Favour for a friend

[MyOhSaid]

I have a friend, not super close but we share a hobby, see each other once a month on average.

She asked me recently if I could look after her dog for a couple of nights; she'd messed up some dates for boarding him and would have to cancel plans if I couldn't look after him. I said yes (her dog is easy to care for).

This was a couple of weeks ago - it was fine, dog was very happy, but I admit I am a bit surprised that she didn't offer anything like a bottle of wine, or chocs, or even a card to say thank you.

My DH thinks I'm unreasonable as you shouldn't expect anything from friends, that you do favours and that's that. It's not that I expected it, but in her place I would 100% have bought something to say thank you.

I feel a little differently about her now - just a bit used, but hopefully I'm being daft so please tell me if I am!

But there are plenty of posters saying they wouldn't even think of doing that and it doesn't mean they don't appreciate it, so I've agreed to have the dog for 2 weeks next month.

Your people-pleasing does seem pretty ingrained. It's almost like you're setting yourself up.

But there are plenty of posters saying they wouldn't even think of doing that and it doesn't mean they don't appreciate it, so I've agreed to have the dog for 2 weeks next month.

Prepare to be taken for an absolute mug regularly from now on, with barely a thank you in return. As Maya Angelou said, 'When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time'.

Well hopefully you’ve agreed to having the dog for two weeks because you actually want to?

I think it’s incredibly rude to fail to acknowledge a very significant favour like this. If you hadn’t she risked not going away. Bottle of wine and a fulsome thanks at the very least.

Not really comparable but my friend ( excellent friend!) took my puppy for three nights when we had a huge family event. He definitely was hard work. I was on my knees with gratitude and gave her a significant voucher as a token of that.

So the question is, are you taking the dog for your own enjoyment or just to help her out?

But lots of posters have said they wouldn't expect a gift so I think it's just a personal thing, some are gift givers and some aren't?

What about the bit where not only did she not give you any sort of token of appreciation, she couldn't even manage a proper appreciative normal thank you?

You will learn from this, I expect, to listen to your feelings.

That’s a bit rubbish. My friends look after my cat when I go on holiday and although they absolutely love having her, I always get them a bottle of rum from the duty free. It’s just good manners.

Unfortunately yes! Well he was a registered dog walker and sitter service, and I’ve used him plenty of times before. Total nightmare and I’m so grateful for good friends and ex! I sent flowers to all the ladies who helped (and covered expenses obviously) and I’m taking ex for a steak dinner tomorrow to thank him! Thank goodness we co-parent so well (dogs and kids!!)

Gosh I'd definitely be buying a nice bottle of wine! Yes I've asked a friend to look after my cats ( actually asked his teenage DD and said I'd pay her). She couldn't do it but my friend did - just dropped in a four times in total to feed and water them - and I got him a gift on my return.

Only the dimest would equate a one off favour like a lift somewhere, to a daily gig as a pet minder when someoneis away.

But if posters can't see the different that is their problem.
OP, you are clearly happy to be used and she wwill definitely oblige.
She has clocked that she no longer needs expensive kennels when she has a mug friend happy to be used.
We teach people how to treat us.
Good luck with that.

But lots of posters have said they wouldn't expect a gift so I think it's just a personal thing, some are gift givers and some aren't?

But everyone has said they would expect to be thank someone properly even if they aren't gift givers.

I think you are daft to agree to look after the dogs for two weeks. What happens if you get sick or if the dogs get sick. It's fine to do it in an emergency but just to save her money is a bit much

It depends whether she regularly does favours for you, and if so do you get her gifts.

Looking after a pet like a dog is more than just a favour though. It's like having a child for the weekend. So not only all the love, care and hard work that goes into looking after it, but from the dog owners perspective, they are able to relax, knowing that their dog is being taken really good care of.

Her plans would have well and truely fallen through had you not looked after the dog, so all in all you absolutely are not unreasonable to expect a proper thank you. Whether that's offering to do you a favour in return or some token of appreciation.

Fwiw, someone looked after my dog for the week. It saved me a bloody fortune and I knew that he would be so well taken care of (she wve took him away with her for the weekend!!). I would have happily given her the going rate, but she said she didn't want paying at all, so in the end I gave her £100 for a thank you take away or enough for a coffee and cake for each day she had him.

YANBU. Years ago I had a reputation for making a speciality dish which, even though I say it myself, was very good + tasty. A friend was going to an event and was asked to take food, and came up with idea of asking me to prepare my dish. She said she would pay for ingredients. Thinking meant 1 or 2, I said yes, as I would just make a bit extra when I was making it for my family. But she needed 15! I’d agreed so I made the 15. (Mug!) It took me every night for week. On day of event, took all dishes to house and gave bill for ingredients. She took them with quick ‘thank you’ and that was it. Never mentioned again, other than when I asked where dishes okay. ‘They loved it. Will probably get you to do it again!’ No chance. My partner pointed out, I didn’t even charge for energy use or all my time. He was really annoyed. I know you shouldn’t expect anything but a small gift, just wine or chocs, even a ‘Thank you’ card would have made me feel better. Never again.

my friend looked after my dog for a day recently whilst I attended an event and I bought her a gift. She said I really didn’t need to but to me she put herself out for me and is a sign of appreciation. I do think people have different ideas and standards and I’d she’s generally a good friend I wouldn’t let it both me.

I have a friend where I've practically helped her and wouldn't expect or need a gift in return. She gives me emotional support and advice which is payment enough.

It is all about feeling appreciated and not used.

You’re friends, you’re supposed to help each other out, surely that’s enough. I wouldn’t expect my friends to buy me gifts.

Oh my word, I would've sent flowers, ordered a surprise meal, at the very least have bought back a gift and some vouchers! Nothing is more important having a pet than knowing they are being well looked after. Xx

I totally agree with you, OP! I would have bought a thank you gift for sure.

"The reason I asked is because she's asked me to have the dog for 2 weeks next month, and I haven't replied yet."

This is a big commitment and an imposition on your freedom - has she at least offered to pay for the dog's food? If she is paying a dog walker £15 per hour she must realise she should offer you something / kennel fees would be a lot of money. And she should be a bit less casual in her thanks. If you feel you're being used it's probably because you are!

Oh I mean £15 per day - but could the dog walker do it?

Oh no - I feel horrified reading this post. I always intend to get people things but in the end often don’t get round to it. I hope they don’t think any less of me because of it and understand I am just so disorganised

Yes to this

I used to drop my friend to airport
Take her dog to mine

Or dog sit at hers
Then fcking pick her up from airport

I got nada

She is an ex friend

Oh no - I feel horrified reading this post. I always intend to get people things but in the end often don’t get round to it. I hope they don’t think any less of me because of it and understand I am just so disorganised

If you're organised enough to sort out help, then you should be organised enough to sort out a thank you gift for the person helping.
Sorry, but it's just not an excuse.

I absolutely LOVE dogs and do loads of dog sitting for friends. Without exception they all give a token thank you gift and quite rightly so. It’s a lot of extra work and a huge commitment.
I don’t want gushing of stuff but a little box of lovely chocolates goes a long way. How about saying, “Yes, I will look after your dog for a £50.00 donation to Dogs Trust.”

I’d definitely buy you a thank you gift and not just something generic .
You have saved her a lot of bother and £