"School refusal" trend

[ruthxxx0]

Can't help noticing the spike in this over recent times...
In my line of work I'm coming across increasing numbers of families who have child(ren) who "refuse" to attend school... Parents pretty much shrug their shoulder and say things like "I can't make them attend" (we're talking about primary aged children). Or "they don't like the rules/teachers/uniform/the classroom decor..".
I'm from a generation and background where school attendance wasn't a "choice" for children to make then dictate to their parents.
Parents (being the adults!) were the ones who sent the children to school.
Today I met with a family who had allowed their 10 year old to pretty much stay in their bedroom for almost a year, not been to school and didn't seem under any urgency to works towards getting the child back to school.... No mental health concerns (not referred to CAMHS or GP either). The child just "didn't want to go" and parent was ok with this. Just for a quiet life, to avoid the child "kicking off". Like seriously... What's wrong with today's parents?

You are talking absolute rubbish! I was a child of the 70's and there was a cohort of children who frequently missed school and very little was done. I found a school report the other day and my attendance in year 3 of secondary school was one third. I struggled with depression and illness in that year. No one at any point spoke to my parents.
The reality is that the lack of flexibility on school attendance is a huge part of the problem. When my autistic daughter started struggling it would have been so much easier to let her have some downtime rather than pushing her to go in daily until she was suicidal and the school didn't want her anymore. If she had been able to take some time off in her third year then maybe she would have settled back in as I did.

All those kids refusing school without underlying issues have been raised by parents having very low boundaries and being too permissive from the start. Wouldn’t have happened 40 years ago. Those kids wouldn’t have even considered it as an option but today they have no resilience and stop at the first hurdle, with their parents giving in as opposed to helping them overcome the hurdle (it’s obviously easier to give in). No wonder the society is going downhill.

And if that leaves your teen utterly stranded without any social contact or access to their online learning?

None of you have a clue until you've lived in. I would say it's smug but it's actually just enviable ignorance of the reality for many many families.

Delightful?!
This is Mumsnet.
We used to say 'Netmums' is that way , but I heard they shut down.

Or perhaps they actually are about us, but the OP is ignorant of reality and chooses to see it as simply a disciplinary issue.

I'm surprised anyone could be this ignorant.

Ah, another thread where the OP doesn’t return yet upsets parents of children who for many reasons refuse to go to school. There’s some really odd individuals out there who appear to get a kick out of upsetting people.

What a horribly judgemental person you are. Yes some parents will be lazy. However there are lots of reasons for this to be happening. Some I am aware of include:

1. all children being expected to be in school until 18 regardless of ability/disability (not that long ago, many children would have been let go at 16 or even earlier if they weren't seen to be achieving)
2. more children with difficulties surviving birth and therefore existing later in the system.
3. Schools having increasing pressures to ensure academic success.

These aren't negative in themselves, but they do lead to:

1. Older children who would have dropped out officially at say 14, HAVING to stay on till 18, but struggling massively with doing so and refusing to attend.
2. More children with difficulties/disabilities being in the school system but maybe struggling to do so.
3. Schools having to "push" children harder. Making children do more that they find really hard, or not easing up on children who are clearly struggling - some of these children may respond well to this, but lots more have breakdowns and become too mentally unwell to cope with school.

Of course lazy parents whose kids run a muck exist, but also children are put under lots more pressure and are more often made to feel (even subconsciously) inadequate if they go to school but "under perform" in some way. It's often these kids who develop school phobias and end up not going in.

I had a friend who was very unhappy at school. Yes, she pretended to go in. But then she 'bunked off'. Same thing, different method.

This! My daughter came out of school for two years. The support in the sixth form college was better and she coped. She then went to university and the support package was amazing - she is absolutely flying and well on track to get a first as well as winning awards left, right and centre. Neurodiverse children have so much to offer but we need to stop pushing for a one size fits all education. Recognise the difficulties of life and work to resolve them. The greatest minds in the world have been / are neurodiverse. Why the hell aren't we nurturing it rather than terrifying these kids into their bedrooms.

I really don't think this is new. kids have always 'played truant'. I think before gaming and SM though they would get up and actually leave the house with parents blissfully unaware that they were knocking about with their mates all day. Today's children have no incentive to do that. Schools weren't as hot on attendance and safeguarding. I went through a period where I refused to go to school because of awful bullying. I just locked myself in my room and short of breaking the door in and carrying me out there was nothing DM could have done. I can't remember how it was resolved but I did go back eventually. For every child who has serious MH concerns or particular issues (such as bullying) there will be one who just doesn't want to go and has no interest in school. I'm sure the former group has increased over recent years for obvious reasons but there's always been 'school refusal'. We just referred to them as little shites back in the day. They weren't all analysed to within an inch of their lives.

