When do you expect your children to move out?

[saidrick]

I am retiring soon and feel very tired and I'm looking forward to my retirement.
I have 2 early 20s and I quite like my privacy, I'm looking forward to slowing down but wonder when I will eventually have an empty house.
What's a reasonable age to expect them to fly the nest?
Is it just a case of let them stay as long as they like or do parents have an age they feel they've done their part?

Mine will never leave as they both have disabilities. I had hoped they would have flown the nest but it's just not possible. I understand what you say about longing to be by yourself, a bit of peace and quiet would be nice.

I left at 18 and never went back, but I have friends who’ve gone back in their 20s, some in their 30s if it meant saving for a house!

As long as he helps out a bit and isn’t messy and pays his keep to cover food I don’t mind. He is saving very hard to buy a place as is his GF who is also at home with her parents. They will rent for a while before just to make sure they are compatible living together. They are both saving about 1k per month each currently.

Mine are a long way off that stage.

But I am totally uninterested in having housemates. That stage of life is done for me and I didn't enjoy it much when I did it in my 20s.

I don't want to negotiate who cooks when and whose turn it is to do the washing up and all that stuff. I don't want to have boyfriends and girlfriends regularly staying over all the time etc

The way I currently feel about it is that if my kids when they are adults if they want to live with us, they need to be properly part of the household, do an equal share, participate in family life, no boyfriends/girlfriends staying over more than 1-2 times a week. If they want full independence, they need to move out. And I am planning to save enough to help them with that.

Also - I intend to downsize in retirement because we have a period house that takes a lot of maintenance. Seeing other people's experience makes me want to do that before I hit 70 as it feels like it can suddenly get a lot harder to downsize. So after a certain point, mine will have to move out.

Mine can stay as long as they want, or leave and come back as many times as they want. (One is at Uni, the other is starting this year). The door is always open for them to live here if things (whatever they may be) get too much. I like my space but I also enjoy their company. It’s very important to me that they know they don’t ever have to ask if it’s ok to move back home, it always will be.

Hoping both will go to uni at 18.

I'll always keep a room for them just in case, but early 20s I'd say. I'd imagine them in a houseshare and saving for a deposit on a place of their own.

Hopefully 18 like I did. We’re looking forward to some peace & privacy.

You decide and tell them. Everyone is different. I grew up in a family were most kids were out by late teens early 20s, so very different to the world of mumsnet where adult children seem to never leave, or only when they can afford a house.

My DCs are still little but DH and have have agreed wed support them more than I was, I was having money taken off my at 16 for board so renting was no different to me, better as I had no parents making rules. DH was supported through uni and a little after. We’ve agreed that support through uni or what ever they decide to do, but once they are earning enough to financially sort themselves they can move out whether they can afford to buy or not.

Personally I’d rather they traveled and enjoy their youth than be worried about buying a house.

My mom sold the family home whilst I was at university so I didn’t have a choice but move out! Very drastic but certainly gave me a big push towards independence!!

Wanting them to be independent doesn’t mean you’re cajoling them to move out. I think most people would agree that in an ideal world they’d be able to afford to move on in their early twenties. But many young people can’t afford it, and many parents allow them to stay because of that.

But it doesn’t mean you can’t quietly wish it was different. I secretly look forward to the day where I no longer have to nag give gentle reminders about the mess, or the noise when she rolls in in the early hours, or the lack of hot water. That doesn’t mean I’m desperate for her to go, or that I won’t miss her when she does.

27 year old still living at home (came back after Uni). He's saving up to buy a house but as he's not in a LTR he'll need quite a lot as he'll be buying on his own. He does keep his stuff mainly in his own room though. He also works from home (although he only appears for 1/2hr at lunchtime).
I'm hoping he'll have moved out by the time he's 30 - and I'm sure he does too!
We're going to be away quite a lot over the Summer so it's quite handy having someone to look after the house.

Well, I don't have any children.
I was out by 22, I'm 45, post Communist country.
Very difficult, but it was the best thing I could have done.
At this time and situation, no idea.

