Favour for a friend

[MyOhSaid]

I have a friend, not super close but we share a hobby, see each other once a month on average.

She asked me recently if I could look after her dog for a couple of nights; she'd messed up some dates for boarding him and would have to cancel plans if I couldn't look after him. I said yes (her dog is easy to care for).

This was a couple of weeks ago - it was fine, dog was very happy, but I admit I am a bit surprised that she didn't offer anything like a bottle of wine, or chocs, or even a card to say thank you.

My DH thinks I'm unreasonable as you shouldn't expect anything from friends, that you do favours and that's that. It's not that I expected it, but in her place I would 100% have bought something to say thank you.

I feel a little differently about her now - just a bit used, but hopefully I'm being daft so please tell me if I am!

Manners are such a priority in my house I can't say anything but YANBU.

I had a friend's dog for over 24 hours, slept next to my head 😂and she gave me a lovely card and fancy box of toiletries.

Another friend has been very supportive with advice and helped me with a technical issue and I gave her a big bunch of flowers as I wanted to know I appreciated her and I had needed quite a lot of support.

edited to add - the supportive friend asked me to walk her dog which I did and I got a genuine verbal thank you and that's 100% okay. Anything more would feel over the top.

I would give something but yes we not all the same. My friend gave me wine. I took the dog out as they had a retirement dinner. I did not expect it and said thank you. She said I gave up my evening.

@rookiemere be careful as your potential message does swerve into emotional blackmail territory.

I would ask how much she usually pays…. Friend sounds as though could be an early doors p* taker.

I work from home and look after some friends dogs occasionally - but other friends dogs I just say no. Never the dog that’s the issue it’s friend taking the p* (expecting pick up / drop offs / no food / giving meds for d&v / changing times ) - do it once, never again as no point falling out over it.

I have to admit that my cousin has popped by (lives round the corner) and fed my cat on occasion when we are away if our parents / my aunt can’t feed the cat. I do always say thanks but I don’t buy any of them anything in exchange for it because it’s what families do. I once also dog sat 4 dogs and a teen for a week. I didn’t receive anything in exchange. If it was a friend or my neighbour then I would possibly buy a gift. I’m normally quite generous.

I always intent on Buying gifts when a neighbour looks after our cats. But I’m never organised enough to actually have them ready. Then I feel too embarrassed 3 weeks down the line when I still haven’t done it 🤦‍♀️ always happy to repay the favour tho and not get anything from them obvs

I personally would buy a gift in that situation, actually I would offer money first and if they refuse money then would buy a gift inst as.

I look after a friends hens when she’s away, I get the eggs and despite me not expecting one, she always buys me a really lovely gift

Yes that’s pretty shitty, is she young? I cringe thinking back at the favours people did for me and I didn’t get them anything, but I was young, poor and hadn’t really had decent role models.

Both sides are correct. You shouldn't expect to be rewarded for a favour if nothing was agreed beforehand. You also should give something if a favour is granted

It’s not normal in all circles to give a gift. Around here a favour is thanked for verbally and then you say something like “let me know if you need anything” or “I owe you one / a beer”.

I think “cheers for that” is the minimum you can say and get away with. But you don’t ask for another bigger favour straight after! Cheeky.

I think it would be nice of her too, but I also think it's up to her. The point of payment agreed beforehand if that the person is happy to do the thing, but FOR MONEY. The point of not agreeing payment is the person is happy to help and doesn't mind about what they get in return. It is nice to say give something but it isn't needed. Is it possible that she thinks you'll ask her to do something for her at another point?

I think it's a bit pathetic to say you mean to buy a gift but never get around to it. Pretending to be flaky is not cute. Maybe if you refuse to organise yourself you buy some generic gifts then they are in the cupboard ready for if you are lucky enough to be helped out.

Say yes to the two weeks.. at £10 a day!
She saves on the kennel fee and you get your thank you..

Doubt it, she couldn't even bring herself to say the word 'thank you', let alone 'drinks are on me next time'.

I’m more than happy to help a friend out and I’m more than happy with a “Thank-you” nothing else!
I Don’t help for a gift!

OMG @PeachBlossom that's awful! Was it a proper pet sitting company?

She’s totally taking the piss now. 2 weeks and no mention of payment? Don’t be a mug

I don't think there is any suggestion that OP helped her friend out for a gift.

I think I know the answer to this.
SHE feels really safe in your affections to ' use ' you. Its such a fine line between ' insulting a dear friend by paying them' or risking them feeling 'used'. I regular give my neighbours small gifts for favours, theres no affectionate feelings between us. Everyone is happy. And Im please they occaisionally remove my garden waste etc. or feed my cat if hes outside hungry. But if a close friend does a favour it could risk Offence to pay in terms of a GIFT..IF your friends Dog had vomited on your carpet or inconvenienced you in some other way then a return favour or Gift is in order, but otherwise No, she secure in your affections.

Me and my friends help each other out when needed. There's never a gift directly in exchange for it. I agree with your DH and I wouldn't have expected a gift in your position.
Maybe ask a favour of her and then see how she responds.

Yeah. Your husband is right on this one.

But feel free to use them for s as favour. They won’t mind

She’s disappointed she didn’t get anything??

It's more nuanced than that - I didn't help specifically to receive a gift, at all, but I'm questioning if I'm being used because there was no 'thank you' effort.

A thank you card, or even a text afterwards saying thanks would have eliminated me questioning it.

Personally I would have definitely got a small box of chocs and made sure I said 'thanks so much, I really appreciate that'.

But there are plenty of posters saying they wouldn't even think of doing that and it doesn't mean they don't appreciate it, so I've agreed to have the dog for 2 weeks next month.

Can you not see the difference?