When do you expect your children to move out?

[saidrick]

I am retiring soon and feel very tired and I'm looking forward to my retirement.
I have 2 early 20s and I quite like my privacy, I'm looking forward to slowing down but wonder when I will eventually have an empty house.
What's a reasonable age to expect them to fly the nest?
Is it just a case of let them stay as long as they like or do parents have an age they feel they've done their part?

I would hope that by age 25 they were mature, confident and financially able to move out completely.

My adult kids want to buy a house so they're saving for that. They also only finished/will finish uni at 23, possibly later. They could rent after uni but we'd all rather they stay at home, save more and get on the property ladder earlier.

Ours are 24 and 22. DD1 went to uni for 3 years and then moved back in, her and her boyfriend are now planning to live in Australia for a year, but I expect her to move back in for a while when they get back. I expect she will be fully moved out in the next 2 to 3 years.

I don't think DD2 has any plans to move out, we are happy for her to live at home as long as she wants, I would expect in the next 5 years or so she will move out.

I'm unsure why having them living at home changes your plans for retiring and slowing down. Could you discuss your plans with them and reach a solution where they stay but you still get some time alone.

it would have done for me… my parents wouldn’t have wanted a boyfriend of mine hanging round their home all the time and we wouldn’t have been able to share the same bed.

it was their house, their rules. But it was fine cos i respected them and it just motivated to work hard in order to be able to move into my own space. Which initially was a house share - why does no one seem to do that these days? Seem to expect to be able to buy a house yourself straight off the bat🤔

My parents were like that. It wasn't great and I moved out at 18 to uni and never went back. I rented which wasn't great.

My kids don't want or need to rent in a house share, other than at uni. Our house is nice and we're happy to have them here. Why wouldn't they stay here rather than live in a house share that won't be as nice and will mean they're spending more on rent etc when they can stay in a nicer house with us and save more towards getting their own house? I think some people think renting a house share is character building or something. I just found it to be shit. My kids have done it for uni but they're glad to be home in the holidays and look forward to coming home for a while after uni.

@ThatSongFromTheBar

because it’s good for young people to live with other young people! To have the freedom and adventure that comes with living in a house share or flat share.

and It does them no harm to go without home comforts - its character forming and motivating!

I feel like renting taught me a lot about what I did and didn't want in a house/flat and that I made much better decisions about a house purchase as a result

because it’s good for young people to live with other young people! To have the freedom and adventure that comes with living in a house share or flat share.

and It does them no harm to go without home comforts - its character forming and motivating!

Yes, you're one of those people that think it's character forming and seem to want others to not have it better than you did. For me, living in a rented house share was just bloody miserable. I've seen your posts on mumsnet and you never seem to understand that not everyone is the same.

My older kids have lived/do live in halls and house shares at uni, they found it ok but would prefer to live at home until they can buy their own place so that's what they'll do. They have their own space here, come and go as they please, have friends/bfs/gfs over and still manage to be motivated to work. save and enjoy life.

My mother would have kept me at home for ever if she could have. I wanted to buy a house with my inheritance from my father which she thought was a great idea until she realised my plan was to live in it myself. She said she would be heartbroken if I left. I had to get married in the end to get away! Which thankfully all worked out.

I lived in a shared house at age 17, the guy upstairs was a drug dealer, the woman in the room next to me used to steal my food from the kitchen. Certainly wasn't "freedom" or an "adventure".

No idea really, my child has their moments but pretty good so as long as it stays the way it is now whenever it happens it happens

That's just weird. I don't think anyone here is saying they want to stop their kids moving out when they're ready, just lots of us are happy to have them living with us til they want to move out.

Judging by this thread I think I’m one of the few parents who wants their kids to move out after Uni. I don’t want to live with my adult kids - I love them but I would prefer if they didn’t live with me - they are messy, stay up late and get up late - so live at the opposite ends of the day to us. They are grumpy and still have teenager tendencies. They behave differently when at home to when they share flats - they are tidy and respectful with their flatmates- at home they relax and don’t feel they have to. They feel as adults I shouldn’t be telling them what to do - I feel it’s my house and so I want things done a certain way. I’d rather not have the arguments with them - I’d rather they moved out but it’s not going to happen.

Jesus, I dream of the day that this will eventually happen.
Maybe it's more common for parents of one to want them at home. I have 3.
I'm going to be like 'FRRRREEEEDOM' Braveheart style

Ours moved out early 20s, both renting.

Oh, I would love it if my kids could move out, but as I said up thread it's just not going to happen. Our house is adapted for them, they would not be able to find the same without huge amounts of money, so we are stuck. Not ideal for any of us, but the best we can do.

I still live with my stepdad and am 39. Am I ashamed ? Yes and no. I can't afford rent or to buy and we live in London where even for someone on a very high salary it is tough.
The only people I know my age or younger have only managed to move out as they had a lot of family help or a higher earning partner. Gone are the days when your kids are out by the age of 18.

Between 24 and 30 is my guess.

I have an almost 18 year old and he is welcome to stay as long as he likes. We get on well and I will miss him when he goes to uni/leaves home. When he is working I will expect him to contribute financially if he lives here.

Ours will probably go after uni - we have a flat in London that we rent out that they can live in (I assume they will work in London) - also realise how lucky it is that we have that for them. Happy for them to stay for as long as they want tho.

I moved out at 25 (and 25 weeks pregnant) and absolutely didn't have a restricted love or social life.

My boyfriend was allowed to stay a few nights a week (he would give my parents some money) from when I was 17 onwards and while I didn't have friends round often - simply because one did have their own flat while we were at uni (I stayed at home and drove in), we were out every weekend.

The rules were that we contributed to house (1/4 of wages when working full time), did our fair share of house work and were respectful in terms of being quiet when we came home from a night out, no wild sex that anyone else in the house could hear, let my mum know if we weren't planning on having dinner as early as possible (we joined in with most family meals which she generally cooked) and just act like decent, nice adults.

We had a superb relationship, even through my teenage years, and still very much do because at no point was I ever made to feel like a burden or not wanted in our home.

I moved out and had my own family almost immediately. I felt safe, lived, supported and had plenty of confidence and independence.