Is there any point of losing weight?

[Thanksforreading]

So DD just turned 3, I’ve struggled with losing weight via c section since getting pregnant. Before pregnancy I was 50kg and I’m 5’3 tall, I’m now 76kg and struggling to eat less, I don’t eat unhealthy, but I follow meals with my toddler on three meals and two snacks. The issue is we would like another baby but DH wants me to lose the weight and be slimmer before we start trying at the end of this year. In my eyes I don’t believe I’m overweight, I just feel like I was too skinny before and he thinks that’s normal. I don’t know should I lose weight before trying for another baby or do that after the next baby? I just feel like it’s such a waste of effort if I’m going to put all the weight on again when pregnant.

Three questions.

1. Do you feel good about yourself? Bearing in mind you literally grew a human that had to be cut out of you?
2. What does your DH look like? Is he an Adonis?
3. What happens if you don't lose weight? Is your DH going to leave you for putting on weight when growing his child?

Forget about vanity. You are overweight for your height. And carrying extra weight in pregnancy will put extra strain on your joints. So it would be sensible to lose say around a stone and a half first.

I’m not - even when I’m very overweight I fit in an M&S size 10

Sizing was deregulated in the 1980s and there was a period of (industry admitted) vanity sizing. And we have the legacy of that in today’s clothing

The old ideas about what sizes ‘mean’ haven’t gone away, but are all-too-often attached to the headline label, not the garment measurements

What is now a 10 could easily have been a 16 before deregulation

In general, being a normal weight is good for conceiving, having a healthy pregnancy and readonably straightforward delivery (and recuperation if C section). Not a guarantee of course, and also pregnancies in overweight even obese women can go just fine. But it does seem sensible to me to try to tip the odds in your own favour

You’ve put on 50% of your body weight, which might be why people are concerned.

I don’t agree with them demanding you lose weight, but it does sound like quite a change.

I never had any problems with my weight even when my dc were young but it then gradually crept up and I cannot shift it and it does present all kinds of health problems. So I would say keep it down as much as you can now because it will only get harder as you age.

Btw I put on 30 kg in pregnancy (!) but lost it all again within a year and never put it back on. I don't think it's just the issue about pregnancy weight gain, losing the weight is a separate issue and needs a healthy diet and an active lifestyle.

Have you heard of different body shapes?

My sister and I have different body shapes. She's like a pear, I'm more hour glass. We can have the same BMI (we are different heights so I'll use that rather than weight) and be totally different sizes.

If I went by my waist alone I'd be a 14¹. Because of my hips I need to size up. Tops can be difficult because I've got a large chest, so for some styles I need to go two sizes up.

My sister however at the same BMI would be a 16 on the bottom because of her shape but a 12 on the top.

Because we're all different.

¹sizes made up but relative to each other.

Me too tbh, I'm 76kg at 5'7 and size 14!

By bmi standards you are a fair bit of overweight to be fair and if you start here and gain more over a second pregnancy it will be extremely difficult to get back to a healthy weight of day 62kg. It's up to you really though, I hope he's saying it kindly in a constructive health focused way though amd not just whining cause you look different

Hi OP. This topic and the way you presented it will always cause polarising answers. The reality is, irrespective of the m&s dress size thing, that you are overweight. "Normal" body shapes have skewed. However… you should only want to reduce weight if YOU want to. Being coerced is not going to work … not sustainably.

There are all sorts of legitimate health benifits for losing weight. The "how" to lose weight is a different topic, but fundamentally comes down to eating less.

M&S cut big though, there size 6 is too big for me but my size 10 stuff from 2001 still fits me.

The vanity sizing is crazy now.

But if you're struggling now to lose it the how will you lose it after the 2nd baby when you've gained another 2 stone?
And yes...it would help your health and pregnancy alot.

Nothing you're saying is about health. You're just deconstructing your body to point out the shape, the dress size and so on. You hadn't even looked up your BMI. Your husband also seems to be concerned only about looks, and your mother. And if he's offered ways to help support you in losing weight then you haven't mentioned them.

Your health is important which is why it's interesting that nobody seems to be prioritising that. It's all about looks and dress sizes.

I won't say what I suspect about your husband (wasn't surprised that your mother got in on it too) but I echo PPs that if you do lose weight it needs to be for you. Tbh if your husband is what I suspect he is then I'd be seriously considering whether having another child is a good idea at all.

I personally think it’s good to go into a pregnancy in peak form, and judging by your bmi you’re not there at the moment.

