Favour for a friend

[MyOhSaid]

I have a friend, not super close but we share a hobby, see each other once a month on average.

She asked me recently if I could look after her dog for a couple of nights; she'd messed up some dates for boarding him and would have to cancel plans if I couldn't look after him. I said yes (her dog is easy to care for).

This was a couple of weeks ago - it was fine, dog was very happy, but I admit I am a bit surprised that she didn't offer anything like a bottle of wine, or chocs, or even a card to say thank you.

My DH thinks I'm unreasonable as you shouldn't expect anything from friends, that you do favours and that's that. It's not that I expected it, but in her place I would 100% have bought something to say thank you.

I feel a little differently about her now - just a bit used, but hopefully I'm being daft so please tell me if I am!

I looked after my friend's dog a few times mamy years ago and she always thanked me but didn't bring a gift. I never expected one at all, it never crossed my mind. I love dogs so I guess the "reward" for me was the pleasure of having the dog around.

She could have been a bit more effusive. For a one off, just think about it as a nice thing that you did, with a lovely dog, but I wouldn't be offering again if you don't think it's likely to be reciprocated or the thanks were very forthcoming.

I wouldn't be offering again.

It would be more polite to be more thankful, I can see how you’d feel that - and like to think I would be too. However, people are different and if you know she’d do anything to help you then that’s the bit to concentrate on. Buying a gift can be lot easier than being there for a friend and doing what’s needed.

Rude. I pay a neighbor boy and bring him a little souvineer.

Absolutely she should have got you something.

Absolutely rude.
Wouldn't dream of doing it again.

It would never occur to me to give a gift in this situation! Blimey. I would thank you very thoroughly though. And I would know I owed you one.

This.

I would probably have got some flowers or a bottle of wine, but actually, when someone gets me the same for doing something like that, I genuinely think there was no need.

I feel differently about the friendship now, maybe it's not as genuine as I thought

See, the closer someone is to me / the stronger the friendship, the less I would expect or want something from them, because you know you are in a situation where they would help you out if they could, when you needed it. I mean, that's what friends do - help each other out when they can.

I dislike the thinking of some people that they have to buy you something because you have done them a favour. I'd rather they said "Thanks. Really appreciate it".

I think it was a bit ill mannered, but not so much to question your friendship.

You’ve said she’d help you out.

Nice friends are hard to come by. If she’s otherwise a decent mate, I’d try to shrug it off.

Agree completely.

Do people only feel appreciated and help their friends when gifts are involved?

Especially I don't get the "not even a card" comments. The card is even more baffling, piece of paper with Thank You in it that they could have told you in person 😄

I'm hoping she's just a similar type of person to you, and it just wouldn't cross her mind, rather than her purposefully not giving a crap!

If a friend had agreed to look after my much-loved dog (as he is to her) last minute, so I avoided cancelling plans, I would definitely get something to say thank you to show how much I appreciated it.

I have been walked all over by people before because I have a people pleasing nature, so I'm extra 'alert' to red flags.

The reason I asked is because she's asked me to have the dog for 2 weeks next month, and I haven't replied yet.

2 weeks?? That's a lot different to a few days. And why can't the dog go into the kennels with over a months notice?

You have saved her a fortune. The least she could have done was buy you a bottle of wine.
We asked our neighbour’s young dd to feed our cat when we went away. She was very fond of him and her parents said absolutely no problem. We bought her a gift with her name printed on it from the resort we were staying in as a thank you.
I’m not sure I’d look after her dog for 2 weeks without any form of payment. It’s quite tying for one thing.

You were kind and helpful and now she is taking the piss asking for two weeks. If you know you've been taken advantage of before, this is an opportunity to change that by drawing a line now.

I'm afraid she doesn't sound like a decent person or friend.

I’ve felt deflated before by an overabundance of thank you gifts, I sort of felt ‘paid’, when I wanted a closer relationship where we reciprocated favours.

Ask her a favour, OP. Think of something. See what happens.

I do love dogs so I don't mind, I'm out walking every day anyway and I work from home so it's nice having company!

I'm thinking of saying yes to the 2 weeks but if she doesn't say thank you or show appreciation after that then I'll distance myself and not do it again!

That's a good point. Maybe giving gifts would 'read' differently to her?

She's a very straight forward/blunt sort of person, not effusive at all.

Don't do that! She's a user. It doesn't matter if she didn't get you a gift, but "cheers" is a bullshit level of thanks.

I often get friends to look after my dog and always get them flowers and a bottle of wine, it's just polite. Also to increase the likelihood of them dog sitting again 😂😂 YANBU

She's happily established you are a mug so has come back to save her £15 ×14..£210.
Why hasn't she just booked kennels...she thinks you are a mug.
That is a huge ask.

You have a lot of work to do on the people pleasing front.
"Cheers" was a bloody rude response but if you want to be a mug, crack on.

I frequently look after my neighbour's cat (feed it 3 times daily, let it out, make sure it is in at night). She lives opposite me, so it's no bother. She always brings me a bottle of wine or some chocolates.

I pay £25 a day for my dog via Rover.
So you are saving her a lot of money.
You should both take a look at it!.

I would not feel inclined to do it for her, you already feel taken for granted, if she doesn't say thank you or give you a token gift after, your friendship is going to suffer.

I understand - you've had bad experiences with people in the past and so you are more sensitive about these things. I am guessing that she's also not a close friend?
I wouldn't agree to looking after dogs for 2 weeks, that's a lot of commitment and how come she's not sorted a kennel...again?

Just to add, asking a friend to look after my pets for a couple of days is fine, but I'd never dream of asking for 2 weeks! If I did, I would insist on paying them the going rate of a sitter/walker.