Is there any point of losing weight?

[Thanksforreading]

So DD just turned 3, I’ve struggled with losing weight via c section since getting pregnant. Before pregnancy I was 50kg and I’m 5’3 tall, I’m now 76kg and struggling to eat less, I don’t eat unhealthy, but I follow meals with my toddler on three meals and two snacks. The issue is we would like another baby but DH wants me to lose the weight and be slimmer before we start trying at the end of this year. In my eyes I don’t believe I’m overweight, I just feel like I was too skinny before and he thinks that’s normal. I don’t know should I lose weight before trying for another baby or do that after the next baby? I just feel like it’s such a waste of effort if I’m going to put all the weight on again when pregnant.

DH sounds like a bit of an arse! However, BMI isn't as unreliable as most people on MN think when it's used sensibly. One thing that you don't see much about on MN when people are talking about weight and pregnancy is that overweight/obesity does make anaesthesia in pregnancy more high risk (and for people who've had one CS already then that might be relevant to decision making). 'Higher' doesn't necessarily mean 'very high' of course, but definitely higher than anaesthesia at a more normal weight. As per PPs, clothes sizing doesn't really mean anything anymore.

Yes, dress sizes are meaningless. The OP could check her waist to height ratio instead of bmi but based on her body shape it sounds like this would also indicate she is carrying far excess fat.

www.bhf.org.uk/informationsupport/heart-matters-magazine/medical/measuring-your-waist

Of course but it can’t account for nearly 20kg on a small frame. Your own statistics are not relevant.
But you are right to say OP should try to get to a healthier weight for her own health and not because of what her partner says about her.

I’d take BMI with a pinch of salt. It’s too simple a method, it doesn’t take other things into account. My 12yo DS is 5’9” tall, weighs 10.5 stone and has 11% body fat. On the BMI calculator this makes him unhealthy but he’s all muscle, he plays many sports and weight lifts. BMI is not the holy grail when it comes to telling whether you are unhealthy/overweight.

@Thanksforreading I’d like to see him have a baby and then get back into his pre-pregnancy clothes, it’s so bloody hard and the last thing you need is him telling you that you are fat.

What is it with people expecting our bodies to just bounce back to how they were before pregnancy.

If you want to lose weight, do it for yourself, not because of him.

I think your DH has expressed himself poorly and made it sound like it’s all about how you look and that has made you feel defensive. I think if you were to get pregnant now when you are borderline obese after the next pregnancy you will be probably twice the weight you were before you had any kids. That would be seriously damaging for your petite frame. I think it’s good to talk about how damaging being overweight/obese is, most of the time it stems from overeating which is a disorder.

Yes, you should lose weight before getting pregnant again IMO. Your BMI is right at the top of the Overweight range and bordering on Obese. Get back to a normal weight before getting pregnant.

Ignore the clothing size you wear. Sizing is ridiculous now. I’m the same weight as when I was 18 yet then I wore a Size 12 top from M&S but now I’d be Size 8 there - yet I’m the same weight and same vital statistics. I tried a Size 6 on the other day from a cheap shop and it was too big. This is ridiculous!

You’ll find it a lot easier and a lot healthier if you lose your excess weight before getting pregnant. You’ll also reduce your risk of Gestational Diabetes.

For the vast majority it is a good indicator. Most people aren’t all muscle and no fat and those who are, are well enough educated about their body to know they aren’t obese. It’s not really that helpful to tell a woman who is on the verge of obesity but dressing in vanity sized clothing to not trust her bmi. Sometimes we need that kick up the butt to realise we are damaging our body rather than a bunch of people telling us not to trust the numbers.

Your BMI is not a little high, it’s close to obesity. Your body is currently 50% more than your normal pre pregnancy weight.

Modern sizing like the M&S 10 mean nothing. They increased the sizes because women didn’t want to admit they are really a size 14 or 16.

Which sounds nothing like OP.

Do not have another baby with this man!

based on a short, emaciated 14th century man

What? 😂😂

There are issues with BMI, but I assure you that's not one of them.

The primary problm is that its a 2-dimensional formula applied to a 3-dimensional objective, assuming "average" musculature. So it tends to overestimate fat in tall people and underestimate it in short people, and the further away from average you are, the more the errors compound.

I’m an MandS size 10 and I’m 57kg. 76kg is an average adult weight-including men. This sounds like bullshit.

OP is none of those things though, she is an adult woman who is bordering on obese. It's not helpful to suggest otherwise.