I am 5 9 and weigh 63kg ( 10 stone) I’m a size 10
in marks. I can get in an 8 but I don’t as I prefer a lower fit . I don’t mean to be rude but M&S and Next are huge . I am a 12 in Zara and H&M !
but that’s not the point.

I put on 49 pounds ( 23kg) with dd1 and the day I had lost it all I started trying to conceive number 2. It was a year of waking and healthy eating and yoga but I lost it . Then I promised myself I would be strict during dexonf pregnancy!!! I gained 60 pounds ( 27kg!) second time and I have just lost it. DS is one on 3 days !!!!!! It was not easy to lost the last 10 pounds but again I walked , healthy eating and a little yoga and honestly it came off slowly and steady !

Pregnanxy with a child already is so so hard and O much harder than the first time as you can’t lay down and relax as you have a small person .

I realize I am a big gainer in pregnancy.
I just need to eat! So I’m so Proud I lost the weight in between or I would have had about 8 stone to lose After number 2 !

But I would have killed DH if he called me fat. That’s out of order. You have to want to do it for you and your little ones.
Don’t kick the can down the road . I would say lose 10kg. For your little one , for you , for the new baby . You will have such a better experience of pregnancy. Be honest with yourself. What are you really eating ? Snacks ? Exercise ? If you can’t lose it now it won’t be easier when you have two and are extremely exhausted and have even less
time.

I would go for a 10kg loss and then re evaluate .
Do it for the children and for an easier pregnancy and not for your DH!!!!

OP, I mean this kindly, you are clearly in denial about your weight.

Your pre pregnancy weight was at the lower end of the healthy BMI range for your height. You have since put on over 50% of your previous total body weight, which is a very significant amount, especially if you are quite short and less able to carry extra weight well. I weighed 76kg when I was 9 months pregnant and I am 3 inches taller than you. The most I've ever weighed when not pregnant was 72kg which tipped me into the overweight category at 5'6.

M&S are well known for vanity sizing. At your height and a healthy weight you should be able to fit into an 8 in M&S, or even a 6.

I would head over to the weight loss chat on here and ask for some advice. You need to work out how many calories you burn each day based on your age, sex, height and weight (which will be less than you think) and then eat 500 calories a day less than that in order to start losing weight.

It's not nice to hear but your DH is right. You don't need to lose it all before getting pregnant again but you do need to start prioritising your health.

You’ve come on a forum looking for options so here is mine.

26kg is a LOT of additional weight. Before anybody slams me- pick up a 20kg weight in bag and carry in around with you for the day. Obviously if the 26kg you’ve put on is muscle then this is different but it doesn’t sound like it.

However you look at it, carrying additional weight is a strain on your internal organs and skeleton. Pregnancy is also a strain on your internal organs and body in general. Generally speaking, pregnancy and recovery will carry less risk if you are in a healthy weight range.

M&S sizing is not a good way to determine of you are of a healthy weight or not. my 5'3 talk and 50 kg DD cannot find anything at m&s as their sizing is off and even size 8s are far too big. Your BMI borders obese. It's not a not a good starting point for a pregnancy and not healthy at all in any case.

4kg is 16 packets of butter. That's quite a big difference.

Same!

@MissScarletInTheBallroom

It's not nice to hear but your DH is right.

No, he's not. He hasn't said he's worried about her health. He said he thinks she looks fat.

Everyone would benefit from being the healthy weight for their height. But they should do it for their own health, not because a man says they're fat.

76kg at 5ft 3 is very overweight, you would be obese if you put on just one kilogram. Half your body weight is a frightening amount to gain in pregnancy, and your weight must have been even higher just before birth. 10 to 12.5kg is recommended and much of this is the baby and placenta etc so will be lost after giving birth. I'm not surprised he wants you to get healthy before another pregnancy.

Except he hasn't said he wants her to get healthy. He said he thinks she looks fat.

Are packs of butter an official unit of measure now? :)

I weighed earlier.. lost a whole pack of butter!- Yep, needs to be a thing :)

Exactly.

And this is funny, because while it's possible to have a gentle and kind conversation about health, it's also possible just to be a rampant bodyshamer. But bodyshamers do usually try to validate it by pretending they are genuinely concerned about health. Interesting that nobody here seems to be putting that veneer on and I'm wondering just how comfortable everyone is with telling OP they think she looks awful.

I'm sorry but if my husband said that I would stand in front of him a shove several cream buns in my mouth.