Is there any point of losing weight?

[Thanksforreading]

So DD just turned 3, I’ve struggled with losing weight via c section since getting pregnant. Before pregnancy I was 50kg and I’m 5’3 tall, I’m now 76kg and struggling to eat less, I don’t eat unhealthy, but I follow meals with my toddler on three meals and two snacks. The issue is we would like another baby but DH wants me to lose the weight and be slimmer before we start trying at the end of this year. In my eyes I don’t believe I’m overweight, I just feel like I was too skinny before and he thinks that’s normal. I don’t know should I lose weight before trying for another baby or do that after the next baby? I just feel like it’s such a waste of effort if I’m going to put all the weight on again when pregnant.

4 stone is over 25KG. That would make OP underweight by your argument.

Forgive me if I can’t take you seriously when you’re advocating for someone to be unhealthily skinny.

OP says she has put on 25 kg, thats right. Perhaps have a modicum of understanding of what you're talking about.

2 stone overweight. 4 stone heavier than her prepregnancy normal.

There always the assumption on here that if a man puts weight on, it's because he's lazy, but a woman can't help it- especially if she's had kids.

I'm 5'9 and usually between 68 and 70kg. 70 is heavy for me and I'd be looking to sort myself out. I would expect my dh to tell me if I was getting bigger and hadn't noticed. Just like I do with him.

Sigh @Killingoffmyflowersonebyone
BMI is a useful took for about 90% of the population. Most of us aren't bodybuilders or athletes at the top of our game, so I would suggest that BMI means very little to about 10% of the population.

I gained about 3 stone in the 2 years after my DS was born from my ore pregnancy weight. It wasn't due to having a baby, I had let myself eat and drink too much. I was able to lose most of it before becoming pregnant again. It's down to eating too much and not exercising enough after several years.

Yes but I think its fair to say that having a child takes focus away from self care, sometimes, not always. Its very hard.

Its ok, but I think in OPs mind, she is defensive about that, and people are jumping on to back her up, Im not sure why, nothing wrong in saying 'Im making mistakes here and its not good for me'.

We wouldnt be like this with any other issue, alchohol, drugs, gambling etc

Yes, it means you are concerned with how they look. There's been nothing about health and nothing about supporting her in weight loss.

I've been very restrained in what I've said about her husband and mother (how did we know she had a mother who was the same as well!) but you don't get any brownie points for telling someone they look fat. That is obvious, useless, and the kind of thing people do when they want to register disapproval and feel good because they've "done something", but it involves no care, no support and no interest in health.

Based on your height and weight - yes, for both a healthier body/you and pregnancy/baby.

Your husband is a prick though if he calls you fat :)

I think you need to brush up on your definition of body shaming.

Telling someone they look fat, whether factual or not, is shaming them for how they look. The word "fat" is very emotive, particularly for women, and the majority of women will take it to mean they look bad to you. It's a very negative way to speak to someone.

"I'm worried about your health, you've put on some weight and it wouldn't be the best thing for you to get pregnant and gain more right now" is totally different to "you need to lose weight, you look fat".

You can dress it up all you want, but that's the reality. Yes, OP probably could do with losing weight for her health. No, her husband who is supposed to love her should not be saying she looks fat.

Me too, I’m 5-11 and 76kg and size 12-14 !!

Bodyshaming is relation to someone carrying excess fat would be saying something negative about them carrying the fat, not just that you've noticed they are carrying too much. It is saying something that suggests they should feel shame. People can choose to see the word fat as emotive or not.

Perhaps people would prefer the word adipose then

Ive had that said about me by doctors countless times, I suppose that is the techinical term. You appear to be carrying a large amount of adipose tissue.

Plenty of women can squeeze into a size 10 M&S dress but that doesn't necessarily make them a size 10.

Clothing like trousers with zips and buttons are a better test!

You're still justifying it. You know the majority of women would be upset if their partner said they look fat. It is not a nice thing to say to anyone. Regardless of your weak arguments.

How she looks is all they can notice. Like if someone has bags under their eyes and look like they aren't sleeping then you can only comment on what you see as you can't feel how they are feeling. They likely don't know her weight and won't know her blood test results or other markers of health.

What makes it 'not nice'? My SE Asian friends would say it and not mean to shame and I see it in a similar way.

i’m 5 foot four and weigh 10 stone M&S clothes size 12.

The problem is that to say that someone is fat, is now seen as an insult rather than simply a fact

Somone is tall, someone is short, someone is white, someone is black, someone is overweight (ie fat), someone is underweight (ie skinny)

These are factual statements and one can choose to take something from it if they wish.

I am fat, it really is just a state of being at the moment. Not forever I hope

And by the way something surprised me a few months back, renewing my travel insurance I was pleased to tell her that since last year I had come out of the obese category (the year before I told them I had come out of the morbidly obese category), she says to me oh thats great but I still have to put one of your medical conditions as obesity as this will be in place for 2 years even after you are no longer obese

So thats in black and white on my policy even though Im not obese anymore. I now have to wait 2 years for that to no longer be a medical condition on my policy.

Because in our culture, it is deemed as a negative way to look.

And if someone had bags under their eyes and you commented anything other than "oh you look tired today, are you ok?", it would also be considered negative.

In Western Europe, we do not comment on people's looks unless to tell them they look nice. Anything else is considered an insult.

But you know that and are just trying to justify being nasty about someone by pretending it's caring.

Husbands should be honest and truthful especially when talking about extending a family

And if our culture became less deceitful we may end up healthier in the long run as denial and refusing to act because you are offended would no longer be ok

I have no opinion on whether you ‘should’ lose weight, but just to say M&S sizing is incredibly generous. I’m a 6/8 in their clothes but I am absolutely not a size 6/8! (Realistically I’m a 12 on top and 10 on bottom).

The problem is that to say that someone is fat, is now seen as an insult rather than simply a fact

What's this "now" as if it's some new development?

For as long as anyone on this board has been alive, it's been seen as a negative and that's putting it lightly. It's not a new thing at all.

To tell someone they're fat, without any discussion of health or tact, or any willingness to actually do something to help them, is not a neutral act stating a neutral fact and nobody actually believes that it is.

Personally I don't see the point at all. A lot of PPs claim that people are in denial but in my experience, fat people do generally know they are fat and don't need to be told. Throwing what is generally considered an insult, despite disingenuous people pretending that they don't know that, is not helpful. The only purpose is to make a person feel good that they've "been honest" and now they don't have to do anything else like take the child so she can exercise or change eating habits together.

But there's being honest then there's being nasty.

You're overweight at the moment and a pregnancy will be easier on you if you were a healthier weight. Honest and factual, and caring.

You look fat Honest and truthful but hurtful.

Ways and means.

I have a vision of the sort of couple …