To not want to ‘sit in the park’ on a second date?

[LookOverHere]

I met a chap on a dating app a few weeks ago, we met up for a drink for our first date and it was fun. He’s calm, has a good sense of humour, nice smile, good job. Both in our late 40’s. He texted me the day after to say he’d love to see me again, and since then he’s sent the occasional text, thoughtful, remembers what I’ve said. But… for the second he suggested “shall we sit in the park?”

AIBU to be disappointed with this? What does it even mean… I’m too old to be hanging out in the park! That’s where I had my teenage dates. The weather forecast also says rain. It’s not a picnic, or he’d mention it. I think it’s a low effort suggestion, a bit weird for a professional guy, and something I might do with a friend or colleague (we sometimes grab a coffee in the park). All my successful relationships all started with a romantic meal. Is this how it is these days? All views welcome…

I think for me it's considering whether this date is adding something to my life. I can sit in a park perfectly pleasantly by myself, and in fact I do, most days, as my walk to work is through a lovely Victorian park, with a lime avenue, a pond, an arboretum, a rose garden, and a river walk, and it's where I take DS skateboarding or just for some air after school or at weekends.

Doing something I ordinarily do most days on a second date just isn't that enticing, just as I wouldn't want to go out for dinner to a restaurant that cooked the kind of very ordinary pasta dish DH and I might cook on an uninspired Tuesday night.

Maybe this guy thinks that sitting in a park is romantic and unusual, and maybe it would be for him, but it's not for me, so I would be suggesting we did something else.

I'm referring back to my previous reply where I said that he may (in his late forties) be losing some hearing and would prefer a date where he can chat to someone without a lot of background noise. I would happily have a date sitting in a park if it meant that we could talk properly, not have to shout over music, other people, TVs etc. I like talking. I also like eating, but an eating date for me is for later on, when you don't want or need to talk so much.

And yes, I am losing hearing and finding myself nodding and smiling when there's a lot of background noise (which could lead to all KINDS of complications when dating).

That would be my ideal date! You can't really talk at a restaurant or the cinema. But a nice walk in the park is so romantic!
Why does every date have to be about how much money they're willing to spend on you?

I’d quite like it - my partner suggested a walk on one of our dates (I’m not a walking kind of girl) so I agreed.
He forgot to mention it would be delivering election leaflets 😂😂

Oh my god, thats all youre worth = A Bench ( substitute Bench)......AND get this: he has No Qualms about verbalising what to expect from him. Just the bench. How excruciatingly embarrassing and crass. Maybe he meant ' Meet in The Park ' ......then go for a day trip to the coast and get a fish an chip lunch/ suppper. Teens go to the park for a fumble , be careful he sounds dodgey.

Just ask him to do something else - i'd love to see you again but can we do X y z instead cos the weather is going to be rubbish.

Lots of men haters on this post with the "he's either tight or has money issues" and to suggest what you want to do. He is suggesting something he clearly likes so why not go with it and see? Something might even blossom from it as it's different to your norm. I know some beautiful parks around our area and I would love a nice relaxing walk around them or sat on a blanket getting to know someone rather than the pressure of a meal where I'd be worrying I'd end up with something down my dress or something stuck in my teeth!!

There shouldn't be a presumption that he would be paying for the date anyway, isn't it polite to go halves?

The park wouldn't bother me in the slightest, you can chat and get to know each other and then grab a coffee.

@74Violette The Op went halves on the first date of drinks in a pub.

This is a way to figure out if you are compatible. He might be frugle, into walks in the park and outdoor persuits and the simple life and looking for a partner that likes the same. You might be into nice dinners, wine bars and spa holiday for example. Set your expectations and boundaries now with what you want and he will either back away or live up to them. I would offer to pay for dinner if he has paid for the last one but make it somewhere you really like. He can then see what floats your boat and make his decisions.

He clearly wants opportunity to sit and talk. Sounds lovely to me. In fact a day in the sunshine and fresh air, getting to know someone I quite like… can’t think of much else better for a 2nd date really.

The successful relationships that started with a romantic meal aren’t really that successful if there where multiple and your now 40 and on desperately searching dating apps.
Maybe try something new for once. You might be surprised

i’d have told him where to stick his election leaflets tbh

Can’t you just say ‘it’s not really park weather - shall we do x instead?’

Wow. Smug much?

How can you say all your successful relationships started with a romantic meal? If they were successful why are you single? . As they did not work out it might me a good idea to change things. However if you dont want to go to the park then say that and either suggest something else or decline another date

Like everyone else, there are parka and there are parks. But to me it would also make a considerable difference if we were sitting on a bench or a picnic blanket. Even if we didn't have a picnic (at this early stage, preparing a picnic is going to involve a lot of boring chat about allergies and likes and dislikes, so I can see why he wanted to skip that), I think the chatting on a blanket, apres-picnic style, has quite a different vibe to sitting on a park bench. Comments about not needing to compete with background noise are valid, but also add in, sitting across from someone like in a restaurant/cafe gives a different vibe to sitting next to someone like you could on a blanket, or, tbf, a bench.

Has it occurred to you that perhaps he spends a lot of time inside and on his down time wants to be able to be outside and is inviting you to enjoy that with him? Also you say “successful” relationships started with dinner but … you’re no longer in those relationships. Meet him in the park, you have no idea what or how that will turn out. We are far too materialistic as a society and far too hung up on money and accusing ppl of being “tight” yet you have no idea what he has planned. He may surprise you on the day but you won’t find out if you judge him as being “cheap” cos he’s not suggesting a restaurant. There are far better ways to be generous than splashing money around - he’s willing to give up some of his downtime to be with you - that’s far more precious than chucking some money around in my opinion. If you don’t like him don’t waste his time, if you like him, go and see where it leads.

Maybe he has made a typo in his text and he wants to sit in the dark with you?

I met a guy on a dating app, 1st time we went for coffee in a coffee shop, the 2nd time we went out we met up at this cafe in local botanical garden and sat and watched the rain from the covered seating area, the next time we met up for coffee at a lake. We always did things like that. I loved it, it is the sort of things I do myself, and he also cycled to them. We both enjoyed being outdoors.

I find restaurants too noisy these days what with the way they cram tables in and play loud music so people talk loudly, I just switch off.

I don't think OP is coming back. Surely she would have been on the date by now or not.

Shame as I would have liked to have known if she did go and how it panned out!

Same!

@LookOverHere how's the love-life going?

I find it incredibly sad that sitting in parks is seen by some as for teenagers. When do you get too old to enjoy a warm day in a place where you're not sitting cheeky by jowl with others, having trees around you, listening to birdsong and maybe even seeing a nice view? I quite regularly go to watch sunset with my partner at a local park, and it does make me sad that we're amongst the oldest there. What are the other non parents doing that is better than appreciating the splendour of a summer sunset?

If the weather's due to be crap for this date then that's a different issue, but so many people seem to be against spending time in parks full stop and I do wonder how much nature connection they're missing out on. Also find the idea of a restaurant on a second date utterly bizarre, it's way too early to be investing that sort of money and being in that formal a setting.

What a mean spirited reply

Because to many mature adults, “successful relationship” doesn’t necessarily mean one relationship for life. It’s interesting how many replies focused on this.