Page 13 | Partner didn't drive me to my C-section appointment

LoopyDays · 2024-07-03T10:32:51+00:00

He decided he would go to work on the day of my C-section, and decided it would be okay for me to get on 2 buses to go to the hospital with my heavy suitcase, even though I'm walking gingerly at 39 weeks pregnant. He said he'd meet me there once the action starts, (but not a second before, what with the epidural injection, the prep and checks, he doesnt want to see all that) so no emotional support, nor help, not even help with packing from the day/night before. Instead he was hanging out with friends last night til 12midnight. I decided last minute to get an Uber, £17 to the hospital, and I've taken a screenshot of the fare so he can pay it. I don't see why he couldn't give me a lift instead, and then come back with public transport himself. Am I being unreasonable?

Runnerinthenight · 03/07/2024 23:14

HollyKnight · 03/07/2024 23:11

I think the fact that you refer to him as your partner shows you and him aren't on the same page here. He is your ex. As callous as it sounds, he isn't obligated to do anything for you now. He is making it clear that he is only want to be there for his children. You need to accept that or you will just keep being disappointed and upset.

He is the father of this baby - he absolutely has obligations, if he is even a half-decent human being (which I doubt).

HollyKnight · 03/07/2024 23:22

Runnerinthenight · 03/07/2024 23:14

He is the father of this baby - he absolutely has obligations, if he is even a half-decent human being (which I doubt).

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He doesn't though. They aren't in a relationship anymore. They are exes. He only has responsibilities and obligations towards his children.

Original poster

LoopyDays · 04/07/2024 00:05

kittensinthekitchen · 03/07/2024 15:32

Why do you keep calling him your partner when you've also stated you separated during pregnancy?

He's not your partner. He doesn't owe you anything (other than child support).

He sounds like a complete and utter dickhead, but why are you being deliberately misleading?

Well, today he is my birth partner, maybe that's why it keeps coming through.
But I've already explained that we are not in a relationship. We are co-parenting.

OP posts:

Original poster

LoopyDays · 04/07/2024 00:11

Epicaricacy · 03/07/2024 12:18

Please please please make the nurses/ midwives well aware.
As much as they can, they take extra-care of you when you are on on your own.

Do you have family/ friends who can help you when you go home with the baby?
Don't be shy and afraid to ask them. C-section is a major surgery, take all the help you can.

You deserve better than that low-life, you really do.

Thankfully family is on hand to help out at home. Even though he was there for the surgery, the midwives, doctors and nurses went above and beyond!

OP posts:

OhamIreally · 04/07/2024 00:21

Congratulations on the birth of your child.

Original poster

LoopyDays · 04/07/2024 00:23

CelesteCunningham · 03/07/2024 15:00

I'm so glad, good for you.

I guess if he's an ex, then technically he doesn't really have any obligation to support you - he should, obviously, but really good obligation is to the children rather than you now. Stop referring to him as a partner, he isn't and he won't be.

Line up other support for when you need it.

You've got this.

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Thanks. He needs to focus on supporting his children for sure! I also will change how I refer to him from now on as it's a complete insult to the real partners out there!
Thankfully, I have lovely friends who know the situation with him, and supportive family to help out with the kids' upbringing.

OP posts:

Original poster

LoopyDays · 04/07/2024 00:25

crumblingschools · 03/07/2024 14:12

Is this your first DC with him @LoopyDays

It's our second (and last) one.

OP posts:

redalex261 · 04/07/2024 00:42

Bit late to complain about unreasonableness. Good luck raising your child.

ThatVoodooThatYouDoooo · 04/07/2024 07:32

Shoxfordian · 03/07/2024 11:48

When someone shows you who they are then believe it
Hope you've dumped him

They're not in a relationship

PinotPony · 04/07/2024 07:43

It's a bit odd to write a post complaining about how your "partner" didn't take you to hospital when he isn't actually your partner.

Everyone has been outraged at his behaviour but you've misrepresented the facts.

BowlOfNoodles · 04/07/2024 07:53

nildesparandum · 03/07/2024 21:38

Snap
Fifty two years ago last month my now late husband, (who had been away in the merchant navy since I was 3 months pregnant with ur second child) decided that I could go it alone this pregnancy and he made no hurry to come back for the birth, which it turned out to be an emergency caesarean section a repetition what happened the first time.
Giving birth the first time almost cost the lives of my DS1 and myself.HE told me, on discovering our second child was on the way, that he was not going through all that worry and anxiety again, so off he went and came back when all the shouting was over which was two months after the birth of DS2.He walked though the door as if nothing had happened. Needless to say I could not summon up the will to meet him at the airport.He sat down, after looking at his newborn son and older child, and announced he needed a lie down as he was tired!
Reader, I managed to stay with him until he lost his life to heart disease 47 years later. My love for him died many years before that.

Why did you stay love? Seems like a dreadful waste of your years 😢

Oldcroneandthreewitches · 04/07/2024 08:04

There are so real cuntish replies on this thread. Haves fucking word with yourself. This is a woman who has just gone through a caesarean section to have a baby which is a vulnerable enough time when in a strong relationship.

‘He doesn’t owe you anything’ ‘he isn’t even your partner’ ..

Actually he does - not to be a complete twat when the mother of his child is getting ready to birth. Honestly some of you are the fucking pitts. Why the fuck are you nit picking over correct terminology when OP is clearly in a vulnerable state.

She wasn’t having a fucking in growing toe nail taken out! Nasty, just fucking nasty.

Oldcroneandthreewitches · 04/07/2024 08:08

OP I wish you all the peace and quick recovery in the world. I’ve had 2 c-sections are they are an emotional roller coaster.

Yes he was a cunt for not supporting you on the way the way there - he doesn’t have to be an official ‘partner’ to know you would have needed that support.

