When do you expect your children to move out?

[saidrick]

I am retiring soon and feel very tired and I'm looking forward to my retirement.
I have 2 early 20s and I quite like my privacy, I'm looking forward to slowing down but wonder when I will eventually have an empty house.
What's a reasonable age to expect them to fly the nest?
Is it just a case of let them stay as long as they like or do parents have an age they feel they've done their part?

My two are early 20’s. Not expecting to move in the next 2 years but I hope they do in the next 5.

I bought my first house age 21 for £25k despite only working part time however with the cost of house prices, I doubt they will be able to afford to buy one for at least 5 years. A two bed rental property is costing in excess of £1000 monthly where I live without utilities and I live in the north where it’s cheaper!

It makes no odds when people moved out.

Things are more difficult now.

I moved out for uni and never went back (now 26), DH moved out at 24 when we bought our first home. DSIS at 24 last year when they bought and her husband at 27. We're buying a house at the moment that'll be okay for our two boys to stay in indefinitely with larger bedrooms and an ensuite for us so they'll have their own bathroom

My son has moved out (26). My 24yo has no real plans to just yet due to how much it cost to buy/rent and she’s currently single so nobody to share costs with. I also have an 18 and 15yo so hoping they all think about a place of their own by mid 20’s.

All those that want their children to stay untill late 20s early 30s, would you have wanted to stay with your parents that long?

Genuine question, I can’t relate at all because I was homeless at 16 and my life took a turn I would never want for my kids but I can’t imagine waiting that long to start my own independent life.

my eldest is at uni now and he is welcome to come back, his room will be available of course, I just kind of assumed he would make a life in his uni city rather than come back to our small town.

it is not that I want them to stay, @HowDidJudithSurvive i left at 19 to live and work in the big smoke
but i never minded that ds stayed until he wanted to move out

i dont think anyone said they wanted their kids to stay?
i offered for dd to return

Doesn’t living at home as adults restrict their social and love lives?

Mine can stay as long as they like. I left home at 19 to live with my then boyfriend because my mother was pushing me and pushing me to “grow up.” Constantly rubbed her hands together with glee at the thought of her final child (me) fucking off. My boyfriend was abusive. That arrangement did not end well for me.

I’ve always said my children will have a space in my home as long as they need it and my husband agrees. I’d never want them to feel unwanted and worse, pushed into living with someone who hurt them. I know of other people (all women) who that exact scenario happened to: had to leave the family home or was kicked out, ended up trapped with an abuser.

No, my dd's boyfriend practically lives with us. When younger (16-18) I had to have words as she brought back a couple of randoms, told her to move out if she wanted that.

Looks like she'll be here until she's 30 as she's at uni and living alone home.

Mine are teens. They already talk of moving out after university, as DH and I both did.
We both got jobs after university and wanted to live nearby, rather than commute from home. I loved being 21 and living in a city by myself, even though I was counting every penny.
I assume DC will be the same. We are fairly well-situated with bus and train routes etc, but I expect they will look for jobs nationally/internationally rather than just in a 15 mile radius of our home.
I suppose if one ended up with a very local job they might live at home, but I don’t think it would be their preference!
But we shall see what happens. I think they will be eager to go, but they are welcome to stay if circumstances dictate.

My son is 21 and has grandly told me that he’ll be moving his future wife and kids in and staying forever. I just said, I’ll see what she’s got to say about that! He seems well ensconced and doesn’t look like he’s got any plans to move out. Me, on the other hand, I was gone by 20. I was really excited to have my independence.

I think a lot of parents just allow their kids to bring boyfriends/girlfriends/friends around as they please

It's no wonder they don't want to move out!

I can't imagine anything worse than having my adult children's boyfriends/girlfriends at mine all the time.

I was gone by 19 - to Uni, popped back for short periods like summertime. I would not have given up an independent life to live with my parents, - the fun we had living with people of our age - doing what suited us, no rules.
My brother stayed home until he got married, moved a couple of miles away, never travelled, only one out of six of us to live a sheltered life, he was also the golden child and could do no wrong. Family dynamics are a strange thing.

