else to come and have a joyful day with you. Don't let this absolute loser overshadow the day of your baby's birth.

Thoughtful2355 · 03/07/2024 11:53

Sorry but it only gets worse from here x

How you live with this is up to you

Blahblahblah2 · 03/07/2024 11:54

He's a massive douche bag. Totally out of order.

Good luck with everything 💐

pinkpillowlady · 03/07/2024 11:54

Sorry OP that’s really shit.

are you in a casual relationship with him? What is the backstory?

regardless, I’d put the brakes on him coming to the hospital now at all. Get someone who cares about you to come along and witness the birth of your baby.

Psspsspssssss · 03/07/2024 11:54

There's a massive typo in your thread title OP. Partner is the wrong word for whatever this man is.
Might I suggest some alternatives? Shag bag? Cockwomble?

Oldfatandfrumpy · 03/07/2024 11:55

As a PP said, he's a piece of shit.

And if he refuses to support you through the whole process, there is no chance of let him in 'once the action starts' either

Zanina · 03/07/2024 11:57

Even a donkey would have carried you to the hospital if you told it to.

gardenmusic · 03/07/2024 11:58

Do you have help for after the birth? Don't think it's going to be him.

Julyshouldbesunny · 03/07/2024 11:58

Ime those who can't fully support you during pregnancy don't shape up to be a decent df.. My ex slept in a chair in the corner of the room furthest away from me in labour ... He was THAT cunt who asked for extra stitches in... We have 3 adult dc and divorced years ago. Dc haven't seen him since teenage years. Can't think why.

PBandJ111 · 03/07/2024 11:58

The fact that you have even asked if this is unreasonable is bizarre. Of course it’s unreasonable. He’s an absolute twat. I wouldn’t communicate with him again. I’d start planning an exit from the relationship because if this is your life, you’re screwed.