Page 12 | Partner didn't drive me to my C-section appointment

LoopyDays · 2024-07-03T10:32:51+00:00

He decided he would go to work on the day of my C-section, and decided it would be okay for me to get on 2 buses to go to the hospital with my heavy suitcase, even though I'm walking gingerly at 39 weeks pregnant. He said he'd meet me there once the action starts, (but not a second before, what with the epidural injection, the prep and checks, he doesnt want to see all that) so no emotional support, nor help, not even help with packing from the day/night before. Instead he was hanging out with friends last night til 12midnight. I decided last minute to get an Uber, £17 to the hospital, and I've taken a screenshot of the fare so he can pay it. I don't see why he couldn't give me a lift instead, and then come back with public transport himself. Am I being unreasonable?

Screamingabdabz · 03/07/2024 18:11

IReallyStillCantBeBothered · 03/07/2024 15:48

Why are you having a second baby with him when you’re in just a co-parenting situation with zero relationship after the first baby?

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Why have any babies with such a useless dipstick? I will never understand it. Just more kids growing up around dysfunction and repeating the cycle.

Willmafrockfit · 03/07/2024 18:13

my dh had to learn to drive in order to drive me to give birth! he had only passed a week before the birth , which turned out to be caesarian.

good luck @LoopyDays
remember this

Calliopespa · 03/07/2024 18:13

pikkumyy77 · 03/07/2024 17:27

Perhaps it needs to be said that your father was not a “bad husband but good father” as you have described him. He was a terrible husband and so taught his children that partners can’t be counted in, that women must always make excuses snd puck up the slack for their lousy husbands, and that any sacrifice of time/pain/self worth/future earnings can be endured as long as child is born and man can do his thing.

You chose a horrendous man for your first child’s father, thenagain for your second child’s father (same guy so you knew how shitty he was) and now you are goong to keep him around for coparenting and financial suppirt? You think you are winning, somehow, on behalf of your children but you are setting them up for a lifetime of oain as they seek love and support from a tixic loser of a father and as they come to believe this id normsl and unavoidable. Your sons will imitate him and your daughters will imitate you. So a cycle of self abuse and submission by women and careless, sometime fathering by men will continue.

There’s far more in the way of accusation in this post than you can really substantiate.

In any case, she’s having her baby ( bit late not to) and I don’t know how helpful all this negativity on this thread is to be going through her mind during the time of her baby’s entrance into the world. Yes it was a bit shit of him not to take her in, I agree. But this post and quite a few others go waaaaay beyond that. “ cycle of self abuse and submission …?” She kept the Uber receipt. Yes we think she should present it to him.

kittensinthekitchen · 03/07/2024 18:14

CatherineDurrant · 03/07/2024 18:06

He's not interested in your wellbeing, how on earth is he your partner?

You're going to need some help after the section, I assume he's not going to step up for that either.

Is there anywhere you can go/ family who can help? No, you won't manage somehow, you'll be recovering from abdominal surgery as well as handlng a newborn. Make the arrangements now and see who you need to see before the birth.

First stop... time machine

CelesteCunningham · 03/07/2024 18:16

Screamingabdabz · 03/07/2024 18:11

Why have any babies with such a useless dipstick? I will never understand it. Just more kids growing up around dysfunction and repeating the cycle.

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Maybe the day she's actually having a baby isn't the day to blame OP for her ex being a shithead.

pikkumyy77 · 03/07/2024 18:21

@Calliopespa your point is good. I don’t retract my analysis though because the OP’s posts, including the one about charging him for the uber, are not so much a cry for sympathy but a kind of humblebrag: in the end she forced him to heel, he is sitting there quasi attending to her. Often these vents/posts are just a way for the poster to gain a momentary bit of internet support so they can go on making really poor choices. OP has and had agency here she just chose to emulate her mother and have low standards.

1983Louise · 03/07/2024 18:24

Wow, did you know he was like this, does he want to be a Dad, I'm sorry he's not stepped up for you.

mamabelli · 03/07/2024 18:45

Get rid of this selfish prick! You’ll be doing it alone in the end anyway.
my dh couldn’t be arsed to drive to the hospital I was in when I went into prem labour at 26 weeks even though I told him I could be giving birth to a stillborn. Luckily hospital managed to stop labour for another 3 weeks but guess who wasn’t there when she arrived at 29 weeks…?

BirthdayRainbow · 03/07/2024 18:45

RedHelenB · 03/07/2024 17:42

And you decided to have his baby because?

And you decided to post such a pointless, spiteful and unhelpful post because...

bagpuss90 · 03/07/2024 18:56

Jesus who on earth voted you are being unreasonable ?! Poor you - I’m shocked . I’d get out now - I don’t think it will get better x

changedwwyd · 03/07/2024 19:01

Mnetcurious · 03/07/2024 11:38

He’s an absolute selfish pig. Prepare yourself now for zero help with the baby and start planning your future without him. Think very carefully about giving your baby his surname if that’s your intention.

