To not want to ‘sit in the park’ on a second date?

[LookOverHere]

I met a chap on a dating app a few weeks ago, we met up for a drink for our first date and it was fun. He’s calm, has a good sense of humour, nice smile, good job. Both in our late 40’s. He texted me the day after to say he’d love to see me again, and since then he’s sent the occasional text, thoughtful, remembers what I’ve said. But… for the second he suggested “shall we sit in the park?”

AIBU to be disappointed with this? What does it even mean… I’m too old to be hanging out in the park! That’s where I had my teenage dates. The weather forecast also says rain. It’s not a picnic, or he’d mention it. I think it’s a low effort suggestion, a bit weird for a professional guy, and something I might do with a friend or colleague (we sometimes grab a coffee in the park). All my successful relationships all started with a romantic meal. Is this how it is these days? All views welcome…

Excellent post! Some women make me cringe. Their bar is set so low for men, that it's scraping along the floor.

And yes @ForGreyKoala I DO have a high opinion of myself. I am just sorry that so many women on here don't have the same high opinion of themselves.

And yes to the posters saying you are deluded if you think you are even remotely equal to men, especially in the workplace. It will always be YOU bearing the children, and your body being affected through it. And YOUR career taking a hit. And YOU on a lower income than men, even for doing the same job. And YOU who is never promoted when men are. And YOU doing the lion's share of the housework, childcare, and grunt work (no matter how much you tell yourself 'my DH and I will do 50-50. Won't happen!)

But hey - you carry on with your feminist rhetoric, paying for your own drinks and meals on dates, and going for 'walking dates' because your 'date' CBA to fork out even for a latte - 'because feminism!' I bet you won't/didn't change your surname on marriage - that's even if you got married! 'because patriarchy!' But then still end up doing most of the housework, grunt work, and childcare. (AS WELL AS GOING OUT TO WORK. Because that makes women sooo equal to men doesn't it?! Going out to work, as well as doing almost everything around the house/for the kids!)

IME and IMO, the vast VAST majority of men who are tight-fisted with money when you first meet them 'because women fought for equality' do NOT take that equality into the relationship. Funnily enough they believe in equality when it comes to a woman paying for herself, but not when it comes to pulling their weight around the house/looking after the kids.

You have my sympathy. And no I do not think of women as equal to men. We are fucking BETTER than them. As soon as you adopt this mindset, you will be a much happier person. Right now, you 'feminists' bashing me and posters with the same mindset don't sound too happy.

And as a pp said, all the LOLz at the gold-digger accusations. The vast majority of men have fuck-all to offer in the way of 'gold' and very few are rich. Women would be going for someone better than 'let's go on a walking date' man if they were gold-diggers! LMFAO!

I agree with @Comedycook lots of incel-type comments on here.

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Oooo is he very smart ...is he testing her to see if she's a gold digger 😂absolutely hilarious. Honestly I think it's nuts how many totally average men are convinced that women are after them for their money. Like is said, if you're a millionaire/billionaire, I totally would understand the concern...but do you really think an average woman is so desperate for a free plate of pasta that she'd endure the company of a man she's not truly keen on.

Date 1 should be casual and cheap if OLD as you haven't met one another and have no real idea about compatibility. (If you already know each other it might be more special)
Date 2 and 3 are when you have some idea of compatibility and should do something special, whether that involves money or not. It should be something that seems to align with your interests and is either fun/exciting/ something you wouldn't usually do. There's.a chance you'll be looking back on these dates fondly if it leads anywhere. I would expect date 2 to last longer than date 1 as well unless there were other time constraints in the day for either person.

If you're looking to date more casually then something simple and not as exciting might be more acceptable. I would have thought from the OP's tone she is looking for more than bedroom company.

👏

This! (Although it does seem like some men are not even offering to buy her a woman a bowl of pasta!)

Some men want a 'walk in the park' date - and will still want a shag after. (In the bushes probably!) If you're lucky he may buy you a cone of chips after. You can sit together on the swings and eat them! 😂

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And the maze!

And it's not even the best park in South London

The irony being is that the tone and language of the above post just radiates the same level of anger and grievance laden entitlement that you would expect from an actual basement dwelling incel.

That's not what I meant at all.

Long term relationships are mostly successful due to shared values and maybe his values don't align with op's. I wouldn't have thought a park date was a good marker for this, but this thread suggests otherwise.

I'm slightly appalled by some of the posters on this thread who suggest that women who 'spread their legs' after a park date do not value themselves. If nothing else, it suggests they're a bit dim, unpleasant and probably quite insecure. I'd want to swerve women like this too.

