Is there any point of losing weight?

[Thanksforreading]

So DD just turned 3, I’ve struggled with losing weight via c section since getting pregnant. Before pregnancy I was 50kg and I’m 5’3 tall, I’m now 76kg and struggling to eat less, I don’t eat unhealthy, but I follow meals with my toddler on three meals and two snacks. The issue is we would like another baby but DH wants me to lose the weight and be slimmer before we start trying at the end of this year. In my eyes I don’t believe I’m overweight, I just feel like I was too skinny before and he thinks that’s normal. I don’t know should I lose weight before trying for another baby or do that after the next baby? I just feel like it’s such a waste of effort if I’m going to put all the weight on again when pregnant.

Don’t pay any attention to bmi. It doesn’t take into consideration muscle mass. For example my son in law. He is tall and weighs around 12 stone. BMI says he’s obese but he’s full of muscle. A better way to measure is your waist. It should be half your height. BMI is outdated and should not be used anymore.

This feels like mansplaining. I know how much 25kg is in stone, but thanks for trying to help!

This feels like mansplaining. I know how much 25kg is in stone, but thanks for trying to help!

I'm definitely a woman, and used to be a midwife. I just work in stones and pounds when it comes to body weight, and 4 stone is a lot to put on in pregnancy. Most women we saw were expected to gain about 2 stone, a little more/less if underweight or overweight to start with. I doubt things have changed since I gave up work.

Sorry OP. I’m 5’6” and 77kg and that is a little overweight, so you must have a higher bmi than me.

That said, I wouldn’t lose weight if my husband told me to. I’m not sure I could help myself from aggressively piling it on tbh.

That's your BMI.

25kg is a lot to gain. Most women put on about half of that so j wouldn't say it's 'normal'.

For your own health, I'd try to lose weight OP. You're quite overweight. Pregnancy is generally easier if you're in good health.

I’m almost 5’7 and my highest weight has been 74kg. I have a high bone density, so carried weight pretty well. However, 74kg was absolutely still overweight. I’d be losing weight for your own health and wellbeing. When you lose the dead weight of your DH, you want to make sure you are fit and healthy to enjoy it!

I read that BMI was also only supposed to be used to measure a population, not individuals, so in that case we shouldn’t be using it at all.

I agree with this. Can't believe the votes.

Fwiw i "stayed fat" for 2nd baby and conceived first try at 94kg and 5"3.
i was also 40 and am an ex smoker and heavy drinker 😬😬😬
Now 86kg and hoping to get to 70kg by year end.

But i chose to do this and my dh never made a 2nd child conditional on me losing fat.

Quite. I’m 70kg at 5’8” and a size 12 at best

I think there are three parts to this.

Your health/attitude
Your baby's health
Your DH's approach

If you feel you're 'large', lose weight if it will make you feel better about yourself.

As for the baby, yes, it probably wouldn't hurt, as you might put on even more and thrn you're risking your baby's health. Better to start from a lower position.

As for DH, I think it all depends on how he said it. If you asked him if he thought you were fat and he was like "well...........", not DH's fault. If he called you ugly and names etc, that's a whole other story. Context is key here.

Hmm if my DH put on half his body weight I'd probably tell him he's looking fat too. Also he's be snoring more and that would drive me mental
All thos people saying he's unreasonable would you really not say anything if your DH had put on THAT much?

I pay almost zero attention to BMI since it played a part in obsessive weight loss. I could see bones in my shoulders and had no weight on my face - yet because I worked out and built muscle I was only just in the healthy range (24.8). It takes zero account of muscle mass, build or bone density. Please don’t get hung up on it.

Secondly, you need to lose weight for you. Someone telling you to will not work. Only you can make yourself do it. If you want to, write a food diary for a week. Don’t change anything yet. This will help you see where the danger zones are. Literally need to write down everything (including any little picks trom other plates or the fridge). Don’t add calories until the end of the week as this will potentially change your usual behaviour.

I don't do kilos but on conversion 50 kg is 110 lb which is less than 8 stone so I am not sure really what the fuss is about. You are hardly obese. Eating one one or two meals is not good for you so I would not do that just to lose weight. Just focus on a healthy balanced diet so you can look after your baby.

Your husband is rude to call you fat after having a baby so recently. Is he normally so shallow? If your stomach is flabby do some stomach exercises rather than focus on weight and toning them will help with future pregnancies. They take a battering.

Same. I’m a bit taller than OP and 7 kgs lighter and I’m definitely not a size 10 in M&S or anywhere

I agree. Obviously, he should say it nicely, but I would absolutely tell my partner that he was fat if he had gone from a healthy weight to very overweight like OP has.

OP is now 76kg

Apologies I just re read you are now 76 kg and were 50kg. 26kg is a lot to put on so yes to get healthy and avoid that going higher I would lose some weight.

I’m 76kg and 5ft3 - post pregnancy I carried weight completely differently (also c section) and am now in a size 16 which is often snug. I wish I carried it as well as you do - but DH has never mentioned it.

On the flip side my child is 10 now and I never lost it at all, just got slightly bigger each year since. As soon as the child was old enough that I could sleep well, perimenopause started kicking my ass.

It’s entirely possible you’ll put on more weight on top with the next pregnancy. And be even more tired. It just gets easier to not lose weight as each year goes by. I’m absolutely not having a go - just offering myself as a cautionary tale!

It is absolutely worth trying to lose at least some of the weight before TTC/pregnancy OP. By BMI you are at the max of overweight boreering obese and there are health risks associated with that during pregnancy.

Also worth noting that weight loss aids fertility, so the healthier you are the more like you are to conceive and have a healthy pregnancy.

Plus remember if this is weight from baby 1, you are best losing that first rather than adding baby 2 to that weight.

However I’d probably not want another baby with a husband who speaks about my body like this in the first place!

Fascinating because I am the same height and weight as you and I wear 8/10. I do lift weights though, so I guess I have a lot of muscle mass.

Elbow fan?!!!

So your husband got you pregnant which made you put on some weight, is now criticising you for being fat (which you’re not) and you want to have another baby with him?

Please don't use a size ten at Marks as your guide to life. 50kg before was slim but not under weight and 76kg is definitely overweight, and likely to cause longer term increases in health issues. Marks 10 is 14 some places but honestly ignore shop sizes, its not a way to rate your body.

It's fine to just do what you want to do, it's not your husband's decision, but it's better to be honest about where you are and that you are quite overweight. It's normal for us all to gain weight during pregnancy but if you're already 25kg heavier than before your first perhaps your husband is concerned you'll put on the same again, which to be fair would be risky from a health perspective.

You may be trying to be kind, but telling someone they're not overweight when they are, isn't really helpful.