When do you expect your children to move out?

[saidrick]

I am retiring soon and feel very tired and I'm looking forward to my retirement.
I have 2 early 20s and I quite like my privacy, I'm looking forward to slowing down but wonder when I will eventually have an empty house.
What's a reasonable age to expect them to fly the nest?
Is it just a case of let them stay as long as they like or do parents have an age they feel they've done their part?

My DSS and his GF moved out last year and my 25 yr DS has just moved back in as he is back in the UK looking for a job. Fortunately he is a fully functioning adult and we have lots of room. He is great company and love having him back.

ds(20) won't finish uni until he is 23, he currently stays at home/commutes as it suited him with location/course and also I didn't mind as it saved me a lot of money too. I hope after a couple of years to find/settle into a job he leaves home within a couple of years of finishing uni.

He is keen to move onto the next step of his life after uni so I don't foresee it being an issue, unless he can't find a job, but obviously that could change!

I'm 55 and my children are nearly 19 and just turned 16. I love them to bits but I can't wait for them to move out!!!! I'm tired of always thinking of what to have for dinner every.... single..... bloody.....day!!!! Of finding soggy bath mats and empty toilet rolls 😡😡 i now hide a bath mat so I get a dry one 😂😂😂😂 on a serious note as soon as they find a decent job they will be gone

I moved out at 17 to go to uni and could never have gone back after enjoying independence. Tbh I struggle to imagine why young people
would want to stay until late 20s. I certainly won’t Chuck mine out when the time comes but I’ll be encouraging them to travel, work, explore the world in their 20s. Not play it safe. It’s time to grow into themselves and I hope I will have them ready to go it alone with distance support by late teens.

@shellyleppard

You need them to move out for a bit - mine came back completely housetrained after uni

You don’t really mean this do you - you want to keep them at home till you die? I want my kids to live a life beyond my house - I’d feel a total failure if they never left home.

Within a year or two of graduating from university. I kept 'my' room at home until I finished university, which coincided with my mum moving house. I lived in the new house for about five months but my room wasn't really mine, iyswim - we both knew I was looking for jobs in either London or my university city, so it was just a convenient stopgap whilst I got my act together (I did pay a nominal amount of rent, but far less than if I'd been privately renting).

Mine moved out at 18 for university and got a job in his university city after his degree so stayed there

@midgetastic tbh they are pretty good. They do the cleaning and we share the cooking. Its just like the COVID lockdown sometimes..... can't turn around without tripping over someone 😂

That said, my brother is 37 and had stints of living at home on and off until about a year ago, so 🤷‍♀️

I can't believe any parent can actually ask this and mean it? Your children didn't ask to be born. The cost of living is astronomical. Can't they have a roof over their heads for as long as it takes them to get their lives together without a parent wishing them gone? Sad.

It probably depends where you live as well, if DS had moved back home it would have been a lot more difficult to get a decent job without a large commute as we live in one of those dull towns without much work

My friend is in this position but her youngest is 7 now and they've got them in with them on a double bunk bed. Mum and dad on the bottom and youngest on the top bunk. Two teens sharing the biggest room and their eldest who is mid twenties in the smaller one.
We've got 2 teens sharing and we're relocating so they can have a room each and will be able to stay at home as long as they need. It will also be more affordable for them to move out, when they're ready so they can save a deposit or rent somewhere.

Ours are 27 and 24. We’ve never had an issue with them staying at home as they’re both really good to spend time with.

The oldest came home after uni and then moved out again when he was 25 to live with his long term girlfriend. Six weeks later they split up and he moved back home “for 6 months” while he saved a deposit. That wasn’t easy due to him being on his own and not being on a big wage as a young teacher.
He ended up being here for 18 months until he completed on his house purchase 3 months ago.

The youngest had been making noises about getting a place with his girlfriend of 6 years, but it’s been complicated by them being in a long term relationship for the last year. In the last few weeks they’ve split up (it’s amicable), they couldn’t see a way to move forward without one of them giving up a job that they’ve worked hard to get (there’s not really anything in either of their fields should either move to be with the other). It looks like he’ll be here for a few more years now.

We’d actually been looking at moving out of the area once he’d left home, thinking it was something we could possibly do in the next year or two, doing it before would add too much to his already long commute and he isn’t yet on the kind of wage where he could afford to move out and live alone.

My eldest didn't come back after uni. I was surprised to be honest but she found a flat share in London where she needed to be and has just got on with life. My youngest I'm not sure. He has SN. He's only 13 and I'm nearly 55. I'm a lone parent. I imagine he'll be at home for a long time but I'm ok with that.

Whenever they’re ready. I’ll be a parent until I die. I know what it feels like to have no backup or place of sanctuary.

Dd1 went at 23
Dd2 went at 27
Basically when they had enough for a deposit

Kind of wish I’d stayed home as a young adult tbh! I rented from 21 and only bought aged 36. Imagine what I could have saved had I lived at home. I might live in a much nicer house by now. Still, I guess I did enjoy the independence.

DC1 is autistic and I can't see him moving out until his 30s, he might never move out. He'll always need a lot of support and it's easier for me to provide it here than if he moved out. DC2 & 3 are still primary aged and I hope they'd move elsewhere for uni, but we're in London so there's a good chance they'd end up working here if they go down a graduate job route, so they could end up living here after uni to keep rent down. We live in a town house so I don't think it would feel too crowded with them here, they'd have their own floor.

I'm 30. I moved out when I was 25 as me & my partner bought our own home.

I do think if I hadn't have had a partner then I couldn't have moved out as the house prices are so high so I think if yours don't have partners then it will be hard for them to afford to move out.

I guess it depends on why they are there, saving for the future, health issues, or unavoidable housing difficulties. Temporarily, yes, I'd expect it at any point. If they are workshy, lazy, immature, nope..door is at the front, they need to use it. Houseshare, renting a room, concentrates the mind on maturing.

I would not mind having a grand house so my children can live with me forever (their families included).
They are fun, kind, smart, helpfull amd love me.
How tbe hell could I not want them around??

It's not cold to expect grown kids to think about a place of their own. Each case is different of course. For perspective, my PILs still have a 40 year old 'kid' living at home. The 40 year old is severely autistic (low functioning) and quite frankly, an arse. My MIL is pushing 70, my FIL is 75. They should be enjoying retirement, but no, they have a 40 year old layabout on disability benefits living with them. They're going to be forced to move out once my PILs pop off this mortal coil. They don't have a job and no hope of meeting someone, so there might be pain on the horizon for everyone involved.

I was 23 when I moved out, my now DH was 22.

Here I am hoping not forever.... but I have bought my 3 year old a house already- tenants are in and it costs me £50 a month (after tax and insurance) should be paid by the time she is 20- if I have more shewing have to share the assest- but I can afford it...

Depends where you are, up north, we all left for uni and were properly moved out by 23, only occasionally going back for longer holidays. Down south, I’m guessing it’s much longer given the house prices.