I think if you felt there was any spark between you, you'd be happy to go and sit in the park (admittedly my local park is the Jardins Luxembourg). Walking and talking is great way to get to know someone better and presumably if you're enjoying each others company it doesn't have to end there - you can go and get something to eat/a drink/see a film/an exhibition. It's a very open ended sort of date - a make your excuses and leave or extend it into the early hours depending on how things are going.

Yes, I don’t understand the aggression about a park date either.

If it’s not your sort of thing, fine, don’t go on one. People are entitled to like different things. A dinner is not objectively better than a park date or vice versa. It just depends on individual preference. There are enough people out there to find someone who you’re compatible with - why be so dismissive of what other people like?

I earn more than my husband
I don’t take on the majority of parenting and housework
My career didn’t take a massive hit

I wouldn’t be with a man who thought it was only my responsibility to cook, clean and care for children.

Sounds like the leftovers from Covid and lockdowns.
Men really used it as an excuse to become even more lazier and cheaper and took it as a new normal.

YANBU.

@OneTC yeah it's a bit run down at the moment which is sad 🙁

I didn’t say ‘super attractive’. Normal men don’t marry women they don’t have high levels of attraction for from the get go. That doesn’t mean you have to be a beauty queen but you DO have to be attractive HIM. DH still talks about the first time he saw me standing at the bar for our first date after meeting on OLD. Now I am not every man’s idea of a beauty I know that. But whatever I did have going on added up to the right stuff for him and he made sure he got that second date. He was picking my brain on the first date itself about what kind of food I liked and things I enjoyed so he could make a plan for our second date that I would enjoy. He would not have risked blowing it by a low effort text offering a sit in the park. Not in a million.

That was obviously a "love at first sight" moment. Not every successful marriage/relationship starts with that feeling. Some can be a slow burner.

People complain about OLD all the time and how people are so quick to discard someone if they instantly don't get that "wow" feeling. But before OLD people were regularly in each others company for weeks/months before realising they were mad about each other!

I suppose in this "swiping" and "next" world then people don't bother allowing time for something to maybe develop. This man might be trying to do things right. Taking it slowly rather than swiping on to the next woman and dropping OP. But because he's not tripping over himself to treat her to a "romantic" meal then he's being branded a creep and a cheapskate. And OP herself seems to have the expectation of being treated to this by someone she doesn't seem to keen on. If she was keen a walk in the park would be seen as "romantic". It's all about perception I suppose.

If you like him then just go and see how you get on.

You got to pick the first date and so it’s only fair he gets to pick the second.

I would have chosen something similar to him and so I don’t see anything wrong with his suggestion but it may just be that you two aren’t compatible.

This. But if he doesn't step up his game once you show him once, I'd give up.

Lots of made up scenarios here. Maybe he will bring a picnic blanket, strawberries and champagne. Maybe you can go on to a museum afterwards and for a meal/ Or the time I went on a date with my DH and we met in a park and went on for a meal. Or assuming the park is an amazing park with a maze, botanical garden and museum.
Rather than making things up, maybe just believe him. He suggested meeting to sit in a park. That is it. You could ask what park in case he is suggesting one of these amazing parks, but that seems unlikely if he has not already said it.
It is far more likely that he wants to sit on a bench in the local park that has a playground, a bit of grass and some trees.
I would say no. I like the outdoors and walking, I never go and sit in the local pretty boring park when we have actual countryside not too far away.
A meet up in a cafe for lunch or a pub for a drink is better. And those who say they hate eating out on a date - I would want to filter out anyone who is weird about eating in front of other people.

I'll eat out with people. I just don't see it as "romantic"!

Sitting in the park? On a bench? Is he bringing the White Lightening or are you?

@TellMeWhoTheVillainsAre it does not have to be romantic. Just a fun pleasant date. Which is why I suggested lunch in a cafe if money is tight. Or a drink in a pub. But there are multiple comments from people saying they would not want to eat in front of people they barely know. I would be happy to weed those people out. I would never want to date someone who is weird about eating in front of others. It is just too limiting socially.

I also agree that anyone who thinks this is a good idea to weed out "gold diggers" is someone to avoid. Someone who is so suspicious of women that they think buying a woman in a pub a drink, a sandwich at lunch time, or a pizza in the evening, could be a woman taking financial advantage of them, is someone with a lot of issues to be given a large swerve. Someone that suspicious and cynical of women is giving out major red flags.

I like parks and would be happy to walk through one and stop and have a coffee or ice cream, but not in the rain.