Is there any point of losing weight?

[Thanksforreading]

So DD just turned 3, I’ve struggled with losing weight via c section since getting pregnant. Before pregnancy I was 50kg and I’m 5’3 tall, I’m now 76kg and struggling to eat less, I don’t eat unhealthy, but I follow meals with my toddler on three meals and two snacks. The issue is we would like another baby but DH wants me to lose the weight and be slimmer before we start trying at the end of this year. In my eyes I don’t believe I’m overweight, I just feel like I was too skinny before and he thinks that’s normal. I don’t know should I lose weight before trying for another baby or do that after the next baby? I just feel like it’s such a waste of effort if I’m going to put all the weight on again when pregnant.

Exactly this! Shops are full of volumous dresses, shirts, shapeless baggy shirts and blouses. I recently had to go down 2 sizes in New Look for a shirt so that it didn't swamp me.

Being obese during pregnancy increases the risk of miscarriage, premature labour, gestational diabetes, high blood pressure and pre eclampsia. It also has further risks to the baby that can be life long. A baby born to an obese mother is likely to be higher than normal birthweight and far more likely to be an obese adult. Given all of that why should the husband not get a say?

Was anyone surprised that she has a mother who comments on her body and then married a man who did the same thing?

Except when OP married, presuming it was before she conceived, she was a very slim woman. So it is unlikely her mother would have commented. Neither would be commenting now if OP hadn’t put on so much weight. And in such a short timeframe. I would certainly be shocked enough to comment if DS did this.

Def concentrate on the health implications and not how much of a dick the OH is being!
Not wanting to lose weight because you will just put more on when pregnant sounds like a slippery slope to giving up caring about it altogether. The health risks previously stated are very real and being a lower weight would help avoid them.

Fair enough, but is that the only point you're picking up on?

This is my experience as well. I had my children in two different European countries and at the first prenatal appointments my weight and diet were always discussed in a factual manner. At subsequent appointments they always weighed me. Had I gained more than the expected 8-12 kilos, I would probably get some serious chat.
I had to undergo glucose challenge test in my second pregnancy because my dad has type 2 diabetes. I was the only non-overweight pregnant woman at my test as the high BMI women got these tests as standard.

I think it's actually getting worse in the UK. I had a friend telling me about another friend being told by the GP that she was obese. This was said in a shocked fashion as if the GP had done something wrong. The woman in question was lucky as to where she carried the weight. Her waist was still slim so it would have been a lower health risk than expected at that bmi, but I was not surprised that she was obese. She has since lost some weight and looks healthier and happier.

I think the way it can be spoken about more openly in some other countries is much better.

The obesity problem is causing the shops to stock oversize items though. No point stocking clothes that won’t sell.

Yes its good business for them certainly.

Im just shocked really, perhaps I shouldnt be, at how many people equate the label in their knickers with health markers. A size 10? Oh well Im fine and dandy. No matter that my actual measurements are those of a size 16.

I think you have that the wrong way round. It applies to over 90% of the population. Obviously there will be outliers eg weighlifters, proper athletes etc but the vast majority of the population don't come under either of those so it does apply. It's only on mumsnet that I see this utter denial.

How is it bullshit, what is it about your bmi and apparently that of every person you know that is wrong?

The OP has said nothing about how her husband has addressed her weight. That he wants her to lose weight before next pregnancy and that she's looking a bit fat is written in OP's words. There's a massive difference in saying "you've gained weight in a short amount of time and I'm worried about the health implications" compared to "you're fat and I don't fancy you anymore". From the context of second pregnancy etc, it seems the DH is approaching it more from the first perspective.

In any case, it sounds to me like a lot of posters are definitely in denial about their own weight and health. The UK has a higher obesity rate than most European countries. Looking around you can think "oh I'm just like everyone else" but everyone else is also unhealthy.

I say this as someone whose BMI reached the obese category. That was what woke me up to my own bad habits.

https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/265215#An-example-of-the-biggest-flaw-in-using-BMI

https://www.yalemedicine.org/news/why-you-shouldnt-rely-on-bmi-alone#:~:text=BMI%20has%20been%20criticized%20as,who%20has%20much%20less%20muscle.

BMI is useful, but it is not accurate or a valid way of telling if someone is healthy or not. Any decent doctor or nurse would say likewise. And arm-chair experts (likely the same people who are 'Russia-Ukraine' experts, or 'Middle East' experts or 'COVID-19' experts) need to stop preaching about BMI and BMR as though they are accurate. Every measure of fitness and health has its limitations.

OP may well be overweight. But if she is happy and not a drain on the NHS then that's her businesses - not ours. The fat-shamers on this thread need to get a grip as I doubt they're the pinnacle of health either.

@rainbowunicorn about a decade ago some researcher came out and said BMI isn’t always related to obesity because rugby players have BMIs in the 30s and aren’t carrying a load of fat and muscle is heavier than fat. I think that paved the way for some to conveniently say BMI is bullshit.

The fat-shamers on this thread need to get a grip as I doubt they're the pinnacle of health either.

No one is suggesting the OP should feel shame.

At that weight you are very, very close to obese for your height.

I don’t think it’s a bad idea to get to a healthy weight before another pregnancy. Your pregnancy risks are increased if overweight or obese.

BMI isn't an exact measure of health, agreed. But it gives a rough indication. So the difference between a BMI of 23 or 24 is probably negligible. But the difference between 23 and 33 is still something to sit up and take note of. Then you can do extra measurements such as height to weight ratio, measure your belly fat with calipers, even get a body fat percentage scan done. Or hey, just look in the mirror and be brutally honest with yourself.

Honesty (especially to yourself) is not cruelty. You can be honest and realise you're obese, but decide it's not worth making changes or you simply don't want to. That's fine, everyone has to decide that in their own. But what I find alarming is that so many people, the OP included based on her description, think that they are at a normal weight with no extra health risks. If you're in denial, then you can't make an informed decision.

@rainbowunicorn @AhBiscuits im a size 12 in modern clothes. Yesterday I found a lovely, pristine 1960s size 12 cotton dress in a charity shop. Tried it on full of hope, could I get into it? Could I heck - I couldn’t close the buttons on it, I reckon it would have fitted a current size 8.

OP may well be overweight. But if she is happy and not a drain on the NHS then that's her businesses - not ours.

Well she did ask. It's not like telling someone unsolicited.

Can you say what shop it came from? While M&S had has always had generous sizing, other shops sizes were very neat. When I was young M&S clothes were too big for me but under 8 stone, a size 10 Laura Ashley was too small. Heaven knows who it would actually have fitted!

Yeah?
I was wandering why most of the stuff looks like a F ing gate and nothing fits.

Hi yes it was “California Cotton” by Richard Shops.

No one has claimed BMI directly tells you whether someone is healthy or not.

But it largely gets it right to say whether someone is overweight, underweight or obese/morbidly obese and those categories are often huge markers for health, good or otherwise.

Its complete denial (in whose interest I do not know) to say otherwise

If you are happy with your lself then tell him to fuck off. The only dead weight you need to lose is this knobber. He shouldn’t be trying to push you into changing yourself. Even if you did need to lose weight, pressuring you is hardly going to lead to success.

Don't think of it as going on a diet to lose all the weight think of it was getting your body ready for your next pregnancy, so eating healthy, getting your steps up and limiting unhealthy snacks as opposed to cutting calories or chasing the scale. Getting your self into good shape for pregnancy isn't the worst idea but then fixating on getting into a certain size doesn't seem a priority either especially when you are deep in your baby years!