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AIBU?

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Original poster

Favour for a friend

155 replies

MyOhSaid · 30/06/2024 18:22

I have a friend, not super close but we share a hobby, see each other once a month on average.

She asked me recently if I could look after her dog for a couple of nights; she'd messed up some dates for boarding him and would have to cancel plans if I couldn't look after him. I said yes (her dog is easy to care for).

This was a couple of weeks ago - it was fine, dog was very happy, but I admit I am a bit surprised that she didn't offer anything like a bottle of wine, or chocs, or even a card to say thank you.

My DH thinks I'm unreasonable as you shouldn't expect anything from friends, that you do favours and that's that. It's not that I expected it, but in her place I would 100% have bought something to say thank you.

I feel a little differently about her now - just a bit used, but hopefully I'm being daft so please tell me if I am!

OP posts:
Mountainpika · 01/07/2024 17:56

Decades ago a neighbour, same sort of age as me, we both had young children, asked me to look after her cat while they were abroad on holiday. Went and fed it twice a day.
Didn't even get a thanks, not a word, let alone a gift. I thought that very ill-mannered of her not even to thank me.

Mary46 · 01/07/2024 18:26

Yes she should have given something thats a bit tight. Its nice to be appreciative of your friends

hopscotcher · 01/07/2024 18:29

Presume she SAID thank you and was grateful? I'd probably let it go if so, but would, like you, be surprised not to get a little gift.

freshbluesnow · 01/07/2024 23:41

hopscotcher · 01/07/2024 18:29

Presume she SAID thank you and was grateful? I'd probably let it go if so, but would, like you, be surprised not to get a little gift.

OP has posted: She said "cheers for that" when she picked him up.

SavageTomato · 01/07/2024 23:52

Yes, you got used. The thing I fucking can't stand about dog owners like that, is they give zero thought to how they will look after the dog. Then expect you to pick up the slack. Fuck that. You want a dog? Then you look after it 247. That's the deal. You do not get to palm it off any time you fancy. Tell her to fuck off.

SavageTomato · 02/07/2024 00:01

Just saw the 2 weeks thing. Again, no way in my book. Her dog, her fucking problem. Why are you the default carer here? Why can't she take it on holiday or pay for kennels? Cheeky fucking bitch.

Orders76 · 02/07/2024 00:19

Nooo, I could totally let any accident go.
No quid pro quos

However it has to go both ways, can you ask for a favour you need too?

DreamTheMoors · 02/07/2024 00:32

I used to have cats, three of them.
My cousin was home and absolutely hated staying with her parents - her mum grated on her nerves, so I asked her to stay at ours for two days while we went out of town.
When we got back there was a mountain of dishes in the sink, the milk & other perishables were out on the counter, dirty dishes were all over the house and she smoked in the house and left dishes overflowing with cigarette butts. Wet towels were in every room of the house.

But - the cats were fed. I know that because there were empty cat food cans everywhere.

HollyKnight · 02/07/2024 00:45

I wouldn't expect a gift for just a couple of days. I would just expect a thanks and a return favour in the future.

Two weeks is a different matter. That is more than a favour.

echt · 02/07/2024 01:33

A friend and I do return favours for dog-sitting. Anything over couple of days is a good bottle of wine. We've also done long sits, so flowers mid-sitting, a card and more wine.

These weren't matters we discussed beforehand, just good manners.

Your friend is being exceptionally cheeky.

Original poster
MyOhSaid · 02/07/2024 05:32

Mary46 · 01/07/2024 18:26

Yes she should have given something thats a bit tight. Its nice to be appreciative of your friends

That's what I find so odd - she's not tight at all, so I don't think it's because she's too tight to give a gift.

I can only assume she just hasn't thought of it/can't be bothered/doesn't think the favour is worthy of a bigger thank you, which makes me feel a mug...

OP posts:
Feelinglow27 · 02/07/2024 05:44

So she asked you in an emergency and showed no thanks. Outcome of you being so useful is now you seem to have become default carer when she's going away? Why isn't she arranging the usual dog care?

I think she's seen an opportunity in you. Do not say yes!

