To not support 17 year old DS in getting a car?

[TrickStan]

DH and DS are both badgering me about getting him driving for his 17th birthday. I completely disagree.

We’ve costed lessons, a cheap but decent car and insurance and it is already looking at around £7k. Although we do have that money, we are currently also trying to redecorate and redo areas of our house and garden, we aren’t quite sure of costings yet.

My main issue with it, aside from the up front cost, is that I do not want to fund the ongoing costs of another car. We already have two between DH and I, and I can already foresee DS coming to us asking for petrol money, insurance, MOT, servicing, repairs (which let’s face it, on an older car is quite likely!) I didn’t get a car until I had a proper ‘adult’ job, had left education and could afford all costs. I’ve said he could do lessons and his test, then think about a car once he’s finished college but he’s moaning.

Their solution is that DS will get a job. But, as I’ve explained to them both, he might find keeping a job and doing his A Levels plus social life a struggle… also all of his earnings would be going on the car! When I pointed this out to DH, he said that DS can just sell the car if he can’t afford it, which I think is ridiculous and will only lead to DS being more upset than if he hadn’t had the car in the first place.

AIBU to think a car for most 17 year olds is pretty silly? We do not live rurally. We are within walking distance of a train and we have access to buses. Plus we have never been tight about giving him / his friends lifts.

I wouldn't get a car now as he may well take over a year to pass I would get him driving lessons it widens the job market and is a start

We supported all the dc in lessons and getting a car and running it. We have the money and it's more important for us to help our children than spend it on other things. I'm not getting any younger at some point (soon!) I won't be here and what will it all be for no one will remember me for what my garden looked like

I would get the lessons so he can get his licence but not the car. That's what I will be doing for my son on his 17th next year. Reason being, I think it's good to get your licence as soon as possible, but I can't afford the insurance and he is a student without enough money to run a car. Plus, he plans to go to uni so may not use it then (eldest wasn't allowed a car at uni as no parking).

I work 220 miles from home. I don’t want to live there, but it’s where the decent jobs are, so a commute it is. The only thing walkable from my house is a pub. Pay there would be rather less than six figures. DH largely works from home which offsets it. (I get the train for most of the journey, strikes allowing, but still have to drive and park at the station.)

We buy nice/fast cars and keep them till they have nothing left in them. Have just bought a new sports SUV and about to spend £10-12k restoring a very rare 19 year old sports car in the hopes of getting another 20 years out of her. She’s worth significantly more than we paid for her - not that I would sell her - and worth every penny of maintenance over the years for the joy she’s given. And it is nowhere near 1/3 of either of our salaries.

DD will likely have a private pilots licence before she turns 17 but it’s rather hard to park a plane on the drive.

I'm in the camp of that, if you can afford it, then paying for driving lessons for your YP is all part of parenting. Dont underestimate the pressure on YP not having a drivers license whilst applying for graduate jobs as this could restrict their options. My DD is just about to graduate from uni.

I think it's absolutely daft to be making decisions about getting a car now.

He can have a block of lessons for his birthday. Then, once he's passed his test, is when the conversation about getting a car can happen. There is literally no point arguing about it now, it might take him two years to pass!

And that is exactly what I will be saying to my kids when they turn 17.

I’ll pay for lessons / tests, and costly insurance on the family car if DC will be driving a fair bit. Not paying anything towards a car for DC, regard that as a luxury.

It's much harder to pass your practical without a car to practice in outside of lessons. OP says they have 2 luxury cars that neither she nor her dh are prepared to sacrifice for one that her ds can use.
Whilst I don't agree that a car for a 17 year old should be expected, most households I know have cars that the dc can practise in.

Ah I didn't see that! No wonder the DH is pushing for a cheap runaround.
That changes things for me.

OP, driving lessons are very expensive. You'll hear lots about people passing with '20 hours of lessons' blah2 but the truth is, most of them will have had hours and hours of practice with a parent.
https://readytopass.campaign.gov.uk/driving-skills/track-progress-learning/
It takes on 'average' 67 hours of driving obviously many people do far more.

I passed as an adult learner purely on lessons and it cost me between 2-3K at just above £20 an hour. It's much more expensive now! You may very well find that getting him his own car + learner insurance will be cheaper.

It's also impossible to fully cost lessons until you know how quickly your son takes to it.

This really. My 17 year old passed his test first time using paid for driving lessons and a few lessons in his Dad's car. Turns out he doesn't particularly enjoy driving and is purely a functional driver to get from A to B. I have pay as you go insurance on my car for him as he drives so little especially as he's at Uni. In halls only those with mobility issues were allowed to park on site so even if he had a car there would be no point taking it.

Let him pass his test then if he really wants a car he can save up for it. I passed at 17 but only got a car after Uni when I got a proper job which was difficult to access using public transport.

DD passed with 20 hours of lessons.. no private practice as we didn’t yet have a car suitable for her to drive at that point. A good instructor is worth their weight in gold

I had 10 lessons and no other cars to practice in, but my dad had been talking to me about driving for years before I was able to have lessons. Done the same for DD, plus some young driver experiences (including a lambo).

It takes on 'average' 67 hours of driving obviously many people do far more

Have been scouring the political manifestos for any party offering to sort out the piss poor standards of driving on our roads. None are. 67 hours should see phenomenal drivers but weirdly, I don’t often spot them.

Not at all. You can get less than £3k.
I know 2 who have recently paid £1600.

When I was that age , people seemed to practice with far fewer hours/lessons.I suspect a higher standard is expected now.

Learning to drive at 17 is easy because they are used to learning, I have 3. I have helped all of them with lessons, insurance ( I work in insurance) and vehicles. It is part of being a parent helping your children the best you can within your limits.

I've paid for all lessons and insurance and will for my second dd. I want them to have every opportunity in life and driving opens up more opportunities

I think, yes teachthem to a drive is a parental responsibility. A new car is spoiling- they need to know the value of money

He needs to pull his finger out and decide whether driving it socialising is more important then. Has he not had a job before??

Wow glad I'm.not your child. You've got the money so don't be horrible. Poor kid

One step at a time. Sort out the lessons for his birthday and take it from there. Once he's passed his test it's done and never needs redoing. Proper life skill.

I know people who put it off when they were younger or whose parents didn't encourage them to learn and some still can't drive and regret it. Once they were older other expenses always came before driving lessons.

Get the lessons and test passed first then decide next steps.

DD got a Saturday job and paid for her first car herself. I think we helped with th insurance. If you have two cars it would seem reasonable to insure him on one or both of those.

Unless there is a defined need, i.e., to get to apprenticeship or zero transport options no 17 yr old 'needs' to drive..17 was introduced when the majority left school at 15 and had been working a couple of years. They acquired some maturity. The vast majority now don't leave education until far, far later.
It's an adult responsibility to drive.
The statistics on young drivers and accidents support this too.

DS has savings for learning how to drive.
He can buy his own car. That's not our job IMO.

I won't be buying him a house either. He can sort that out himself.

OP says they’re both powerful luxury cars. So maybe not.