THIS

Willyoujustbequiet · 03/07/2024 19:11

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 03/07/2024 11:41

Please don't give your baby his surname.

This

Please give the baby your name. Do not give in.

FoxtrotOscarFoxtrotOscar · 03/07/2024 19:28

You chose well.

Bumcake · 03/07/2024 19:35

Well you’ve been daft enough to let him knock you up twice so I don’t know what to say really. Good luck, I guess.

Carebearsonmybed · 03/07/2024 19:38

That's not a partner.

Don't co register the birth. You do t want a selfish arse like that having PRR and controlling your life fur the next 18 years.

Badbearday · 03/07/2024 20:20

You may well have it better than your mum.

It doesn’t mean you can’t still do better than him….

TilerSwift · 03/07/2024 20:22

fieldsofbutterflies · 03/07/2024 11:34

Good luck with the future is all I can say.

Edited

First post nails it again

hot2trotter · 03/07/2024 20:33

Why refer to him as your partner in the thread title when you're supposedly not actually in a relationship anymore?
Smart move having another child with this man!

IReallyStillCantBeBothered · 03/07/2024 20:44

Calliopespa · 03/07/2024 18:13

There’s far more in the way of accusation in this post than you can really substantiate.

In any case, she’s having her baby ( bit late not to) and I don’t know how helpful all this negativity on this thread is to be going through her mind during the time of her baby’s entrance into the world. Yes it was a bit shit of him not to take her in, I agree. But this post and quite a few others go waaaaay beyond that. “ cycle of self abuse and submission …?” She kept the Uber receipt. Yes we think she should present it to him.

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It might be helpful to prevent a third child with the same deadbeat.

nildesparandum · 03/07/2024 21:38

Snap
Fifty two years ago last month my now late husband, (who had been away in the merchant navy since I was 3 months pregnant with ur second child) decided that I could go it alone this pregnancy and he made no hurry to come back for the birth, which it turned out to be an emergency caesarean section a repetition what happened the first time.
Giving birth the first time almost cost the lives of my DS1 and myself.HE told me, on discovering our second child was on the way, that he was not going through all that worry and anxiety again, so off he went and came back when all the shouting was over which was two months after the birth of DS2.He walked though the door as if nothing had happened. Needless to say I could not summon up the will to meet him at the airport.He sat down, after looking at his newborn son and older child, and announced he needed a lie down as he was tired!
Reader, I managed to stay with him until he lost his life to heart disease 47 years later. My love for him died many years before that.

nildesparandum · 03/07/2024 21:41

I am not a troll.This really happened.

WhereYouLeftIt · 03/07/2024 22:40

LoopyDays · 03/07/2024 15:23

I need to wake up, don't I? I think my mum trained me this way, given her stories of birthing 6 kids and dad only making it to 1 of those births! She told me it's ok for my partner to meet me once Im at the hospital because they take ages to start the c-section procedure, and it's good not to waste his money on congestion charge and parking, given how long the hospital take to get things started... so yeh, both mum and partner dont think much wrong of anything that happened this morning, although mum did offer to drive me in herself, probably as I was complaining.
We are co-parenting for now, only communicating about our child and baby, let's see how the future goes.

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Yes, I think your mum trained you to accept this sort of thing too!

Your co-parent (I can't call him your partner!) - his behaviour today goes beyond detached, beyond neglectful - I'd call it actively spiteful.

Q: "Do you have other support, family? best friend?"
A: "Yes, I have my mum whose at home looking after my toddler. Sister-inlaws, brothers, and friends due to visit soon as we're home. I have a loving family, just the partner I chose obviously not so great with offering much support."

Be wary of your mother, she'll gaslight you into accepting his shitty behaviour. I'm glad you've got a wider family to support you.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 03/07/2024 23:09

How are you doing @LoopyDays ?

Is your baby here yet?

Runnerinthenight · 03/07/2024 23:11

nildesparandum · 03/07/2024 21:38

Snap
Fifty two years ago last month my now late husband, (who had been away in the merchant navy since I was 3 months pregnant with ur second child) decided that I could go it alone this pregnancy and he made no hurry to come back for the birth, which it turned out to be an emergency caesarean section a repetition what happened the first time.
Giving birth the first time almost cost the lives of my DS1 and myself.HE told me, on discovering our second child was on the way, that he was not going through all that worry and anxiety again, so off he went and came back when all the shouting was over which was two months after the birth of DS2.He walked though the door as if nothing had happened. Needless to say I could not summon up the will to meet him at the airport.He sat down, after looking at his newborn son and older child, and announced he needed a lie down as he was tired!
Reader, I managed to stay with him until he lost his life to heart disease 47 years later. My love for him died many years before that.

So sad for you x

At least you are rid of him now.

HollyKnight · 03/07/2024 23:11

I think the fact that you refer to him as your partner shows you and him aren't on the same page here. He is your ex. As callous as it sounds, he isn't obligated to do anything for you now. He is making it clear that he is only want to be there for his children. You need to accept that or you will just keep being disappointed and upset.