To not want to ‘sit in the park’ on a second date?

[LookOverHere]

I met a chap on a dating app a few weeks ago, we met up for a drink for our first date and it was fun. He’s calm, has a good sense of humour, nice smile, good job. Both in our late 40’s. He texted me the day after to say he’d love to see me again, and since then he’s sent the occasional text, thoughtful, remembers what I’ve said. But… for the second he suggested “shall we sit in the park?”

AIBU to be disappointed with this? What does it even mean… I’m too old to be hanging out in the park! That’s where I had my teenage dates. The weather forecast also says rain. It’s not a picnic, or he’d mention it. I think it’s a low effort suggestion, a bit weird for a professional guy, and something I might do with a friend or colleague (we sometimes grab a coffee in the park). All my successful relationships all started with a romantic meal. Is this how it is these days? All views welcome…

Absolutely hilarious that if you want to go out to an actual restaurant or a coffee shop.... you must think you're a queen.

Not quite

The 'queen' reference is to the poster above who explicitly stated that back in her day the onus was on men to treat women on dates 'like fucking queens', i.e. splash out a bit and impress with high end venues and not do low key dates like walks etc.

The thing is as you’re acknowledging here is that dinner dates usually happen when the relationship is going somewhere but men know if they WANT it to go somewhere on the first meet. Men are more visual and if they’re super attracted they’re going to be thinking about how they’re going to get this woman’s time and energy. They’re not going to risk some other guy swooping in especially when they know the woman’s on OLD and dating others so they try to think of things they think would appeal to ensure they get the second date. The really keen ones will be offering options. What they don’t do is say ‘Shall we go sit in the park?’.

There’s nothing ‘wrong’ with it, but it’s not for you.

What I don't get about all these blokes who turn up on threads like this (and yes we know which of you are blokes, even if you insist you're "female") is what they're hoping to achieve with this strange and aggressive re-education programme. Do they really think that women will magically become interested in them if they spend 40 pages yelling at us about parks?

I imagine they're the types who would struggle to attract women regardless of money or what date they were offering. They therefore like to impose a whole set of arbitrary rules and requirements of what they expect a woman to be like...they can therefore kid themselves that it's their standards which are keeping them single rather than their shit personalities.

True true.

Also that the reason women aren't interested in them is because women are gold-diggers and prostitutes.

Meet each other (work, party, pub, club), talk to each other, like each other, guy says "Can I take you out to dinner?" (and rocks up in a suit)

Dating back in the Jurassic, sorry, the early 1980s. There was also plenty of "I'll get the next round" "shall we go Dutch?" or cooking for each other and yeah, picnics in parks down the line.

Loads of us got with our husbands that way and have at times been main breadwinners, caregivers, anything but "parasites" and "queens". I think the rise of OLD with the endless choice of "menu", low expectations and rapid turnover is a bloody plague if I'm honest, with no offence to those who've made it work. The human race was hardly dying out before it.

I would love a park date - low pressure, relaxed. I'd much rather a park date than a romantic meal.

Maybe you and he just aren't compatible with your styles? It sounds like you're a bit fancier and he's a bit more casual

I'd text back weather forecast is for rain.

This thread is an interesting read, especially the view that a woman who is happy to go on a date that doesn't cost the man money, does not value herself.

Maybe the guy has picked up on this attitude and uses park dates to eliminate women who equate spending money with developing a relationship.

Be careful and safe. You don't know this man well and I hope the park isn't too isolated.

Yeah weird idea for a date. Suggest going for a coffee. Surely he can afford a tenner.

Maybe it's not about the money and the guy just enjoys parks.

The thing with money is that most people who have it, don't really feel the need to demonstrate this fact to everyone, and wouldn't consider that it might look like they don't have a tenner.

Pardon… you ‘don’t hear anything about men’s expectations of women’??

Really? Men’s expectations of women, usually conflicting expectations that are impossible to meet, are built into the very fabric of society.

This thread is getting wild - especially the poster who suggested that feminism has bypassed women who have preferences about the type of date they go on. The internalised misogyny is so depressing.

@beeloubee most parks have coffee shops.
Ones near me are so fancy pants that a couple of coffees plus maybe a cake or ice cream will cost lots more than a tenner 😂

Given how many women think the dating formula is money for sex. And given that they think men know this too. And given they think men desire sex above all else, then the only logical conclusion is that Mr Parkdate rejects all of the above and just wants a nice park date.

Yeah absolutely, I'm 37 and am struggling to think of a single date I've been on where the man has paid and I haven't either bought the next round or paid the next time we went out. My personal experience, others think/act differently. I just haven't ever had that expectation when dating. Raised on Destiny's Child maybe?! The shoes on my feet...I bought it!

I’d much prefer that to a meal but that’s just me, everyone is different.

Yep!

And it's a great strategy, he might find a like minded woman and have a happy relationship while op breaths a sigh of relief by avoiding a man who doesn't understand 'the rules'.

Don't forget your Strongbow.

Strongbow......you are a bit posh aren't you!

lol at sitting in the park as a grown up.

It's a no from me!

"No, I want somewhere expensive because even though you don't know me yet, I'm WORTH IT, just like all the other ladies you have dated have probably said. The more money you spend on me on the first date, the more serious you are about me! You just have to trust me that I'm not using you for free food... Obviously I'm not one of those women who line up a different guy on every day of the week so I can systematically tick off all the Michelin star restaurants in London, I mean what sort of woman does that?! Dates are NOT about getting to know someone in quiet, friendly settings, they're about letting me assess your financial situation and your ability to support me."

#Meganmarkle

The more I read this thread, the more convinced I am that this man is very smart and knows exactly what he's doing.

I hope you both get the partners you deserve.

Too fucking right!

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