When my bmi was 30 at 5 foot 1 I could still squeeze into some size 8 or 10 dresses, definitely not trousers though. It didn't mean I didn't need to lose weight. My knees were still starting to hurt!

Weight distribution is also worth considering as a health factor. The good thing about the NHS BMI calculator is that it also talks about other ways to measure body weight.

carrying excess weight around one's middle is a health risk.

i definitely agree that losing weight should be about the health benefits and how it makes you feel/quality of life and not because people tell you to.

Your partner seems very happy to voice his opinion. Is he equally happy to take on work around the house/care for the toddler so you have time to exercise? Does he support you in buying and preparing healthy food? If not, tread very carefully - you absolutely do not want to repeat the same pattern after a second pregnancy, this time while running after two DC and having even less time and energy. Him having said what seems like quite a rude thing (you try rebuilding your core strength after being cut down the middle, mate) at least means you can use it to get him to pull his weight, I guess? Silver linings etc.

I’m your height and weigh 62kg and am a size 10 at m&s. Are you sure you weigh 75kg? If it’s just home scales you’re using then check on some in a pharmacy or something that you can be sure of.

honestly, if you do weigh 75kg then you are definitely overweight and that will impact the risks in your next pregnancy.

Also @rainbowunicorn - mate, she's literally wearing size 10 clothes, she's not like, a shut-in or anything.

It is well worth getting to a healthy weight both to minimise pregnancy risks for yourself and for the long term health of your child

https://www.tommys.org/research/research-topics/health-and-wellbeing-research/how-obesity-during-pregnancy-affects-mothers-and-babies

'Miscarriage and stillbirth are more common among women who are obese. When pregnancy does progress, obese mothers-to-be are 3-6 times more likely to have gestational (pregnancy-related) diabetes, and their chances of developing pre-eclampsia are also heightened – both very serious complications which can be life-threatening and raise the risk of premature birth.
Obesity during pregnancy increases the likelihood of babies that are too large at birth, which can lead to problems during labour. Babies born to obese mothers are more likely to grow up to be obese, and will be at higher risk of diabetes and heart problems in their later life.'

It can be worth losing weight as it can help fertility. Anecdotally but whenever I hear women struggle to get pregnant, myself included, losing weight often results in a surprise pregnancy. I was always in the healthy range but losing weight after having my fat vacuum ds, triggered my first natural pregnancy.
It also helped me feel better carrying said pregnancy compared to my first when I ate too much to quell nausea.

Who cares what size you are

I bought a size 8 top yesterday and have got some size 10 trousers. Im a stone overweight!!!! My waist to height ratio is really poor

Please dont make decisions and choices about your and your future baby's health based on a Marks and Spencer clothing label!

I think you need to move away from what your husband says about you and stick to the facts. You are at the high end of overweight. It would be healthier to lose some weight. Dropping the snacks and any UPFs in your diet might be minimally disruptive.
Every woman wants her dh to think she is lovely no matter what her weight is, and for all we know he does think that. I think my dh is lovely irrespective of his weight. But how else can he support you to be healthy (a sign of caring) other than by being honest with you?

Nobody has the right to comment on and criticise your body and make you feel insecure. You need to tell them this kind of talk isn’t acceptable and the impact commenting on people’s weight has on people.

I have 2 exes that made unkind comments when I gained weight. Just bred resentment towards them and they got dropped in favour of someone that actually liked me.

If it’s a health issue then fair enough to approach it in a sensitive way, but just to tell your wife/daughter ‘they look fat’? Not ok.

Your dh should not be telling you to lose weight. I'm not going to make a judgement on whether you are overweight but if you are then of course it would be beneficial to lose some, even if you gain some in pregnancy because of you don't you will gain even more in the next pregnancy and of course being over weight increases risk. What I would mention that no one really hammered home to me is that the second pregnancy does take a greater toll on your body so in preparation you should really work hard on strengthening up those core muscles / pelvic floor etc. It is not as restful second time around because you are looking after baby number 1 and recovery is tougher too. If you do anything then do it for your own health and comfort, not because of anyone else's judgement. I have no idea if your dh is coming from a place of concern for your health or just concern that he is no longer going to have a skinny wife, you are better placed to judge that. If its the latter then do consider whether you actually want a second baby with him. My dh only ever tells me I am beautiful and is in awe of the fact I grew two children for him. You deserved to be loved like that too.