Page 15 | Partner didn't drive me to my C-section appointment

AlinaRawlings · 04/07/2024 18:52

LoopyDays · 03/07/2024 11:32

He decided he would go to work on the day of my C-section, and decided it would be okay for me to get on 2 buses to go to the hospital with my heavy suitcase, even though I'm walking gingerly at 39 weeks pregnant. He said he'd meet me there once the action starts, (but not a second before, what with the epidural injection, the prep and checks, he doesnt want to see all that) so no emotional support, nor help, not even help with packing from the day/night before. Instead he was hanging out with friends last night til 12midnight.
I decided last minute to get an Uber, £17 to the hospital, and I've taken a screenshot of the fare so he can pay it. I don't see why he couldn't give me a lift instead, and then come back with public transport himself. Am I being unreasonable?

One of the worst posts I’ve ever read on here. Without knowing further info I know he is an abusive, unsupportive man child and you will end up a single mother. Get strong and start relying only on yourself from now on! He will be a useless millstone round your neck. Good luck.

Allyoudoistalktalk · 04/07/2024 19:00

Don’t put father down birth certificate- just don’t.

See how you go and best of luck.
Place your energy into to you then your wee bubs. You know what the truth is and you don’t need us to validate your experience, do not spend a penny of energy on him or trying to get him to see- he will or he won’t .

Wordsofprey · 04/07/2024 19:03

Congratulations on your precious new little one :) put the bag of shit behind you, as long as he co parents okay keep it professional and to a minimum. Enjoy your new bundle of joy!x

Nightjar33 · 04/07/2024 19:21

Is he for real
do you not have any family support

Lyraloo · 04/07/2024 19:23

Leave him now, he doesn’t care about you or your child.

BlueFlowers5 · 04/07/2024 19:30

Such heartlessness on his part.

Namechanged11111 · 04/07/2024 19:37

@LoopyDays do not give your child his name.

You do realise you would need his permission to leave the country with your child if the child has his name!

Horses7 · 04/07/2024 19:37

Apart from wishing you and your baby the very best I have no words to waste for this poor excuse of a man.

Somepeoplearesnippy · 04/07/2024 19:40

I've been married nearly 40 years. My husband is not neurotypical and has often done things that left me open mouthed in shock. However I don't think even he would be that bad. I would seriously question a future with this man.

EarthSight · 04/07/2024 19:49

Congratulations 😃

Like practically every other woman here, I think he's fucking wanker for doing that to you. Says so much about him.

Thalia31 · 04/07/2024 19:50

I’m really sorry you’ve experienced this. But I can imagine there was several red flags before this incident.

Doubledenim305 · 04/07/2024 20:01

MimiMe24 · 03/07/2024 11:39

This

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I second this.
Close the door on him.

Otherstories2002 · 04/07/2024 20:15

LoopyDays · 03/07/2024 14:57

Relationship ended during this pregnancy. No on and off. Just strictly have him round to see his 2 yo and to help out with child-related duties/costs.

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Ok this changes things.

He isn’t your partner.

Dibbils · 04/07/2024 20:18

Wow! Just WOW!! I’m so sorry you’ve had to basically do this alone. In fact I think being truly alone would actually be easier. How hurt you must feel 😔 This man is a piece of absolute shit! How dare he treat you like that!
Congratulations on your beautiful baby xx I wish you and your 2 children the very best of everything ❤️

SecretSoul · 04/07/2024 20:37

Congratulations on your new baby, OP! That's the only thing that matters here. I split up with my partner when I was pregnant and ended up giving birth to twins as a single mum. In many ways it was easier not having to worry about anyone else, I could focus solely on my babies - so you've got this!!! Forget him.

But also....

I mean this very gently but in your original post, you describe him as your partner but then in later comments admit that you've actually broken up. In other words he's not actually your partner, he's your ex.

While it would have been nice if he'd helped you pack a bag and taken time off work to take you to the hospital and sit through the pre-op stuff, as you're only co-parenting it's not usual to get any of that support from an ex. Many women don't even want their ex-partner to be at the birth in these circumstances. So I think you need to stop thinking about him as a partner, because in your own words, you've actually split up.

He's not a partner and he has no responsibility towards your well-being. Him going out etc is irrelevant as it's no longer anything to do with you. A decent guy will look out for the mother of his children, but you can't assume or expect that he'll be there. Lean on your family, your friends, your tribe. His only responsibility is to have contact with his children and to pay proper maintenance. You need to start making plans that don't expect him to step up as a partner because that's no longer the case.

Most PP are commenting in the way that they have because it's not clear from the start that he's just an ex that you want extra help from.

Forget him and plan your new life, honestly sounds as if you'll be so much happier without him and soon enough you won't need his help anyway! Best of luck with your two lovely DC.

Kerrieanne85 · 04/07/2024 20:38

Unbelievable……when someone shows you who they are, believe them the FIRST time. He’s clearly showing his complete lack of interest in his child and you. Don’t think things will get better once baby is actually here. It’ll only get worse.

Julimia · 04/07/2024 20:43

Yabu having got this far. Oh my goidness. Dump him.

Original poster

LoopyDays · 04/07/2024 21:07

SecretSoul · 04/07/2024 20:37

Congratulations on your new baby, OP! That's the only thing that matters here. I split up with my partner when I was pregnant and ended up giving birth to twins as a single mum. In many ways it was easier not having to worry about anyone else, I could focus solely on my babies - so you've got this!!! Forget him.

But also....

I mean this very gently but in your original post, you describe him as your partner but then in later comments admit that you've actually broken up. In other words he's not actually your partner, he's your ex.

