To not support 17 year old DS in getting a car?

[TrickStan]

DH and DS are both badgering me about getting him driving for his 17th birthday. I completely disagree.

We’ve costed lessons, a cheap but decent car and insurance and it is already looking at around £7k. Although we do have that money, we are currently also trying to redecorate and redo areas of our house and garden, we aren’t quite sure of costings yet.

My main issue with it, aside from the up front cost, is that I do not want to fund the ongoing costs of another car. We already have two between DH and I, and I can already foresee DS coming to us asking for petrol money, insurance, MOT, servicing, repairs (which let’s face it, on an older car is quite likely!) I didn’t get a car until I had a proper ‘adult’ job, had left education and could afford all costs. I’ve said he could do lessons and his test, then think about a car once he’s finished college but he’s moaning.

Their solution is that DS will get a job. But, as I’ve explained to them both, he might find keeping a job and doing his A Levels plus social life a struggle… also all of his earnings would be going on the car! When I pointed this out to DH, he said that DS can just sell the car if he can’t afford it, which I think is ridiculous and will only lead to DS being more upset than if he hadn’t had the car in the first place.

AIBU to think a car for most 17 year olds is pretty silly? We do not live rurally. We are within walking distance of a train and we have access to buses. Plus we have never been tight about giving him / his friends lifts.

This doesn't really prove anything. Even with a good instructor, your daughter could have taken to driving quickly or gotten lucky on test day.

The problem with anecdotes like yours is that they can lead to unrealistic estimates. When the research shows that a lot of hours are perfectly normal. Passing the test isn't just about driving ability (which differs between people) , it's also about conditions of the day. So many people get so nervous, for example they make a silly mistake during the exam despite driving perfectly a couple of hours before. Or face challenging conditions, while their peers have clear roads.

Of course if OP's DS passes with very few hours, it's brilliant. But the longer hours should be planned for.

My DS and the majority of his friends work. Alongside lots of other young people. Seem most manage.

67 hours is completely unrealistic. Between DD’s friends + the many other new driver teens in our circle I have never heard of anyone taking anywhere near that long apart from anecdotes of very nervous adults on MN. The vast majority of 17/18 year olds pass after around 30 lessons according to DD’s instructor

Fair enough.

This: DH and DS are both badgering me about getting him driving for his 17th birthday. I completely disagree sounds like you disagree with 'getting him driving' i.e. getting him a licence. I must have misinterpreted it.

Sorry I've not read the whole thread. What number of hours lessons should be planned for if you don't have a car for them to practice in, please?

I'm paying for 10 lessons and then my DS also has some birthday money to put towards lessons. The rest he'll fund himself.

I wish everyone thought the same as you OP.

Do you mind telling me how long the lessons are usually for? And how much you paid for them?

No, you're not and it's completely normal for them to work at that age.

DD and her friends found working at AS level alright but in final year when the pressure intensifies it just was not doable, the school also advised against it. Most of them were working on 4 STEM A levels along with UCAS applications, entrance exams, interviews etc. DD would’ve had to give up sleeping and any chance at socialing to work. Not a healthy way for a 17 year old to live when parents are more than able to provide financial support in an often turbulent + stressful final school year.

My dd paid for everything herself, she had a weekend job from 16yo and paid for all her own lessons.

She passed her test just after her 18th bday and had enough money in her child trust fund (plus money she had saved up) to buy a little car.

Lessons plus test came to around £800, small car plus insurance £5k.

I would suggest telling your Ds it's fine if he wants to drive but he needs to work out how he's going to pay for it.

Hour long, weekly lessons at £40.

@stressedespresso interesting. DD’s school encourage part time work and dd is taking sciences at A level. I certainly worked through my a levels and now through my masters.

I am at the same place. We are paying for lessons for our 17 yr old now. Have said we will buy and insure him a small engine car as long as he buys the petrol to run it. We will absorb any maintenance etc. He also doesn’t want to work during A levels so until he does he won’t get the car but will have passed his test (hopefully/eventually) and be ready to go when he wants to get a job. I might consider putting him on my insurance for my car but it’s a 2.0l 4x4 so am not keen. I’d rather buy him a small engine cheap (disposable) car, in case he bangs it up.

But at 17 A levels will have already started so how is it possible to pass your driving test before 6th form?

You don't owe your kid a car and the related costs. Please ignore the people here that are saying it's an 'essential part of parenting' etc. It is not.

It's nice that you're offering to pay for lessons. That's more than sufficient, imo.

The poster means before he sat the actual exams.

I started learning to drive at 22 when I was earning. I paid for all my own lessons and my own car when I passed. I don’t understand the rush to learn as soon as you’re 17. Unless you live rurally.

I totally agree with buying him lessons & test for his birthday - that’s what I plan on doing with my DS’s.
However, buying/running a car, nope! Unless they have a job how can they afford to run a car? Even petrol, does he expect you to pay for that too?

I also think driving is a really important life skill, I learnt at 17 and have been running a car ever since. Difference is, I was working.

My neice is 17, not a single one of her classmates have their own car. Most are learning to drive, some have part time jobs to contribute to £35 an hour lessons.

Other neice 19 in a city, none of her friends or their siblings drive or drove until last year of uni.

19 Nephew, own car because he uses it to drive to college. Has been working since 16, gets extremely high bursary and still lives at home. Only 1 of his friends/teammates/fellow students same age has their own car, although a few have passed their test, two others already lost their licenses.

Driving lessons aren't a right and it's nice if parents help with paying for them but driving is a responsibility and imo being responsible financially for that makes better young drivers than ones who were handed everything on a plate.

So funny how many posters look at their immediate circle and think that translates to all 17 yr olds across the country
"I don't know any 17 yr old without a car"
"I don't know anyone who had a car at University"
"Every 17 year old I know practised on their parent's car"
and so forth.
Crikey, even with a sample of my own 3 dc, they all had different experiences from one another.

Honestly, none of those things are 'must dos' among my parent friends.

67 hours is the average according to research and comprises of both lessons and private practice.
https://readytopass.campaign.gov.uk/driving-skills/track-progress-learning/

Two different things. Only one of which your driving instructor mentioned. No idea whether you have accurate figures for all those other people. In my experience, people are rarely honest about the amount of private practice they've had. There's a lot of bravado attached to driving. Perhaps everyone around you is fully transparent about all their plans though. I wouldn't know.

Bear in mind as well, that the pass rate differs across centres, the 'average' is 48.2% and the first time pass rate hovers around 50%. Meaning that 1 out of of every 2 drivers fails their first test.

In relation to that, with the current backlog of driving tests, DC might still have to wait despite being able, and so may require lessons/practice in the gap in order to maintain their test ready condition.

When you consider all these things 67 hours of total driving isn't that much.

Thank you.

Oh, I see. My son is doing T levels so they had proper exams and a employer set project to do in their first year too.