Is there any point of losing weight?

[Thanksforreading]

So DD just turned 3, I’ve struggled with losing weight via c section since getting pregnant. Before pregnancy I was 50kg and I’m 5’3 tall, I’m now 76kg and struggling to eat less, I don’t eat unhealthy, but I follow meals with my toddler on three meals and two snacks. The issue is we would like another baby but DH wants me to lose the weight and be slimmer before we start trying at the end of this year. In my eyes I don’t believe I’m overweight, I just feel like I was too skinny before and he thinks that’s normal. I don’t know should I lose weight before trying for another baby or do that after the next baby? I just feel like it’s such a waste of effort if I’m going to put all the weight on again when pregnant.

Men typically aren't all that tactful. Carrying 12kg of excess fat is unhealthy.

My DH think I look fat and do you know why, it’s because I’m fat! He’s not mean about it but he’s not going to tell me I look thin!

Well there's tactlessness and then there's thinking the words "You look fat" are the same as "I'm worried about your health".

We may live in a time when it's considered a terrible thing for words to mean things and by that very nature not to mean other things, but we do all speak the language. OP doesn't seem worried about health either; it's all about dress sizes and that seems to be the cue from her mother and husband, who hasn't, it seems, said anything about actually supporting her in losing weight.

I don't disagree. But if I had posted on here saying directly "my DH told me I'm fat", how many people would be screaming to LTB rather than telling me I should be thinking about my health?

You are definitely overweight and it’s worth trying to lose some weight to be healthier. Plus you don’t want to end up putting on more weight with another pregnancy and then being firmly in the obese category.

I wish I’d sorted my weight out before it crept on too much.

I am five feet one, weigh one stone (6kgs) less than you and am just about a size 14.

@C1N1C I use the packs of butter as a motivation. If I've 'only' lost half. Kg I think 'well that's 2 packs of butter no longer packed around my internal organs' , and that's pretty motivational for me 😬. Visceral fat is just so bad for health.

It also helps to get a mental picture of literally carrying all of that butter around. I started off my recent blast of weight loss (to fit back into my lovely summer clothes) 'only' 3kg heavier than I wanted to be (but meant that I couldn't fasten nice trousers and couldn't breathe in some dresses 😜). Then pictured myself carrying round 12 blocks of butter. That's heavy. That's a lot of unnecessary stuff to carry round. So I just do fast800 for a couple of weeks and it's gone. Pretty easy really.

Oh and I love butter. Yum.

Lose you cheeky fucker DH before you lose anything else. Fucks sake raise your bar

@C1N1C just realised you said you liked the 'butter' measurement 😂. Ignore my mansplainy post. 😜😬

I don’t think anyone who can fit into a size 10 is at all overweight.

BMI is extremely outdated (based on a short, emaciated 14th century man) as a measure but that’s not even the point. Maybe I’m just lucky in that my husband genuinely loves and fancies me at any weight I have been, but I would struggle to be with someone whose attraction for me were so conditional that I would have to stay under a size 10!

Being attractive for and being attracted to a partner is important to some people.

I wouldn't want my partner to massively change his weight/appearance, and tbh, I wouldn't be as attracted to him if he put on half his body weight. I'd be kind, but I'd tell him to sort his weight out both for health and our relationship.

I wouldn't want him to have a big personality change, weight is no different.

If you enter pregnancy at a high bodyweight your body is already under strain. To add a bump and extra pregnancy weight on top of that could cause serious back knee and hip issues and stretching of ligaments etc that would be hard to recover from, and also make pregnancy a lot harder to experience and recover from. That's why losing weight for this pregnancy would ultimately be a good idea, and that's before you get to the range of serious health conditions you are seriously more likely to get over time as a result of being seriously overweight or obese.

She's not 60kg she's 76 kg which takes her to literally a couple of pounds under being obese.

Op I am the same height and weight as you.
Size 12 but overweight according to BMI. I am aiming to loose 10kg this year.

I would look to lose some weight mainly for your health and the sake of pregnancy health not because DH is being rude. I'm am inch shorter and was 65kg at the booking appointment my first pregnancy, had gestational diabetes and have had it at every pregnancy since. While it's not purely based on weight there are some pregnancy complications that are more likely if you are overweight.

Being very overweight and looking fat usually go hand in hand.

He could have expressed it in a nicer way but he is not wrong.

Going from 8 stone to 12 stone is a massive weight gain, how about aiming to get to 10 stone (64 kg)?

It interesting because I'm the same height and 10kg less than you and would also wear a size 10 dress in M&S. I'm a 12 in their jeans. I've just been on one of those fat % scales at the gym though and been told my body fat % is too high so maybe that's it. It's definitely worth trying to lose a bit first but I found I put on much less weight with my second pregnancy than my first so it may not be as bad next time

OP, I think it’s worth trying to be as healthy as possible before going into a pregnancy. Nothing to do with looks or dress sizes, but the extra pregnancy weight will put strains on your joints and the entire system, and already starting at a higher weight will make this worse (I’m saying this being overweight myself).

You know there's nothing to stop shops putting a size 10 label on anything, right? Clothes sizing isn't regulated or standardised at all. As this thread shows, shops like M&S are probably contributing to the obesity crisis by allowing people like the OP to believe they are a healthy weight when they are not.

I get that BMI isn't foolproof but it is at least based on verifiable data, i.e. age, sex, height and weight.

Yes, most definitely. At a BMI of 29.7 you need to lose weight for sure before you conceive to have a smooth and hassle free pregnancy. Being overweight would increase your risk of being diabetic and also having high pressure during pregnancy.

Putting on 26kgs is a lot during pregnancy. Have you not lost any weight since you had your child? Try to cut portion size, maintain 3 meals, drink atleast 2 lts of water, avoid alcohol or sugary beverages, that should see you lose some weight. Also do 10K steps a day and half an hour of exercise, running or walking on treadmill at an incline of 12, that really targets the lower tummy. You could also swim which is great exercise for the full body. Good luck!

Going against the grain on the husband front..
I would rather mine told me I was gaining weight so I could do something about it, it’s all consuming when you have a baby and looking after yourself is sometimes the first thing to slip.
As long as they are going about it in a supportive way and not a dickhead way that is!

Honestly this.

M&S know exactly what they are doing.

You may not have bought those same 5 items if they were genuine true sizes.

I'm 76kg, 5ft 11 and a size 14. How an earth can you be a size 10 at 5ft 3!!

Also your husband is awful, he's nit worried about your health onky your appearance.

A size 10 in what though?

I'm 5'7" and weigh less than the OP and wear a size 14 in jeans and trousers. Like you I am not well endowed. I am pear shaped and all my weight is on my hips and thighs.

However, I can wear a 10 in some dress styles.

No one here knows exactly how OP DH phrased that she 'looks fat'. It could have come from a place of concern. If someone close to me put on half their body weight in such a short time, I would bring it up too.

I'm not in the under eating club, but as a grown adult are you really needing to also eat three meals a day plus two snacks? You don't have to eat every single thing and every single time your child is eating. You said you didn't eat this way prior to having a child, so it's obviously not normal for you, or possibly even necessary.