When do you expect your children to move out?

[saidrick]

I am retiring soon and feel very tired and I'm looking forward to my retirement.
I have 2 early 20s and I quite like my privacy, I'm looking forward to slowing down but wonder when I will eventually have an empty house.
What's a reasonable age to expect them to fly the nest?
Is it just a case of let them stay as long as they like or do parents have an age they feel they've done their part?

This!

My dd1 left home 2 years ago at 21. I was gutted when she told me she was buying a house.

Stop feeding them!! My three have pretty much been feeding themselves since they were in secondary school. They were home before me and wouldn't wait. Everyone fends for themselves now. We don't all want to eat the same thing either.

I have mid 20's DC. They moved out for uni and then came home, neither in a LTR. As they want to continue to live near friends/family and work in the South the option seems to be stay with parents for a little longer to get onto the property ladder as singletons. The notion of renting and being able to save an decent amount for a deposit is out of their grasp unless they secure exceptionally high paid jobs.

I would love them to be their way by 30 but they know that there is always room for them at their family home.

When they get married and begin to have a family of their own.

Oh i totally agree, I’m not here for long term, but my parents have spoken out how they have loved me and the kids in the house. I also don’t expect my parents to house us long term ( or any parents to be housing adult kids long term), I also have paid for their water, board and and house phone line for the pass 13 years. But my husband is aboard for work and to save money (of course) renting out our place and moving in with my parents seemed like a good idea. (Not only that my toddler was hurt in our old nursery, so we had to move nursery’s, husband was worried about us staying in our old place as we had an intruder one night and everything just lead back to moving in with my parents)

And original post ask what aged did kids leave and if people see kids come back in etc I was just saying my situation.

I was the same as you when mine were younger - was devastated every time they came home for holidays and headed off again. They were all home for lockdown and I can honestly say, we look back on it as being a lovely time in terms of the time my family spent together.

However, it's been more difficult when the elder two graduated and moved home. One studied and worked away for 4 years and then got a job locally so moved home. The second moved home after graduating in a min wage job while jobhunting in an extremely challenging industry, but has now gone off to study again.

I love the bones of them, and they are my favourite people in the world to spend my time with, but man it's hard having 5 adults living in the same house! They don't want to be here - they would rather be living independently. It's a challenge for both parents and adult kids.

Mine did that while they were in uni, and after for that matter. Eldest has lived away in France and Spain, as well as a different UK city to us. Second went to a uni far from home, spent a year on internships in London, and is now studying in a major European city. It's going to take 2nd a lot longer to get on the property ladder especially as they want to live and work in London or another capital/major city in Europe.

It's my eldest's choice to live at home and save for a deposit. Hates living in shared accommodation - been there, done that, and there are some dirty, lazy pigs out there!!

I don't see anything "depressing" about it. We bought our first home at 27. Still managed to see a bit of the world and live our lives! Moved away to uni at 18 and only went back in the holidays, never lived at home FT again. Lived in halls, houseshares, rented flat in London with just the two of us. Having reached the 60-something point in life, it's abundantly clear that owning our own property puts us in so much of a better position for retirement. I'd do exactly the same again.

The two things aren't mutually exclusive. You'll be far more depressed at 60+ by not owning your own home, and I feel for those people not in a position to do so.

As long as he likes.
He's only 6 (nearly 7) but often tells me when he gets married they are staying with us and even if they have kids we are all living together ......love it.

But on a serious note I think it depends on education route, jobs etc etc after uni, I think most just house share and never move back

I have 3 girls: 23, 18 and 15.
Ex husband is wealthy and has offered to buy 23 year old a flat. However she's dragging her heels.
In the meantime, 18 and 15 year olds are sharing a bedroom and it's torture, with constant squabbles. That's downplaying it actually, as them not having their own space really has a negative impact on us all.
I adore my 23 year old and will be sad when she moves out. At the same time, though, it will be transformational for the rest of us as the teens can have their own rooms.
I don't want to rush her but wish she'd get her finger out.

Whenever my ds is ready really. He's 18, just finished at college (Music) abd is pursuing his music career. He has chosen not to go to Uni and we are happy to support him in this especially as we would be supporting him at Uni anyway . He has a home here as long as we wants, always will heve. We are very fortunate as we have another house (his childhood home, out first home) we were unable to sell. We rent it out to pay the mortgage on it so he will always have that if andb when he wants it.

I find this wild. I moved out at 20 my sister at 18 and I have 3 children of my own now in my 30's I can't imagine ever wanting them gone 💔 Of course if and when they are in a position to fly the nest I'll support them but my door will always be open for them to
come home if they need to.