While it would have been nice if he'd helped you pack a bag and taken time off work to take you to the hospital and sit through the pre-op stuff, as you're only co-parenting it's not usual to get any of that support from an ex. Many women don't even want their ex-partner to be at the birth in these circumstances. So I think you need to stop thinking about him as a partner, because in your own words, you've actually split up.

He's not a partner and he has no responsibility towards your well-being. Him going out etc is irrelevant as it's no longer anything to do with you. A decent guy will look out for the mother of his children, but you can't assume or expect that he'll be there. Lean on your family, your friends, your tribe. His only responsibility is to have contact with his children and to pay proper maintenance. You need to start making plans that don't expect him to step up as a partner because that's no longer the case.

Most PP are commenting in the way that they have because it's not clear from the start that he's just an ex that you want extra help from.

Forget him and plan your new life, honestly sounds as if you'll be so much happier without him and soon enough you won't need his help anyway! Best of luck with your two lovely DC.

Thanks for your well-wishes!
I hear you! I do catch myself expecting "partner" support from him, even though he's just the baby daddy.
Main thing is that he should do a good job co-parenting and being a dad. I'll be keeping a close eye on how he is with the kids as they grow.

OP posts:

Original poster

LoopyDays · 04/07/2024 21:18

Miisty · 04/07/2024 17:09

So sorry for you you are going to need lots of help when you come home with the baby and after a operation You will be tired and in pain so I hope he knows how to cook and clean so you can rest and the washing and shopping He needs to get his act together and if I was your midwife I would tell him so Good luck

Thankfully mum is around to help, but the baby daddy will be doing his part whilst he's off work. He's been supportive so far since baby arrived, getting me food, helping me stand, cleaning up after me whilst I cant bend down etc etc... he has his moments I suppose!

OP posts:

CRD67 · 04/07/2024 21:20

He's not your partner. You've said you're not in a relationship with him. Your headline is misleading/incorrect. As you're not in a relationship he's not beholden to you. He can do whatever he likes.

Original poster

LoopyDays · 04/07/2024 21:24

Yalta · 03/07/2024 15:25

I wonder what his co workers think if he told them his plan to not take you to hospital on the morning of your CS

I somehow think he will be marked down in everyone’s eyes if they knew.

It isn’t this great work ethic to do what he did

Exactly what I was thinking. How could he feel normal explaining that to anyone!

OP posts:

Original poster

LoopyDays · 04/07/2024 21:32

crumblingschools · 03/07/2024 14:12

Is this your first DC with him @LoopyDays

It's our second x

OP posts:

Grammarnut · 04/07/2024 21:50

What on earth? The father of the child can't be bothered to drive the mother of his child to hospital and be with her through the business of preparing for a C-section? I am afraid you are looking at single-parenthood. (And will probably be better off!)

Original poster

LoopyDays · 04/07/2024 21:59

Wereeaglesdare · 03/07/2024 14:22

You have been waiting 9 months to meet this little baby. Do not let this take up any head space! Although hard i know. This wonderful day you will not get back this is your baby and they will mean more than anything when they come in to this world. I would be the same and upset but maybe dad is having some nerves too he's going to be there for birth and today is about you staying as calm and as positive as possible and you deserve that after all the hard work growing this baby. I really don't find other posters helpful as surely the nature of the site means we all know how overwhelming the day our babies are born can be. All you need to be worrying about is what snacks ur demanding dad to bring in. What beautiful outfit he or she is wearing first and making sure that your comfort and peace is paramount. I made mine buy me a slap up dinner after having hyperemesis it was the least he could do. All these conversations with your partner can wait i think you are completely valid in your feelings. I wish you well for your delivery.

In case this your first I had a wonderful experience with my planned section and the whole day was like walking on cloud 9. You will feel really in control of everything and my advice to you is mobilize as soon as you feel up to it. It will really help with not getting too sore and stiff. And Do not be shy to press your buzzer as soon as u might need some pain relief it's great stuff and no need to get sore. Also say yes to the PR medication it will really help. Do you know if you are having a boy or a girl? What names do you have? I promise when you see their little face none of this matters. Just you and them.

Thanks for this post! Really reminds me to focus on what's important. 1st elective c-section and the experience was just as you described - I felt very much in control. Managed to mobilise quite early on after the surgery. I've not been shy about pressing the buzzer and staying on top of those lovely painkillers either!
Yes, as soon as we saw our son, all was amazing, we were all on cloud 9!
The Uber situation was taking up headspace and stealing positive energy, but that all went away once baby boy showed up 🙌

OP posts:

Calliopespa · 04/07/2024 22:14

EerieSilence · 03/07/2024 14:31

Another heroic mother. You get a medal and a cannon salve.
You realise this is not a pissing contest? Not every woman has an easy pregnancy and birth. I couldn't have taken a public transport because I managed to tumble a flight of stairs two weeks before I gave birth. I could barely walk and till now I only have use of 60% of my ankle power because I never had a chance to recover properly. I don't talk about it as an heroic act because it was extremely painful and made the time after the C-section even more painful and difficult to go through.
But hey, every time a woman says how difficult it was for her, you get the trolls crawling from underneath their rocks who were throwing little humans like a sheep birthing a lamb, effortlessly and barely in need of assistance. Well done you!

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Well I walked to the hospital carrying my three eldest - one under each arm, another on my back. This brought on the baby quite fast so I ducked into the park en route, slipped her out behind a bush, popped the after-birth in the bin and the newborn in a sling and we all went home for tea.