My eldest two are currently having a gap year before going to Uni - one in the UK & one overseas. They are both working overseas but plan to join us on our annual summer holiday with extended family in 4 weeks time.

I suspect the one going to uni overseas won't return home full time every. The other one is about to start studying medicine so will be in education for years & we will be their base.

I've a long time before the other two finish education and no idea what either will do.

I've brought all my children up to do some chores around the house, cook meals for the family and be considerate. If they wanted to live her FT as adults we'd have a clear conversation about expectations & responsibilities. I'm not going to run around after anyone, irrespective of how much I live them.

I think people need to have a conversation with their kids when they first leave home to go to university. Mine were welcome back but on the understanding that they were either doing a proper full time job or working at least 20 hours a week and actively searching for full time employment and I do mean actively! They can have a year to search for work and just contribute to the household costs and if they are in full time employment they are expected to pay an equal share as the other adults in the house. Half of this we put towards costs and half we save away unknown to them as a deposit. If they are home trying to save for a deposit that is fine but not if they are not saving hard and are still eating out, partying every weekend or having several foreign holidays and insisting on driving brand new flashy cars. The world is a hard place but we have worked and saved hard to get where we are and I believe they should be expected to do the same.

DD will be 30-35 I would imagine. I’ve already decided when my parents pass away, she can have their little cottage, if it’s not sold for care costs. The joy of being and only child, with an only child.

I’ve told my parents and they are happy with that. I don’t need the house and she doesn’t stand a hope in hell of ever owning one without a large contribution from us. So she might as well have their house to either live in or sell as a deposit for what she wants.

Then stop skivvying.

When DS was about 5 he asked if he could live with me forever, I replied “you won’t want to live with us forever”,
To me, my role as their parent is to prepare my children to live independently. Theres a risk of infantilising your adult children if they stay too long. At primary school they prepared their own packed lunches, at 16 they did their own laundry and from about 13 they were cooking one family meal a week. I showed them how to do these things because they are life skills not because I wanted them to move out. I want them to be independent. I know families that are almost incestuous the way they are so codependent. That would be my worst nightmare.

I have four adult children and until last year they were all living at home as well as ds1's girlfriend. DS1 moved out with girlfriend and now lives in a rented flat. DS2 ( aged 23) still lives with us and the younger two are both at Uni but obviously home in the holidays and no doubt may need to come back full time after Uni. I am in no rush for them to leave, most of the time I love having them here. I come across a lot of older people who have adult kids living with them, many in their forties and fifties. I met one 96 year old lady recently who had her 73 year old son living with her and still cooked his dinner each night !! ( sorry op ! ).
One of my colleagues has her 27 year old dd at home and I have a few colleagues who are asian and it is commonplace to have intergenerational living with adult kids and spouses living with them.

We own a nice 2 bed flat nearby which we rent out. My plan is to see if the kids want to move into it after uni while they save for their own houses.

Mine (25) is moving back here to save for a deposit it seems very common here and there will always be as home for her if she needs one but I love my own space too!

Also - I intend to downsize in retirement because we have a period house that takes a lot of maintenance. Seeing other people's experience makes me want to do that before I hit 70 as it feels like it can suddenly get a lot harder to downsize. So after a certain point, mine will have to move out.

We’re the same, @spriots , we don’t want to live in our rambling terrace when we’re older. I think we could stick it out until our mid-60’s if necessary, when our children would be early-30’s. I think they’d prefer to move out before then though, DD (19) is very proud that she’s moving into her first flat with her uni friends in August. She doesn’t want to live with her “annoying” brother and her parental units anymore!

Honestly I kind of plan to move out myself. Might get a little holiday home on retirement so I’m not in their way. I can’t see them affording a deposit or a mortgage any time soon given the house prices.

My siblings and i left for uni and rented with friends thereafter until moving in with partners etc. My parents live in a small town, we all moved to cities with better job prospects.

DH and i live nearer London - i can imagine our DC coming home after uni to save a flat deposit for a couple of years. I'd expect them out by 25 though.

I don’t ever want mine to leave. 20, 17 and 8 and I hope they all want to stay.