Greydays10 · 02/07/2024 08:39

Feelinglow27 · 02/07/2024 05:44

So she asked you in an emergency and showed no thanks. Outcome of you being so useful is now you seem to have become default carer when she's going away? Why isn't she arranging the usual dog care?

I think she's seen an opportunity in you. Do not say yes!

This is the essence of it.
You did a favour for her, one that she doesn't feel the need to be particularly appreciative for.

However, NOW she has established you are a mug she might as well use you for two weeks.
No need for her to be bothered booking kennels when she can save money and has you as her dog minder.

You are a mug and she knows it.

louderthan · 02/07/2024 15:38

I'd have definitely got you something! She's rude. Do you think she'd do you a similar favour if you asked?

purplecorkheart · 02/07/2024 15:43

Personally, I would have brought you something to say thank you. However with a lot of people I know they wouldn't because they would fully expect you to ask for a favor in the future.

rookiemere · 02/07/2024 16:19

That's awful- particularly as she wants two weeks out of you for next time.

As a reference point I left our dog sitters a £25 voucher for a local dog free cafe for brunch for three nights of sitting, plus fizz and chocolates.I may have gone slightly generous because she is doing another break for us in the summer.

If you enjoy looking after the dog, I guess I would say yes to the two weeks. She is being very short sighted- it's such a blessing to know your pet is well cared for with someone they are comfortable with.

G123456789 · 02/07/2024 16:33

We had this a few years ago. Looked after a friends dog. He was no bother, we didn't expect anything. Two weeks later we did it again for the weekend. Three weeks later...again nothing in return. She asked if we would have him for a week and due to our jobs at the time felt it wouldn't be fair to him so said no...we've not heard from her since.
Yet other friends who's dog I've just walked always give a thoughtful gift!

kickerconspiracy · 02/07/2024 16:49

TotHappy · 30/06/2024 23:22

It would never occur to me to give a gift in this situation! Blimey. I would thank you very thoroughly though. And I would know I owed you one.

I’m the same.

I actually don’t like the way some people (usually women tbf) feel like they need to give things like flowers/ wine/ chocolates and cards all the time and expect them in return. I don’t want any of those things and I don’t need anything as a token of appreciation for favours. A thanks is enough. If it’s too much trouble, I just wouldn’t do the favour.

WayOutOfLine · 02/07/2024 18:42

You would be a mug if you did this again. Once, which she said was an emergency/mistake, fine, you were kind. Again is deliberate piss-taking. Sorry OP, you are too nice. Don't do it again because she isn't grateful and she is just using you as a free doggy babysitter!

Lola2321 · 04/07/2024 07:46

I probably would have gotten you a little something. When we go away our neighbour always looks after our cats and I’d say 75% of the time we get him something

Hummingbird75 · 04/07/2024 07:51

I would not be rushing to do it again!

Notaboozy · 04/07/2024 07:55

It is really important to me that people say thank you, but for a one off favour like that I wouldn't expect a gift.
I have neighbours who stopped saying thank you when I'd water their garden and/or feed their pet during their numerous trips away, and that offended me. I'm not bothered about gifts though.
I would try not to draw any hasty conclusions about your friend. See how it goes?

WildfirePonie · 04/07/2024 07:57

Say no. You'll feel even more of a mug if you say yes and she doesn't say thanks again!

Justanothermum42 · 04/07/2024 08:11

I have used friends to look after our elderly cat on a couple of occasions and bought them a bottle and fancy chocolates respectively (one drinks, one doesn’t). But I remember years ago I asked another friend and I didn’t offer anything… I simply forgot as life was so super hectic at the time! I am sure she was annoyed but she never said anything. I wish she had as it was a simple oversight on my part (I was dealing with anxiety and was on awful meds at the time).

Runsyd · 04/07/2024 08:27

OP, I read your first couple of posts and thought yeah, she'll be after you doing this again. Then I saw she asked you to have her dog again for two weeks. Best case scenario, this woman has extremely bad manners. More likely, however, is she has extremely bad manners and is a complete piss taker. She's treating you like a resource, hence the curt responses.

You know you're a people pleaser. Whether you're aware of it or not, you're giving off vibes that let people like her know you will tolerate their crappy behaviour. I highly recommend that you do not do anything for her again. She is not your friend because friends respect boundaries and don't take the piss.