"School refusal" trend

[ruthxxx0]

Can't help noticing the spike in this over recent times...
In my line of work I'm coming across increasing numbers of families who have child(ren) who "refuse" to attend school... Parents pretty much shrug their shoulder and say things like "I can't make them attend" (we're talking about primary aged children). Or "they don't like the rules/teachers/uniform/the classroom decor..".
I'm from a generation and background where school attendance wasn't a "choice" for children to make then dictate to their parents.
Parents (being the adults!) were the ones who sent the children to school.
Today I met with a family who had allowed their 10 year old to pretty much stay in their bedroom for almost a year, not been to school and didn't seem under any urgency to works towards getting the child back to school.... No mental health concerns (not referred to CAMHS or GP either). The child just "didn't want to go" and parent was ok with this. Just for a quiet life, to avoid the child "kicking off". Like seriously... What's wrong with today's parents?

First step was to accept DS wasn't going back to his primary school.

He was given a place in a small unit for children with additional needs attached to a different primary school. Then it was a case of getting him there part time. Sometimes we'd get him to the school gate and he'd run away. School used Minecraft to help get him in. We'd use trips to Costa to help get him out of the house.

It was bloody hard work. Constantly monitoring him and watching out for signs of dysregulation.

By the end of primary school we'd got his attendance up to 70% and he'd pretty much caught up academically. We'd also got a diagnosis of ASD (thanks to the ALNCo put so much work in to get him bumped up the list) and a place in a specialist ASD unit.

Secondary has not been plain sailing, attendance is still about 70% and it's still hard work, but at some points three years ago we weren't sure we'd ever get DS back into school.

It could all go pear shaped later this year though as I'm being made redundant and my current job has been so flexible and supportive. If I end up having to do 9-5 in an office it could cause problems.

You’d have to deal with it just like you’d have to if your child was off school for any other reason. Emergency situations happen.

My friend’s DD has recently been excluded from her primary school and my friend is currently on sick leave from work. The waiting list is 2+ years for SEN schools. Her sick pay will run out soon and she’s in the middle of getting divorced. She’ll have to sell her house and move into something smaller if there’s enough equity. If there isn’t, the council will have to step in and rehouse her. Either way she has probably lost her (very prestigious) career.

You seem to be writing in the past tense, I take it you are a bit of the way through it? As someone going through this now, how did you get through it?

But you’re coming across as smug and sanctimonious. School had always been a positive experience for my daughter - until she went to secondary. I grant her time off school when she needs it due to the sensory overwhelm or because she is exhausted from the sensory overload of the uniform. We have been at the point where I’ve wondered if she’ll be able to get in any more, but thankfully not reached that stage.

That's where we are with my youngest, over the last term attendance has been single figures and most days/weeks I could not see a way back. New school in September will either be the miracle we've been hoping for or the start of a battle for a SEN specialist placement

I wish you both well for September and hope the new school does the trick!

Apologies. It sounds like hell. Thanks for enlightening me. I'm v fortunate not to have a "school refuser" and clearly have little knowledge of the issue or the scale of it. I hope your children eventually get the help they need.

Thank you for reflecting and coming back.

I think some of the problem is the term 'school refusal', which makes it sound more trivial than it really is. Possibly for that reason, it is now technically called EBSA, but most people still call it 'school refusal'.. Many years ago, it was more often called 'school phobia', a term which had its own problems, but I think it was better at conveying the seriousness.

There is no doubt that there are some parents who don't send their children to school regularly because they lead chaotic lives, or are plain feckless, or don't put a high value on education and, for example, often keep their teenage daughters at home to help with housework and the care of preschool siblings. But that is not the sort of situation that is meant by 'school refusal'.

And I think that all forms of school non-attendance are regarded more seriously than they often were in the past, because of the greater need for everyone to pass exams, etc.

@DollopOfFun @sevsal@anunlikelyseahorsehow did you find your way after school ended? Were you able to go on to College or did you just start working?