Given trends in adult children staying on at home, I imagine it might be at least mid-20s for DS. Had I had any idea things would go this way, his dad and I would not have moved to where we currently live: it's a nice country town, which is a great place for kids, families and older people. For those in their 20s and 30s, it's really not.

Seeing the lives that my neighbours' older children who still live at home have, it appears pretty dull compared with the city-living flat-share life we all experienced in our 20s. It seems like London house-share life is going to exclusively for those who go into high-paying jobs straight away, or are subsidised by their parents - excluding the less well-off from work in areas that are creative, third sector, arts etc, that are still primarily London-based. Renting is so hard in other cities too, due to supply.

It doesn't seem to. Our children can bring friends round whenever and as soon as they were 18, have BFs and GFs to stay whenever.

I think a lot of parents just allow their kids to bring boyfriends/girlfriends/friends around as they please

It's no wonder they don't want to move out!

I can't imagine anything worse than having my adult children's boyfriends/girlfriends at mine all the time.

I can't imagine not letting our kids have friends round whenever or BFs/GFs to stay over for the older ones whenever they want. It's their home, and to us, it's important they feel comfortable having people here.

I wouldn't feel comfortable in my own home with people just coming and going and staying whenever. And it's important that I am comfortable in my home too

I would be fine with notice/once a week overnight stays.

3/4 gone, dsd planning escape later this year then bliss!

I thought this but in reality I genuinely love their partners and they have fitted into our family seamlessly.
It's so lovely coming home to a house full of vibrant happy people and there's always someone to feed the cat.
That said, there are plans in place for all of them to move on in the next few months and I might have to get hobbies or foster kids because I know I'll be bereft.

I wouldn't feel comfortable in my own home with people just coming and going and staying whenever. And it's important that I am comfortable in my home too

I would be fine with notice/once a week overnight stays.

That's fine. I was just pointing out that people are different. Your post seemed to have a judgy tone by saying no wonder they don't want to move out.

Some of us are comfortable having our kids friends/bfs/gfs over whenever and our kids still do plan to move out. They're saving! And having relationships in the meantime.

Yes, re saving up. I don't know his ours would have got deposits together if they had also had to fork out for rent and bills. It's so very hard for young adults.

That. I would worry if they were unable/ didn't want to be independent adults.

Mine left home around then. One came back for a while after her relationship broke down, but always with the intent of finding her own place asap. I think she was here for about six months?

I realise that it's financially hard these days, but I'd worry if my kids were still living like children rather than independent adults, on their late 20s up. As for the 40+ bracket... their parents really should have made it clear that they needed to strike out on their own. If feel a failure as a parent in that situation.

Depends where you are

We're in London where it's v expensive to rent and hard to find a place

One of mine went at 24 (room in a shared flat) and the other one is still with me (turns 23 this year). I think it will take him a bit longer as he's in a fairly low paid job (though ambitious) but it makes sense he saves a bit now rather than spending more than 50% on rent

Mine are 19 and 17. We have a three bed semi with one bathroom. It's a pinch point in the morning, they are inadvertently loud coming in and out of the house at whatever hour, they are expensive and we are still doing the majority of the catering and cleaning. I do think it will be nice when they get their own space. The eldest is doing an apprenticeship so very much home based for the foreseeable. I'm trying to persuade the youngest to think about uni but he seems to want to stay in town with his mates and do the same. Like previous posters have said my husband and I have got many great memories of 90s city life and flat shares..I think they are missing out but it's different now, rents are silly money. They will always have a home here with us and it is a pleasure having their company but if they are stopping into their 20s we're going to have to have a shake up of who does what and pays what here. I really do hope they will be gone by their mid 20s at least for their sakes as well as ours.

@FormerlySpeckledyHen

it would have done for me… my parents wouldn’t have wanted a boyfriend of mine hanging round their home all the time and we wouldn’t have been able to share the same bed.

it was their house, their rules. But it was fine cos i respected them and it just motivated to work hard in order to be able to move into my own space. Which initially was a house share - why does no one seem to do that these days? Seem to expect to be able to buy a house yourself straight off the bat 🤔