Is there any point of losing weight?

[Thanksforreading]

So DD just turned 3, I’ve struggled with losing weight via c section since getting pregnant. Before pregnancy I was 50kg and I’m 5’3 tall, I’m now 76kg and struggling to eat less, I don’t eat unhealthy, but I follow meals with my toddler on three meals and two snacks. The issue is we would like another baby but DH wants me to lose the weight and be slimmer before we start trying at the end of this year. In my eyes I don’t believe I’m overweight, I just feel like I was too skinny before and he thinks that’s normal. I don’t know should I lose weight before trying for another baby or do that after the next baby? I just feel like it’s such a waste of effort if I’m going to put all the weight on again when pregnant.

Yeah, I'm 5'8" and at 75kg I'm at the upper end of the acceptable BMI for my height.

I'm definitely not a size 10.

I disagree that it is nasty to comment about an observable indicator of health. I would say it's the same as telling someone they look tired. I think this 'shaming' has gotten ridiculous when an observation is made with no suggestion that the person should feel shame.

Lol, no there isn’t. Huge swathes of posters here advocate for competitive slimness amongst women with a generous shovel of fat shaming thrown on top. You’ll find some posters who swing the other way, but they’re really not the norm.

Well to be fair I was thinking rather longer term than just how long mumsnet has been around, I meant for the last couple of hundred years, its also a cultural thing as others have set out, in other countries people are much more factual about it we have family in Spain and health professionals and family members are much more able to have those conversations

I disagree that in Western Europe we don't comment on people's looks except to say they look nice. In this country it's slightly taboo to mention if someone's fat. However I have friends and family from many other countries in western Europe and they most definitely comment if someone's put on weight! It's often quite a big topic of conversation "Oh, look at you. You're getting a fat belly. You should eat less" etc.
And certainly between husband and wife you can discuss these things. If my DH puts on weight I tell him because I worry about him! He would also tell me.

But "fat" is not an observation. "Overweight" is. There's a difference.

And it's not a new thing. It has been this way my entire life and I am not young.

I also have friends and family from other countries in Western Europe and they wouldn't negatively comment on someone's appearance.

being a size 'anything' means nothing; sizes vary so much between manufacturers. if you are in a size 10 at 76kg, there is something wrong with the sizing, because some of us would be in negative size numbers on that basis

Your post makes no sense. Fat is overweight, thats the category. Adipose tissue for the medics. Fat for the layman.

Fat is an observation.

I really think people are trying to pussy foot and skirt round such an obvious issue, not necessarily for the OP< none of us have sight of her but in general in society. God forbid anyone suggest that someone is overweight/fat whatever you want to call it.
Even as a nurse or GP you cant say it now.

I'm out of this post. So many people trying to make out it's fine to call someone fat. It's fine to hurt someones feelings as long as you're being honest, hey?

I'm glad none of you are in my life.

Overweight is not an observation unless you know someone's weight and height. Someone could easily be overweight by bmi and not look it if they have a high muscle mass. Excess fat can easily be seen. I have had excess fat myself whilst not being overweight as I have a small build, I looked fat.

Why would or should their feelings be hurt? You're the one clearly implying and suggesting there is a judgement value to it.

And its not just 'someone' is it, its her partner, the one she is planning another child with, so presumably there are future health planning implications for that as well as the basic discussions they have with each other about things like that.

No one has run up to the OP to say 'you're fat' in as an insult have they. No one is suggesting that on this thread either so you dont have to go into amateur dramatics about how you're pleased none of us are in your life.

This is the danger of vanity sizing. I find M and S clothes much much bigger than other brands, other than supermarkets and Primark. People can buy some nice floaty dresses from M and S, tell themselves they are a size 10, and go around feeling healthy and telling themselves they don’t need to lose weight.

Weight is only one part of being healthy of course. But at that height and weight, there is little chance of OP not being overweight.

But her husband sounds like a dick by focussing on her looks. OP who knows how long it will take ttc. And being overweight can reduce fertility I think. Start making some healthy changes now.

I don’t think anyone who can fit into a size 10 is at all overweight.

I am short and petite and would be overweight at size 10. Unlike my taller friends. I can’t believe people don’t understand about weight related to height and body shape.

I got plump as a teenager by eating way too much crap but everyone did the British thing of not mentioning it and telling me I was gorgeous. It wasn't until my mum said "I think you should lose a little weight." that I actually took it seriously. Yes it hurt, yes I felt embarrassed, yes of course I already knew I was too heavy - but the fact my mum sat me down to have a serious conversation about my weight, made me realise it was an issue and I should do something. I improved my diet, I exercised, I lost weight. I really don't think the silence surrounding weight in this country is a good thing.
My MIL tells my DH to lose weight every time she sees him. She's from another country where people talk openly about weight. Whenever there's a family gathering they spend the first five minutes cheerfully discussing who's put on weight! I think if everyone talks about it openly then it actually becomes less embarrassing and taboo.

I agree vanity sizes and floaty dresses can hide a multitude of lumps and bumps.

But we have no idea what the DH actually said or where he's coming from. But he's not wrong saying the Op should try to loose a bit of weight before having another baby- for both her health and that of the baby

I'm the exactly same height and weight and yes I can buy and fit into size 10 M&S but my actual measurements put me at a size 16 and my bmi is obese.

You really can't judge your size on shop bought clothes. I have size 8 dress from hush that fits me!!

@blackandwhitestripes where do you carry your weight?

I'm a little heavier and carry on my front. I'm an M&S 16

Totally agree with your first point but OP isn’t actually 4 stone overweight; she has just gained 4 stone from having been very slim. Losing 2 stone would put her well back to a healthy range.

This! I’m the same height as OP and at BMI 23 I started having joint issues, feet pain and I definitely looked overweight. If anything, the BMI is very generous for small women.

Many studies into life expectancy and health expectancy point at the so-called lean BMI which is 18-22 as the optimal range.

Losing 2 stone would put her just back to a healthy range, she is 12 stone, 10 stone would be a bmi of 24.8.

Ok, my mistake, yes 2 stone overweight, so not such a huge task

Because mumsnet has a core group of women that hate men. Ccording to them verything will always be the man's fault. Men are not allowed opinions on anything to do with women. It is tedious especially when they are giving out bad advice just so that they can make the man the bad guy.

Well if you're familiar with the world we actually live in, you'll know that for most people it's extremely hurtful and for women it's often the first insult someone goes for if they want to wound her, even if she's not actually fat. Honestly, you can't pretend that you have no idea why people don't like being called fat in our society. Perhaps it should just be a neutral descriptor but everyone knows that it frequently isn't. Give me a break.

Unless OP is leaving out a lot of information, her husband appears to be entirely motivated by her appearance and has not offered to take their child more so she can exercise or help with planning and cooking healthier meals, nor eating them with her.

It's not ok just to call someone fat - your own wife! - and then bugger off all self satisfied because you've done such a great job telling them something they almost certainly know (OP gained four stone on a small frame - she knows!!) and now you can just carry on as before and leave them to it.

Was anyone surprised that she has a mother who comments on her body and then married a man who did the same thing?

BMI is extremely outdated (based on a short, emaciated 14th century man

Utter nonsense.
Phrases like this are usually trotted out by people in denial of their weight.