When do you expect your children to move out?

[saidrick]

I am retiring soon and feel very tired and I'm looking forward to my retirement.
I have 2 early 20s and I quite like my privacy, I'm looking forward to slowing down but wonder when I will eventually have an empty house.
What's a reasonable age to expect them to fly the nest?
Is it just a case of let them stay as long as they like or do parents have an age they feel they've done their part?

Our were always welcome, but one only temporarily returned after uni for 6 months, before leaving permanently aged 22 , and the other bought a flat and moved out at 24. I think the main sticking point is being able to afford it. SIL has a daughter who has just moved out at 40, and another who has just come back after a relationship break up aged 38.

I left home at 18 and got stuck in the rent trap. Still can’t afford to buy my own home 17 years later. My children can stay with me as long as they need. I would far rather they stay at home and have the time to get themselves into a solid position, rather than struggle the way I did.

I have a ND 22 year old on not much more than minimum wage. I can't see it happening any time soon.

But he does contribute to cover his costs and also save, so we tick along. I am working on getting him house trained and we are making some progress 😁

once they could afford to buy somewhere- I hope they earn and save once they finish education. I will charge minimal rent to save aside for them and I certainly won’t cook and do their washing- but they can for sure stay at home. I hope they never have to rent if they stay in London (where I live)

@Anonym00se I do not want my dd to be at home forever where did I say that?
Of course I want her to have an independent life but I’m not going to be breathing down her neck every 5 minutes about moving out.
She is my child and will always have a home with me for however long she needs it.

I don't look after them and they do their own thing but they do have a lot of stuff which spreads out all over the house which I find messy but then they can't be expected to keep everything in one bedroom, perhaps it's the clutter and not being able to tell them what to do anymore so 3 different personalities and I seem to have the highest standards of the 3 of us so end up cleaning things that have supposedly been cleaned but not to my liking.

I think what age people move out now depends on how they plan to move. I’m 26 and my husband and I both worked from 16 and really saved hard through uni etc so we had our house deposit saved by 22 and bought then. We have friends who moved out before us who didn’t go to uni and rented which they always planned to do and didn’t want to buy so they were able to move out before we were as while I was only able to do part time work while at uni they were able to work full time and no huge deposit needed to rent. Then I have some friends still living at home and saving up for a house deposit, so I do think it depends how they want to move out and when they can afford to take that step.

I think it's reasonable not to expect their clutter to spread all over the house, if they rented a room in a shared house they wouldn't be able to take over the whole house. Now that they are adults if they still choose to stay in your house they really need to keep the house at your standard.

I think it depends on how well you get along. I could live with one of mine forever but not the other.

weve told ours they never have to. We expect them to be able to function independently and live without us, and obviously get jobs and married, but our doors are always always open to them.

I will be happy for mine to stay forever!😊

I moved out aged 24 and would move home tomorrow if I could!

It’s a lot harder now then it was years ago, I know so many adults returning to live with their parents. 2 family members have just moved back home within the last couple of years and they are in their 30’s.

I let mine stay as long as they wanted to. It was their home . They left to go to uni. Moved back in for a while then left again in their early 20s.

Mine went at 24.

I don’t want to worry you, OP, but I have a friend who lives with his mum (never moved out, as opposed to having moved out then moved back again)……he’s 54.

I left home at 25 and I think that’s a good age if not before. The thought of my children still being at home and potentially being in a position where they then feel like they couldn’t leave because of my health would break my heart. My DD never came back after university and my son moved out at 22 so me and DH are home alone. My dad’s sister still has her 42 year old son at home, I just think that is depressing that she hasn’t encouraged him to spread his wings. My BIL had no choice but to move out at about 25 as my PIL moved into a one bedroom bungalow.

⬆️This. I used to live in another European country where multi generational living was seen to be the norm. I think it’s lovely for families to support each other. I love having my children at home, one is mid twenties but ill so won’t be moving out for a long time. The others are teens but I’m happy to have them for as long as they wish and will miss them when they leave home.

My mom expected me to move out after my ga year when I went to college and that worked out fine. But that was back in the nineties when housing was affordable.

If I had kids now I would let them stay as long as they wanted. Housing is too expensive now to expect young adults to move out. I’d let them stay so they can save their money,

What I find strange about this is that on Mumsnet it feels like everyone's adult children live at home indefinitely.

But the stats suggest quite a lot of 20 somethings live independently.

In 2023, approximately 59 percent of males and 55 percent of females that were aged 20 still lived with their parents in the United Kingdom. In the same year, 47 percent of males and 29 percent of females who were 25 lived with their parents, while for those aged 30, the percentage was 16 percent for males and just five percent for females.

www.statista.com/statistics/285330/young-adults-living-with-parents-uk-by-age-and-gender/#:~:text=In%20the%20same%20year%2C%2047,just%20five%20percent%20for%20females.

One of mine left at 18 for uni ans never returned. My other has just left at the age of 32. Its not easy for young folk these days

I would hope that by age 25 they were mature, confident and financially able to move out completely.

I agree, it is very strange.

I have a friend who still lives with her parents, and she is married with two children.

I moved out at 18 and never spent a single night back after that, so never returned.

Id expect mine to be gone by early 20s maximum. Probably between 19-22 I’d have thought looking at their personalities and what they want to do. If it got anywhere close to 25 I’d definitely be strongly encouraging them to make their own lives, not actively kicking them out but I’d be worried.

Well, at least you have two extra adults in the house who should be doing a fair share of the housework, cooking and gardening. If that is not happening, you need to have strong words with them. The power is in your hands if you choose to use it.

I expected them to move out when they went to uni, temporarily. They were welcome home once they graduated. DC1 came home and only moved out when the commute to work was unsustainable. My others are still at uni. They all have a home with me forever and can come home anytime they want for an hour, a day, a week or to live full time.

I obviously can't speak for the nation but I'm done with the physical side of parenting - I'm done with the washing, cleaning and cooking - they are old enough to do it themselves. I don't understand why parents feel the need to be servants to adult children who feel they can simultaneously behave like a 5-year-old and a 25-year-old as it suits. Our kids want to live like students in our house...that's not for me and sure I can set boundaries and I can enforce rules but I don't want to - I'm done with that shit, I don't want the aggro, I enjoy life with dh - we get on well - there's no tension we both pull our weight - good for you if you have an adult dc who has learned to adult...mine are still a work in progress (despite a lot of effort btw)