Dont Think it’s so much about the parents wanting to get rid of kids, but how will people grow up if they don’t have to be responsible for themselves? I moved out by 19, to London (from my home country) and since then I always looked after myself. I knew I could come home if needed, but I didn’t sense it was what was expected and it really isn’t in my culture. I think I became very resilient due to this. Yes, I wasted so much Money on rent, and still at 40 don’t have a mortgage, but I don’t consider it my parent’s responsibility to sort me out. It’s interesting as I don’t know how I’ll feel w my own kids, I think I’ll likely allow them to stay w me for as long as they like, but another part of me feels like that may be spoiling them and setting them up for not being independent. So many people are overgrown toddlers these days, and I don’t want my kids to be like that

Ha ha! My son said to me that when he found a wife and had children, they will all live with me and I'll look after the children when they go out. He was about 7 when he said that. I could honestly see this happening and it would be ok for me I think 🤣

Presuming DS goes to university (he's only 5 currently, so who knows), then in an ideal world I'd like him to settle in his own place after he graduates rather than coming back home. We have another property very nearby, so worst case if he didn't have his own plans or means to facilitate them, he'd have the option to live there. I feel like it's important an important development stage to live away from your parents at that age, and it did me the world of good that my parents pushed me to do the same. Nothing to do with him not being welcome.

I would think pushing 30 will end up being the norm (for the single anyway) my dad was that age and this was back in the 50s. He'd lost his own dad in his teens so I'm sure his mother was glad of the company. I think it depends on the circumstances and options available. And being independent or not is more about personality than anything imo. Very rarely are all siblings still at home late, so what went "wrong" (if society insists on seeing it as a failing) with the ones that are still at home? Just their personality and/or MH issues most likely. And being single of course. Not everyone wants to travel and bunk up with friends.

I love my DC SO much and they've brought a degree of joy and love to my life that I'd hitherto never experienced.
However, I can't bloody wait for them to move out. Dying for it, as have plans/options for my later life that have absolutely nothing to do with them.
Alas, they are only 6, so it's a while off. And, levity aside, both have additional needs, so who knows.
I'm genuinely at my happiest when I'm on my own, but in a world full of choices, I will always choose them; it will always be them.
And, I tell them even now, wherever I call home will always be their home if they need it to be. We can be a codependent, dysfunctional houseshare.
Twin 2 threatens to live with me forever. Her current plan is to have 6 children, whom she wants me to look after, so she can do what she wants (😳).
Luckily, Twin 1 wants to keep her options open, doesn't want children and wants to marry lots of different boys and girls, so that she doesn't get bored and they'll do all the boring jobs so that she can do what she wants (🤯).
Levity aside, there's absolutely NO way I'd have them staying at home just so they could save towards a deposit for an house purchase. Noooo way.

One of mine is planning to rule the world from his executive pad in Australia when he finishes uni next year, he could end up anywhere but I don't think he will ever permanently live here again, he will always be welcome if he does though.

The other has finished uni and is at home. He lives here but I don't look after him, he does his own thing, shops, laundry, food, cooks cleans and pays me his share of the bills. The rest he saves, without a partner it will be a while before he gets on the property ladder even with a hefty deposit saved. No point chucking it away on rent when everyone is happy with the situation.

I really don't mind when either of them are ready to go.

So funny and relatable

by 30?
i cant say because two moved out after university
one didnt go to university which slowed the move
i never pushed him and cant even remember when he went, perhaps 26 ?

i never pushed any of them away, it is just a natural stage of life

i did say to dd 24 that she could move back if she wanted to save, but i cant imagine that happening!

@Homesweethome23

I moved out aged 24 and would move home tomorrow if I could!“

why?

When they're ready. They can stay as long as they want, as long as they're contributing to the household in some way.

It's their home as well, and if they have partners, there be welcome as well.

I was 25 when I moved out, my brothers were similar ages.

However, as we have four children in a three bedroom house they're likely to want to move out earlier for their own space!

My rules would be the same as my parents for us. Once in full time work, pay around 1/4 of wages as housekeeping. Laundry and cooking would still be done as part of the family meals and laundry but if they want something specific they'd do it themselves. They'd be expected to pull their weight by cooking a family meal regularly, helping keep on top of housework etc.

Our children are welcome to stay as long as they like. They'll also be welcome back anytime when they do leave. They're all young adults and teens now, they all pull their weight and are good company.