Favour for a friend

[MyOhSaid]

I have a friend, not super close but we share a hobby, see each other once a month on average.

She asked me recently if I could look after her dog for a couple of nights; she'd messed up some dates for boarding him and would have to cancel plans if I couldn't look after him. I said yes (her dog is easy to care for).

This was a couple of weeks ago - it was fine, dog was very happy, but I admit I am a bit surprised that she didn't offer anything like a bottle of wine, or chocs, or even a card to say thank you.

My DH thinks I'm unreasonable as you shouldn't expect anything from friends, that you do favours and that's that. It's not that I expected it, but in her place I would 100% have bought something to say thank you.

I feel a little differently about her now - just a bit used, but hopefully I'm being daft so please tell me if I am!

Short version - aibu feeling used after I did a favour for a friend!

me personally I would buy a gift! As you have helped her out of a situation. Personally make an excuse if she asks you again! Can’t stand people that aren’t grateful. Even a card would have sufficed

I look after my friends dog and she buys me flowers even if I just have him for the day!!!

Rude
You've saved her at least £60

And the cost of her plans.
Yanbu she used you and took advantage of you. Horrible person, who does that.

My friend looked after my cat when I went away last week. I got him some gifts to say thank you, even a thank you card shows appreciation.

I would have given you and your husband a voucher for dinner/takeaway and a bottle of wine at the very minimum. I would not be impressed with her, at all.

I would if someone had done it for me but I also wouldn’t expect it if I had for someone else but it would be a welcome bonus so I’m not sure how to answer.

i think it depends on if you felt she was appreciative (even though she didn’t show it with a gift) or if she was blasé about it.
Also if I left you out of pocket or if she provided everything like food etc.

either way I wouldn’t say anything to her about it but depending on how I felt I might decide not to offer again.

How much would you have spent on the voucher?

Thank you for the replies!

It's validating to hear I'm not being completely over sensitive.

Even just a token something like a hand written card would have prevented me feeling so used...

Yes, a small token of appreciation would have been nice, anything at all. I would have really appreciated someone looking after my dog

The dog really is easy and lovely so maybe she thinks it doesnt need a thank you?

But I did send her videos and pictures too, re-arranged an appointment so he didn't need to be left, went on lovely walks...I know she pays a dog walker £15 a day to walk him so the days I had him she saved £30!

It's not the money though.

I feel differently about the friendship now, maybe it's not as genuine as I thought.

I don’t think you can say you’ve been used - she asked for a favour and you said yes - there was no agreement for you to get anything in return. Obviously a gesture of thanks is nice and appreciated but she hasn’t used you!

Did she actually thank you? To your face, or by text? If so, Yabu,

if no thanks, what so ever, than yanbu,

Yes ridiculous you didn’t get anything given how much you saved her although feeling like you aren’t friends or like she used you seems ott to me. At worst I’d say she was being thoughtless!!

My very good fried often looks after my dogs, I always give her something for her trouble. I can offer her anything back, to help her out, so I give her something. If I could offer her something back then I wouldn’t give her anything, other than a bottle of wine as a thank you

I would have expected a thank you even if it was in advance, at the time I offered.

I think she should have given a thank you gift too but could she possibly be someone who would rather exchange favours to friends so be more than willing to do so something for you and doesn’t like idea of ‘payment’ by gift? Or is your instinct she’s a user?

Lots of people would get either a gift or a thank you card in this situation but I can imagine some won't- did she thank you profusely when she came to pick the dog up? If the dog is cute and easy to look after, I'd be delighted to look after a friend's dog for a weekend, no-one ever asks me! I don't think she's a user unless she keeps doing it and you ask her for something and she doesn't bother.

I'm not much one for cards but I would have definitely got you a small gift like chocolates or wine.

Maybe I am being silly then!

I think if I asked her for a favour, she'd do whatever she could to help.

Her job is very tiring and stressful, so there's that too.

Maybe we're just different in the way we show thanks, as I would have definitely wanted to give something to show appreciation.

She said "cheers for that" when she picked him up.

When I agreed to have him last minute she said "great" (just read the text back in case I'd missed a thanks there).

My sister has my dogs at the mo as I'm away.

I've given her some cash, got her some perfume from the airport and some bits from in resort.

She absolutely wouldn't ask nor expect anything but there's no way I'd tale advantage of her. She's doing me a huge favour.

"Cheers for that" would be appropriate if you asked a stranger to keep an eye on your dog while you ducked into a drycleaners to pick up a coat!

I'd be a bit stunned, too.