"School refusal" trend

[ruthxxx0]

Can't help noticing the spike in this over recent times...
In my line of work I'm coming across increasing numbers of families who have child(ren) who "refuse" to attend school... Parents pretty much shrug their shoulder and say things like "I can't make them attend" (we're talking about primary aged children). Or "they don't like the rules/teachers/uniform/the classroom decor..".
I'm from a generation and background where school attendance wasn't a "choice" for children to make then dictate to their parents.
Parents (being the adults!) were the ones who sent the children to school.
Today I met with a family who had allowed their 10 year old to pretty much stay in their bedroom for almost a year, not been to school and didn't seem under any urgency to works towards getting the child back to school.... No mental health concerns (not referred to CAMHS or GP either). The child just "didn't want to go" and parent was ok with this. Just for a quiet life, to avoid the child "kicking off". Like seriously... What's wrong with today's parents?

Hopefully they'll find a better job. No one should be miserable, hating it and crying every night about their job.

It did used to happen it was called 'bunking off'.

The thread is about the rising numbers of school refusers. Surely that’s a valuable conversation but some posters like yourself are trying their best to shut down the conversation because they feel personally attacked. The world doesn’t revolve around you though and your opinion isn’t more valuable than others.

Yes exactly this. In many cultures, education is like a religion. You simply do not refuse to learn or to attend school and children internalise that from a very young age. There are plenty of ND kids in those cultures too but they also understand it's not negotiable. They manage to muddle through and have to learn coping methods. But refusing school would be on the same level as a religious transgression, like drinking alcohol if you're Muslim or sex before marriage for strict Catholics.

I would also argue that school doesn't necessarily have to be an awful, sensory aggravating and entirely unsuitable place for autistic kids. ND children also crave social contact and friendships. In the 90s there were plenty of "geek cliques" who had fantastic times together and everyone could unmask or indulge in their special interests. Even today, in every school you'll find the group of kids who love manga, cosplay, games, books, fan fiction etc. Finding people on the same wavelength is an invaluable boost to mental health. The great tragedy of covid was that it took this opportunity away from everyone and parents and kids should have embraced the chance to get back into school instead of seeing it as optional.

School refusal happened in the past too. But in children and younger teenagers it tended to be called 'truancy' or more colloquially 'bunking off', and once you were 16, it was just 'leaving school'.

Studies in the 70s and 80s (e.g. the National Child Development Study) suggested that about 45% of secondary pupils truanted sometimes, though only a much smaller proportion truanted continually,

Before 1973, the compulsory school leaving age was 15, so that it was a totally different situation from being expected to stay until 18.

One difference is that nowadays, with technology, it's more possible to study and prepare for exams without physically attending school.

I'm in my late thirties, always hated school and had low attendance, started actively refusing in secondary.

Heard all the usual - just force her in, it's because of TV/the internet at home. Didn't work. I'd rather be at home doing housework all day than at school. I started self-harming at school when I was pressured to go in. Everything then was focused on how I was the problem and how badly behaved I was for refusing school, even when I talked about crippling anxiety and suicidal feelings.

Had I been an adult talking about work that way I'd be signed off immediately and advised to look for a different kind of work that suited me better. But children who aren't suited to school aren't given alternatives.

In my teens I was diagnosed with 'school phobia' the apparent solution to which was to try to make me go to school even though it was the equivalent of trying to cure arachnophobia by dumping spiders over someone. In my thirties I was diagnosed with autism.

It's new, and it's not a trend. Current schools with their surveillance and datafication, performativity measures, and strict zero-tolerance rules would have suited me even less than the one I went to did. Not every child is suited to the narrow school system we have.

School refusal has been going on for years!
Back in the 70’s 80’s 90’s maybe the millennium it was called skiving or mitching!
Now a days people are recognising that children who doesn’t want to go to school have got a genuine reason why they don’t want to go!

It's true that it didn't used to happen

Despite posters stating how it absolutely DID happen? I was a refuser in the late 80's.

I come from an Indian background. Parents born in india and came over here. My sons dad's parents are born in the Caribbean. So, it does actually happen and has caused immense stress and shock but I can assure you it's not just my family, from a cultural perspective

I would’ve been described as one of those children who refused to go to school when I was younger, but guess what? It was tough tits! I still went because there was no choice in the matter. And guess what? I’m now a perfectly adjusted adult who respects rules and authority, received a good education, have a good job and still love my parents who made me attend school against my will!

Imagine dragging your six year old out from under the kitchen table while he’s sobbing because he can’t go to school. Chasing him up & down the road to try to get him into school. Forcing him because you COULD pick him up & carry him in. Imagine seeing him crying & screaming because it was just too much & he couldn’t do it anymore. Even with a diagnosis for SEN & an EHCP & he still couldn’t get the support he needed.

Seeing the promotion, that you’ve worked towards for the last 5 years go to someone else as you haven’t got the mental capacity left to put yourself forward for it. Clinging onto the job you do have by your fingertips because your caring responsibilities have quadrupled & that’s before the never ending meetings with various professionals (whose advice all differs by the way), to try & get your kid into school. No help for his mental health though as he doesn’t qualify for Cahms as their threshold is too high.
Imagine seeing your kid in a foetal position on your couch for the best part of a year. Unable to move from there except to go to bed. Unable to use the toilet. Unable to leave the house. Unable to be alone even for a few minutes. Imagine seeing your bright, energetic child so utterly broken by it all, they’re completely emotionless & flat.
I can’t tell you what we went through as a family, what we’re STILL going through.
Not a fucking ounce of it is because we can’t be arsed.