Take care of yourself and make sure you ask for help of your family when you need it. I felt like an alien for weeks after my c/sections.

lots of baby snuggles and kisses for you now and block everyone else out 💗💐

Getonwitit · 04/07/2024 08:13

CelesteCunningham · 03/07/2024 13:45

Let's not blame a woman for a man's terrible behaviour, eh?

Hope all has gone smoothly OP and you're cuddling your gorgeous little babby. I think the two of you are going to make an amazing team, and you don't need that POS who chose not to support you at your most vulnerable.

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Nobody is blaming a woman for a mans behaviour but it really is time women stopped setting their bar so low and got rid of men the first time they crossed a line instead of making excuses. I know because i was the idiot that made excuses for awful behaviour, looking back i should have set my bar much higher and learned to say no, this is not acceptable. Us women put up with too much poor behaviour.

ladykale · 04/07/2024 08:44

No one is blaming, but at a point we too have to take responsibility.

Why have a second when he's already showed his true colours? If you want two babies with same man that's also perfectly legit, but then his actions aren't shocking.

It's like if she had a third and had another thread to complain...

MyNameIsFine · 04/07/2024 09:12

Zippedeedooda · 03/07/2024 16:32

Whilst I agree the partner should have been there for OP.
Im baffled you think a bus driver would refuse access to a pregnant lady !

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Our midwives told us not to try to make our way to the hospital by public transport on the day of delivery. We were given a list of taxi firms if nobody could drive us. Similarly, when my dd went into hospital for treatment, we were told she couldn't go home by public transport. Going into labour or being sick on a public bus is far from ideal! This is just basic healthcare advice.

Oldcroneandthreewitches · 04/07/2024 09:40

ladykale · 04/07/2024 08:44

No one is blaming, but at a point we too have to take responsibility.

Why have a second when he's already showed his true colours? If you want two babies with same man that's also perfectly legit, but then his actions aren't shocking.

It's like if she had a third and had another thread to complain...

Yeah - you give her an important life lesson lecture whilst she is most likely in pain and post partum bleeding, hormones flooding through her body. Hope you feel accomplished today!

Oldcroneandthreewitches · 04/07/2024 09:41

Getonwitit · 04/07/2024 08:13

Nobody is blaming a woman for a mans behaviour but it really is time women stopped setting their bar so low and got rid of men the first time they crossed a line instead of making excuses. I know because i was the idiot that made excuses for awful behaviour, looking back i should have set my bar much higher and learned to say no, this is not acceptable. Us women put up with too much poor behaviour.

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Yeah! And did someone tell you how much of a fuck up you’d made the day you had your baby! I doubt it but you crack on with your words of wisdom. Maybe some one should have told you much earlier ..

ThatVoodooThatYouDoooo · 04/07/2024 09:41

Oldcroneandthreewitches · 04/07/2024 08:04

There are so real cuntish replies on this thread. Haves fucking word with yourself. This is a woman who has just gone through a caesarean section to have a baby which is a vulnerable enough time when in a strong relationship.

‘He doesn’t owe you anything’ ‘he isn’t even your partner’ ..

Actually he does - not to be a complete twat when the mother of his child is getting ready to birth. Honestly some of you are the fucking pitts. Why the fuck are you nit picking over correct terminology when OP is clearly in a vulnerable state.

She wasn’t having a fucking in growing toe nail taken out! Nasty, just fucking nasty.

As far as I can work out, op posted her partner had left her to get to the hospital alone.

Everyone was outraged that a partner would do this, you know, staying home while op struggled to the hospital.

Then came the dripfeed, not partners.

Yes, it would be a good and decent thing to do, to take her to have their child.

Zippedeedooda · 04/07/2024 11:18

MyNameIsFine · 04/07/2024 09:12

Our midwives told us not to try to make our way to the hospital by public transport on the day of delivery. We were given a list of taxi firms if nobody could drive us. Similarly, when my dd went into hospital for treatment, we were told she couldn't go home by public transport. Going into labour or being sick on a public bus is far from ideal! This is just basic healthcare advice.

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I agree it’s not ideal but bus drivers aren’t going to refuse to take you.
When I was pregnant with twins I looked full term at about 5 months….so how could a bus driver even know how pregnant you are.

WeeOrcadian · 04/07/2024 11:49

Is he your partner or co-parent? They're not the same thing

And I'm sure, after DC1 was born, you thought that would be your only DC.

I suggest you get on some birth control once you're recovered, if you're going to continue boffing this fella

Original poster

LoopyDays · 04/07/2024 15:13

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 03/07/2024 23:09

How are you doing @LoopyDays ?

Is your baby here yet?

Baby boy arrived yesterday at 5pm. Mum and baby both healthy and happy. Thanks for asking, my dear 🙂

OP posts:

Purplebunnie · 04/07/2024 15:19

Congratulations on the arrival of your baby boy. Glad to hear you are both healthy and happy

Original poster

LoopyDays · 04/07/2024 15:26

millennialprobs · 03/07/2024 17:06

I don't understand why he couldn't take or didn't want to take the day off work if you're having his baby!? Take you to hosp and stay by your side!?!?! Am I missing something?
I wouldn't stand for it if I were you, I'm so sorry you are in this situation at such a vulnerable life changing time.

Unfortunately, you didn't miss anything. I'll be forever baffled by his decision making re yesterday's planned c-section and not even helping me to pack the night before. Baffled by all of it! Really has opened my eyes to the absolute plonker he is! He's just getting worse as time goes by!

OP posts:

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 04/07/2024 15:29

Congratulations @LoopyDays.

Try to focus on your gorgeous baby boy and on your own recovery and give your idiot ex as little head space as possible.

And remember: your surname.