Partner didn't drive me to my C-section appointment

[LoopyDays]

He decided he would go to work on the day of my C-section, and decided it would be okay for me to get on 2 buses to go to the hospital with my heavy suitcase, even though I'm walking gingerly at 39 weeks pregnant. He said he'd meet me there once the action starts, (but not a second before, what with the epidural injection, the prep and checks, he doesnt want to see all that) so no emotional support, nor help, not even help with packing from the day/night before. Instead he was hanging out with friends last night til 12midnight.
I decided last minute to get an Uber, £17 to the hospital, and I've taken a screenshot of the fare so he can pay it. I don't see why he couldn't give me a lift instead, and then come back with public transport himself. Am I being unreasonable?

Many congratulations @LoopyDays

Oh hon, I have been in your shoes and am HAPPILY divorced.

It will only get worse from here. And that is hard to think about.

Enjoy your time with you little one and let go of the father lifting a finger. In fact, be prepared for him to sabotage everything, especially when you go back to work. Mine did so terribly, he would 'forget' to do pick ups, leave town last minute when he knew I had a work travel... to the point I lost my high level career and it took 8 years to find the same work again.

While at home, start collecting documentation on earnings, tax returns, investments, all the financials and send to an attorney for safe keeping. And once you are on your feet,leave him.

And never tell him you are making preparations to leave. It will escalate.

If not married, and if your country allows it, do NOT give him parental authority where he needs to contribute to 50% of the decision making (where I am custody and parental authority are separate). He WILL control you via the child for the rest of your life.

that is unfair and hurtful. Based on what the OP has shared, it sounds like it is an abusive situation. And abusers LOVE getting their partners pregnant over and over again to keep them trapped.

What she needs is support. Not blame.

It takes guts and courage to get out of an abusive relationship. It takes time to realize you are being abused.

Refusing to get her to hospital for a C section is abuse... and that is just the tip of the iceberg I can imagine compared to what is happening day in and day out.

@jrc1071 I made that comment four days ago though, there’s been a lot more info since then.

Fair enough! Still catching up. Just got to the part where he is an EX. Wish that was in the original post!!

Okay so you need to tell him bye from now because ummm how are you going to cope mew born and C-section with such a boy ???

Tbf it’s really annoying when people don’t read the full thread and then just write a silly comment.

I would not ever be able to get past this.

To not be there on your last evening together as a couple without a baby, when you’re likely feeling nervous is thoughtless.
To outright refuse you direct, purposeful and important (to you) help when you have asked for it, without good reason, is controlling.

i hope your delivery goes well and that your baby is healthy and gorgeous. Please call your mum if you have one or a close friend for some support. Wishing you all the best.

Nope. This is not going to end well.

Aren’t you a hero?

@chubbychopsticks there's an amazing feature on MN where you can highlight all of OPs posts before you comment. Try it. It'll mean you're not talking about partners and a pending birth to a post partum woman who's admitted she's actually split up with her boyfriend 🙄

Im sorry you are going through this. If I was your neighbour I would help you. I would hate to see a woman with child treated so Flippantly.What a poor excuse of a human he is. This is so wrong. When you get home make sure to eat all your favourite foods and pamper yourself. M€n are so questionable around childbirth. Make him spend the summer in his shed.

The app doesn't let you do that.

@SwordToFlamethrower it does. Click the icon that looks like a filter near the top and click OPs name.

Actually I suppose it looks more like a funnel technically.

It's not what he did or didn't do; it's that he decided it all without you (according to your description). He ought to be serving you with joy, as the bearer of his kids, asking you what YOU need, what will make things easier and better for you. Instead, he takes a man's prerogative to not have to see icky things (while YOU endure them!), having a choice about where he is, etc. This is a man who will not be getting up at night, will not be staying home when baby is sick, will wonder what you do all day if you stay at home with the kid(s). Show yourself the value and respect he does not; leave him in the dust, and make sure he pays his fair share of care for the child.

Why an earth did you have a child with this person.
Seems more interested in hanging out with friends
He's not a coke head by any chance is he ?
If I was you I'd move far away from him with my baby and make my own life, if he wanted access he have to make the effort, if he didn't make the effort I'd be even happier as he's not worth having around, what a useless selfish prick.

That’s so sad. What a pathetic excuse of a man

Bless you. Just horrible. You don't have a partner. Make yourself available to raise your child and open to love again from someone who really loves you. Sending you a big hug x

Sounds awful and petty. I intend to return to work (from home) in 2 to 3 years. I'll let employers know about school runs as I wouldn't risk leaving it to him.
I've left the relationship already. I am trying to rely on him less and less as I believe an independent future is inevitable, ie. not sure that he'll stick around for much longer as a co-parent.

Thanks for the advice :)

No, he doesn't do drugs lol.
I agree, the ball is in his court regarding being a dad or not.

I want my kids to have a good relationship with their dad, but I'm not going to let that negatively affect my personal life.
If I decided moving away would do me good, I'd go for it, and he would have to make the effort, or not.
I'm now focused on making sure my kids are good with or without him.

@LoopyDays I wish you and your children all the very best. You're well rid of this loser, and fair play to you for kicking him to the kerb. Congratulations on your new baby boy. Don't ever let the twat ever weasel his way back x