Is there any point of losing weight?

[Thanksforreading]

So DD just turned 3, I’ve struggled with losing weight via c section since getting pregnant. Before pregnancy I was 50kg and I’m 5’3 tall, I’m now 76kg and struggling to eat less, I don’t eat unhealthy, but I follow meals with my toddler on three meals and two snacks. The issue is we would like another baby but DH wants me to lose the weight and be slimmer before we start trying at the end of this year. In my eyes I don’t believe I’m overweight, I just feel like I was too skinny before and he thinks that’s normal. I don’t know should I lose weight before trying for another baby or do that after the next baby? I just feel like it’s such a waste of effort if I’m going to put all the weight on again when pregnant.

Killingoffmyflowersonebyone

Your first example sites a tall particularly muscular wrestler, but we have all acknowledged that there are outliers for whom BMI is an inaccurate measure. It doesn’t apply to the majority of people (it doesn’t even apply to the majority of wrestlers!).

You second link just says we shouldn’t rely on BMI alone which, again we can all agree on.

Do you think it's completely unacceptable to worry about your OH's health? I'm assuming if OP suddenly changed in other ways (losing loads of weight, needing way more sleep, seeming depressed etc) then everyone would think it right for the DH to raise it as a health concern. But just because it's a touchy subject he should say absolutely nothing? What if she then gets diabetes or is diagnosed with a severe thyroid issue or even a brain tumor (unlikely, I know, but in rare cases can lead to weight gain)? Or there are complications in the second pregnancy that affect the child's health? I think it's perfectly reasonable to raise the issue so that then the OP can make an informed choice.

I’m not keen on his attitude. Think it’s quite unusual for a man to pass remark like that in a healthy relationship. I’m not sure if I’d want to be having another child with him.
That said your bmi is nudging up to 30 so you def do need to lose weight no matter what marks and Spencer size you’re in

Yep, it is like a lot of things on here. Someone links to a dodgy "research" paper and before you know it decades of proper evidence and research just don't matter anymore.😂

Oh, thought they had quite decent sizes - not unreasonably small!

I have had this same experience recently when clearing out the loft. Some clothes that I had put away just in case were nowhere near what the current equivalent size is. So many people rely on a clothing label to decide if someone is overweight. I have stuff that I wear regularly ranging from a size 10 to a size 18 and it all fits.

For goodness sake. This post just makes you look a bit dim to be honest. There is nothing to suggest anyone is pressuring the OP. She does need to lose weight as being pregnant when obese is dangerous for mother and baby.

I think the point is that since the 1960s when the item in question was made a size 12 is very much larger now than it was then. It's not that this item was particularly small. It is probably what a size 12 really should be. A size 12 now is more like a 16 in many shops.

Pushing someone into making a change rarely works. My dh has been very overweight in the past. I have never raised the issue as I didn’t need to. He was fully aware that he was overweight but for many reasons wasn’t ready to make a change. Raising the issue would have achieved nothing except to make him feel bad.

Last year dh decided that he wanted to lose weight and be healthier. I have continued to support that without comment and he‘s now at an ideal weight. I am very proud of him but fundamentally it changes nothing. I loved him then and I still love him now.

I used to drink, probably too much at times. I’m sure dh used to worry but he never said anything (dh rarely drinks). I was fully aware of the health implications of drinking every weekend but I liked it so I carried on. I recently made the choice to stop drinking without input from anyone because I know that my health will improve without alcohol. I can almost guarantee that if dh was constantly ‘raising it as a health concern’ would have dug my heels in and continued.

People aren’t stupid, they are generally aware of the ways they could improve their health. Support will be far more beneficial than nagging to lose weight,

The first article says that BMI makes shorter people thinner than they are (which is also my experience as a short, petite-built woman) so adjusting it would put OP firmly in the obese category, not the other way round.

It seemed to be the main point of your post. She hasn't had children and lost the weight before. She hasn't seen a doctor. She didn't even check her BMI.

He thinks I look fat

It seems that he is far more concerned about how she looks than her health. And if he is actually concerned there are far better ways to support her than making her feel bad about herself.

Pushing someone to change when they are not ready will not help. Op will only lose weight if she actively wants to and it seems like she is happy with herself as she is. I argue that her self esteem is far more important than her weight and he doesn’t seem to give a shit about that so I stand by what I said.

Except the OP sounds like she believes she's at a normal weight. So raising the topic (which is very different to "pushing" someone) makes sense to me. There's also the issue of the potential pregnancy. I think it's fair for the DH to be concerned about the health implications for his wife and his child. If he ends up repeatedly nagging then sure, that is counterproductive and possibly cruel (depending on reasoning/approach), but it shouldn't be a taboo topic imo. If you can't talk about your concerns within a marriage, that doesn't sound too promising.

Edited to add: I was living very unhealthily a decade ago but never really thought about it. Then one day I decided to check my BMI and realised I was into the obese category. It woke me up and led me to make changes. If a family member had kindly pointed out my weight gain before I reached that stage, I would have appreciated it

This whole thread has shown people are stupid. People are using a manufacturers clothing label to determine health markers

Thats how stupid people are

Exactly. The OP in this case did not think she was overweight at all because she was in a size 10 M&S dress. The facts are OP is very overweight about to tip into obese despite that size 10 dress.

As far as I can see he hasn’t actually mentioned the health implications. He has however told the op that he thinks she looks fat. I also can’t seem to see anything in the op’s comments about the advice or support he has offered to help her to lose weight.

I agree that in a marriage you should be able to talk about anything, but I think you should also treat your partner with kindness and protect their self esteem as much as their health. I don’t think this man is doing that.

We're hearing about this through OP's pov. Her first post said "The issue is we would like another baby but DH wants me to lose the weight and be slimmer before we start trying at the end of this year." She doesn't explicitly mention whether his reasoning is health or looks. It definitely is connected to the pregnancy, however, so I think giving him the benefit of the doubt is fair.

Just like women TTC are encouraged to stop smoking, take vitamins etc they are also encouraged to have a healthy level of body fat (too low is also problematic). Is protecting your partner's self esteem more important than protecting their health and the health of your child? I don't think so, but I guess we'll have to agree to disagree.

I agree with this. I think people get a bit deluded by dress size. You could be in a size ten dress but be carrying a massive amount of weight on your legs which wouldn’t effect the dress. Nicola Coughlan apparently wears a ten but I suspect her bmi is way above the healthy mark

A UK 10 or a US 10 though?

Come on OP, tell us your bust-waist-hips measurements.
Largest-smallest-largest.

Dresses can be quite forgiving. Could you fit in size 10 jeans OP? Tummy weight is the most unhealthy kind.

If it’s M&S it will be a U.K.10 though at OPs weight and height is hard to see how she’d fit a 10 even if sizes have got bigger (comparing with myself here). Perhaps the first thing OP should do is check her scales.

Now I really don’t think that would be appropriate!

How many of us are rugby players or top class athletes?
For the average person a BMI measurement does provide a reasonable guide.

So yes, it is bullshit for those people, but not for most of us.

I meant when people talk about Nicola Coughlan being a size 10.