I have a friend whose son went through this. Both his parents valued education. They have been beside themselves with worry. How do think they should force their six foot tall teenager to attend school and stay there? They have sought all sorts of help and tried different approaches. This was not a neglected or deprived child either.

Schools can be dreadful places. The violence at DD's first primary was just awful. And nothing was done about it when children were assaulting children (but an offender was swiftly moved on (managed move, PRU etc.) when they hit a teacher. DD used to cry all the way in and all the way home. When she was throttled by a nasty little shit she refused to go back. And honestly I don't think it would have been right to force her. We stayed on roll to highlight the horrendous environment. The school cared far more about their attendence stats than the safety and wellbeing of the children who made it in. We did some home ed, slid through covid then (finally!) managed to get a place at a calmer primary some distance away. But until we got a new school she was a "school refuser".

You can't compare it to work. Because adults have more agency over their lives and would go off sick or change job if they were treated the way children are too often treated at school.

All I have to add is I hope everyone is choosing wisely with their vote.

Education is everyone’s issue, parent or not. It’s the future and will determine economic growth if you want to express it that way.

Or we can carry on as we are. War babies are the silent generation. We have enabled the current government to create a forgotten - ignored - underfunded - damaged generation.

My friends daughter is a school refused at 13. Doesn’t surprise me, her dd has gotten away with murder since very small. No respect for her mum, used to hit her and my DF would just laugh it away. Has sworn and been allowed to from a very young age. She was not a nice child, really spoiled. Now her mum has the consequences of not disciplining her DD. My Friend works in education btw.

You say you're talking children without SEN but I think you're missing the point that most DC who struggle with school do have SEN.

My reception age child often says she doesn’t want to go and I let her have days off. She was diagnosed with autism at 2.5 years and I want her to learn to self regulate now so I respect her when she can’t manage a day/days and then she’s always refreshed after a rest

This is so true but not only the fact that children have woken up to the fact that they can’t be made to go to school, home is actually quite fun as they can go online and live their life virtually. I grew up in the 90s, staying at home all the time would have been seriously boring so school was preferable to that. Isn’t the case now. I knew people who occasionally played truant with their mates but not people who persistently did not attend school at all.

Did you know that emotionally based school avoidance was actually first identified in the 1930s? At that point it was known as 'school phobia'.
Or that current research shows that 92.1 % of children with attendance difficulties are neurodivergent, with 83.4% being autistic?
It's a case of can't not won't... neurodivergent children are the canaries in the mines of our collapsing school system. We have a recruitment crisis, a retention crisis, an attendance crisis and an adolescent mental health crisis; at what point will the government recognise that we have an outdated system in crisis, damaging those who are in it, adult and child alike?!

My daughter was a school refuser. Admittedly she had a CAHMS referral which was no use. I didn’t make her go to school as she hated it, but she still got her grades (from home) and she’s now thriving at college. School isn’t for everyone.

It’s a cultural issue too. There’s no way this would fly in immigrant families, because it’s recognised just how lucky people in the U.K. are to have a world class, free education system. It seems to be more common with more permissive parenting styles… I do understand that it’s a huge multifaceted issue with no easy solution but the second gen immigrant in me has it ingrained that going to school and doing well academically is hugely important and to rebel against that is just unheard of

The only ‘school refusers’ I’ve ever had any experience of recently is either special needs, in mainstream when should be in SEN provision, so struggling every single day or those who were bullied to the stage of trying to take their own life.

in the past (I left school in the early 90s) there were plenty of us that refused school, I didn’t go for over a year myself. The difference was back then no one gave a shit, they either don’t care we weren’t there or didn’t do anything about it/didn’t tell our parents. They also didn’t give a shit when my PE teacher was abusing us girls either which was why so many of us wouldn’t go into school

Yes, it was happening 40 years ago.

It's true that it didn't used to happen. And now it does a lot. Is it the internet maybe? Kids can lazily entertain themselves if they stay at home. In the 80s it would have been a book or nothing.

My son refuses to go to school although allegedly he's working on his own and tell me he's going to university. He goes in very occasionally so it's not complete refusal. But it does worry me, even if he does OK in his exams (somehow) as in gets passes, what does he think the working world will be like.

I didn't shrug over it but I really never found a way of making him do something he had decided not to do.

It's about my experience as a parent of a school refuser. What's your reason for being on here?

To judge?
To show ignorance?