I'm not being defensive. I'm simply adding my experience and highlighting to those who think it's due to slack parenting that this isn't always the case. Of course threads like this are triggering for myself and others, due to the ignorance and tone deaf comments.

I'm all up for a conversation around this.

I agree with posters saying it's always existed. Back in the day, I used to feel I couldn't cope with five days in a row so I'd sometimes take wednesday up to spare myself the relentlessness of five days in a row. I was in the bottom stream and the teachers were awful to me. I have adhd and I was never going to be a straight As kind of student but they would shame me. I used to either read on the beach or wander round town.

But how does anyone know if their child has SEN? The situation for SEN support is so incredibly dire. It's 5+ years wait here for an autism assessment and when my 8 year old was self harming and saying he wanted to die regularly all the GP would do was send me a leaflet. Unless they are very actively suicidal then it's a massive waiting list if CAMHS even accept the referral. There is zero chance of getting a Dyslexia or SpLd diagnosis through school, so kids are left to struggle and not know what is wrong and that obviously impacts their self esteem and confidence. So unless you can pay it's very possible to know something is wrong, but not exactly what that something is. And it can cost thousands to get an assessment of what the issues are, before you can even start getting some support in place. (Again at parent's cost of course!)

I think these are the children OP is talking about, but those parents are unlikely to be here admitting they just have no interest or will to get the kids to school.

There was a report recently saying attendance falls 20% on Fridays, coinciding with the day most work from home 🤷🏾‍♀️.

What happens to these children when they get to 18? Do they go to work? Or stay in their rooms?

It's true that it didn't used to happen. And now it does a lot. Is it the internet maybe? Kids can lazily entertain themselves if they stay at home. In the 80s it would have been a book or nothing.

Why on earth would kids still have access to the internet when they should be at school?

It should still be "a book or nothing".

If you have worked in the field you will understand the approach professionals take to resolving issues of emotionally based school avoidance are addressing the factors that are making the school environment feel unsafe to the child (often linked to a combination of bullying and neurodivergence). Blaming the child or the family is not helpful or effective or fair.

So the day when children might be most exhausted from coping all week? The day that most adults have identified as being a good time to reduce social pressure by working from home? The day when children might feel safest to be at home with family who are physically available?
Gosh, I wonder why it peaks on Fridays...

I have a friend whose two teenagers refuse to go to school. One has just been diagnosed with ASD. The other just stays up late talking to friends and then sleeps in and couldn’t be stuffed going. Their grandma lives with them so they stay home with her, message and chat to friends, walk to the shops ect. The asd teen has friends who are unschooled so she chats and hangs out with them. I get the asd teen to a point, but if it was my child I would let them stay home but no phone or technology until after school. My kids occasionally don’t want to go but if they stay home their is no phones or iPads til after school.

The older teen staying home cause she’s tired I wouldn’t put up with. She is attending a specialist private school for senior which is costing her parents a fortune and then just not going. But she ‘still wants to go there’ so they keep paying. And going into debt too cause they aren’t wealthy.

Whilst there are lazy parents, there are a number of very real mental health conditions behind school refusal too. I have encountered multiple parents who truly have done everything possible to get their child back at school but their child sometimes can’t even describe what is stopping them from going. It’s truly heartbreaking for all involved.

Sadly our government taught parents and children that school is optional through their mis handling of the pandemic and lockdowns which has worsened both mental health and lazy parents. A recipe for disaster

I think this is definitely true. I skipped loads of days / lessons in the 90s no one really cared. Maybe a phone call home to the landline that no one answered as they were at work or I answered and pretended to be my mum.

You're right op, we should bring back the cane and show all these school refusers a healthy dose of discipline. We should certainly make them fear staying at home more than going to school. Hell, we should cane the parents for not picking up a child as big and strong as them and forcing them into school to be educated on how long their skirt length should be and how to put up with sensory overload. We have already started punishing the teachers by ensuring that pay rises, if any, are well below inflation while raising their workloads so that's a start I suppose.

We certainly shouldn't look at why Specialist schools and units are being closed and children with extremely high needs being put into mainstream classrooms. Or why mainstream schools are being made to take on children who's needs can't possibly be met while their funding is being slashed.

Kids won't possibly grow up and get jobs that suit their interests, because we all know that there is no variety in employment at all. You tell em.

The issue with this is that the child is then being punished for a situation that is out of control. If we are off work due to stress or mental health, we are actively encouraged to do things that help us, even if it means seeing friends or gaming or whatever. These young children are the same, they need to recover in an environment that is safe to them and pushing them to not having that won't help them get through it.

We have a "school refuser", school's answer was to lock him in a cupboard or padlock into a blackout tent so he couldn't escape. Needless to say we de-registered him and now home educate.

School refusing doesn't mean incapable of learning, just the need of the right environment to regain confidence and a safe place to allow curiosity to flourish which leads to learning.