To not want to ‘sit in the park’ on a second date?

[LookOverHere]

I met a chap on a dating app a few weeks ago, we met up for a drink for our first date and it was fun. He’s calm, has a good sense of humour, nice smile, good job. Both in our late 40’s. He texted me the day after to say he’d love to see me again, and since then he’s sent the occasional text, thoughtful, remembers what I’ve said. But… for the second he suggested “shall we sit in the park?”

AIBU to be disappointed with this? What does it even mean… I’m too old to be hanging out in the park! That’s where I had my teenage dates. The weather forecast also says rain. It’s not a picnic, or he’d mention it. I think it’s a low effort suggestion, a bit weird for a professional guy, and something I might do with a friend or colleague (we sometimes grab a coffee in the park). All my successful relationships all started with a romantic meal. Is this how it is these days? All views welcome…

I'm thinking of a park with water and ducks and a cafe. If he just means a stretch of grass I'd be less keen

But he did not suggest visiting a cafe in a park. So why would you assume that? Most parks do not have cafes.

Exactly! Any man I met who offered a 'walk in the park' as a first, or second, or third date, would be thrown back in the sea. Wouldn't tolerate losers like that.

.

You say all of your previous successful relationships have started with dinner.....they can't be that successful if your not in them now!

😂

I agree with you. In any case, I think I earn more than him, from our initial chat about the industries we work in and level of seniority. I’m looking for guy in a similar-ish stage of life, because it just makes things easier in a relationship, more equal.

Well that escalated! 😮

I think I'd go out of pure curiosity. My money is on its near his place, it starts raining and the suggestion goes to 'lets go to mine out of the rain' conversation.

@gamerchick I am sure that is the way the conversation will go.

What a burn 😂 I do consider my two relationships successful because we had a good long term partnership, one ended for tragic reasons and one for a sensible reason. I look back fondly on both. A lot of people split up or divorce. It’s not necessarily a fail at all. I know people who are miserable in marriage facing another 50 years of the same person. Is that a success I’m not sure. It’s all about how you see things.

Depends where you live I guess. In London most of the larger parks have some form of cafe inside them or failing that you are a short distance to a pub or restaurant. I guess context is everything. Visiting the local dog shit stewn park and sitting on some graffiti covered bench with surly teenagers nearby smoke weed is not exactly the date of dreams. A leisurely stroll through Hyde Park before grabbing lunch at Kensington Roof Gardens or culminating in a thoughtfully prepared picnic is slightly different.

Because I assumed he'd pick a nice park for a date rather than a shit one, but you might be right. He might have meant a shit one.

Maybe it'll be Prince's Park in Burntwood

I prefer outdoors so that would work for me 🤷‍♀️

Most surprising thing about this thread on normally posh Mumsnet is the number of posters who live only within reach of a patch of frosty Jack soaked, needle littered scrub.

It's grim up North London 😂

At least it is not busy!

A park date could be nice if the sun is shining, there are nice places to walk/sit and have a coffee or something. It's a nice way to get to know someone without feeling the pressure of sitting through a proper meal.

It's his wording of sitting in the park that's not making it sound appealing. If that's literally all he is thinking of doing I wouldn't be interested at all but maybe he's worded it wrong. Seems odd though, why not suggest a walk and a coffee/ice cream if that's what he really means. Plus does he have a backup plan incase it's raining.

It all all suggests no effort but I think personally I would clarify and give him the benefit of the doubt. I'm often guilty of not making myself clear, in my head I know what I mean and I forget that other people don't know that.

I do think OLD is hard, for me I need to know the person first and that's when I'll often feel something more over time and that is when a lot of relationships develop organically. So it could be worth giving him a shot and seeing how things go. It could turn out to be the best date you've ever had or it could be a flop but you won't know until you give it a go.

He did not suggest a visit to a pub or restaurant. He also did not suggest a visit to a cafe in a park. He literally said sit in a park.
Lots of parks have takeaway coffee stands. Only very large ones have proper cafes.

It depends where you live, though. Both parks in my relatively small town have proper cafes.

@Putting if you only have two parks in your town I can see why that would be the case. Most places have a variety of parks.
My local park does have a small cafe. But it is a place to pay and two cheap tables and chairs outside. It is not a destination, but somewhere elderly people sit down for a rest, or dog walkers take a break. But it is most used by parents to get a takeaway coffee they take to the playground. I would not go there as a destination.

This thread is actually quite fascinating to see all the different opinions about what makes a good date.

Yes definitely report back. See how it goes. It might be better than expected.

Yeah you see my local park has: a coffeeshop, 2 nature reserves, a wild section, a managed landscaped section, natural ponds, a man made lake, oast houses. It's linked by paths with another park with Victorian grottos, follies and natural springs and has some of London's oldest trees and that other park is linked to a little town on some ponds with an insane pub to resident ratio

This is not a generic park. If someone was suggesting a date there they would have said shall we go to X park - it has lovely nature reserves and a lovely pub.
It sounds lovely, but I would have said no as I would be worried it would be too isolated in parts. Second date is still meeting in a busy public place territory.

@Melisha that's most parks around here. Surely it would be a bit daft to have to explain the park to OP, if she lives in the area?

Also most London parks are absolutely crawling with people in the evenings in summer. You can't find a quiet spot. Believe me, I've tried 😂