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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Upset we weren't invited to the wedding

258 replies

Daisypod · 29/06/2024 15:31

My step sister is getting married in august, the invites went out a few weeks ago and it's become clear me and dh aren't invited. I asked my mum about this and she confirmed it, said she had asked my step dad about it and he just said he didn't want to get involved.
Mum and him got together when the kids were older teens/young adults so step siblings have never lived together but we've always got on. We all live in different cities and even countries but we have get togethers at Christmas etc
The wedding is abroad and child free (we have a few kids) but one of the other step siblings got married last year and it was child free and we went and had a lovely time, we had zero problem with this.
It's become clear also that it is going to be a very 'instagramable' wedding and we just don't fit in, all their friends are glamorous and we are homely and overweight.
They have invited family of parents, step parents, full siblings and their partners and about 40 friends according to my mum but we haven't made the cut.
I know the usual mn attitude is people can invite who they want to their wedding but Aibu to feel sad and angry at not being invited?

OP posts:
LeopardPrintIsNeutral · 29/06/2024 15:32

Yanbu. That’s a low blow tbh

gamerchick · 29/06/2024 15:34

Well at least you know how they really feel about you. They don't need much of effort making in future.

wizzywig · 29/06/2024 15:37

I'd be upset too and would find it hard to forget that

TheOriginalEmu · 29/06/2024 15:39

YANBU. I was and still am hurt that I wasn’t invited to my stepsisters 50th birthday party. We aren’t super close but we’ve always got on. It really changed my opinion of her tbh.

Ozanj · 29/06/2024 15:40

You know how she feels about you. No point making a fuss over her for anything any more.

LuckysDadsHat · 29/06/2024 15:40

Just ignore them from now on. Shown their true colours. And be relieved after the hurt has settled a bit that yoy haven't got to pay out ££££ to give abroad and be celebrating a wedding of someone who is a bitch. Don't send them a present either. No invite, no present.

Longdueachange · 29/06/2024 15:41

I know its not the point, but for me going to an overseas childfree wedding would have been a logistical nightmare, so whilst I would have declined I would still have been obliged to send a gift. Send a card wishing them well and spend any money you would have wasted on the wedding on a lovely weekend for your family.

rubyslippers · 29/06/2024 15:42

YANBU
its really shitty behaviour

DonnaBanana · 29/06/2024 15:44

Weddings are often quite boring and you’d have to figure someone out to look after the kids so I’d consider it a relief to be honest. Feel slighted but now you know their true colours and don’t need to buy them birthday and Christmas gifts any more

Horses7 · 29/06/2024 15:45

YANBU

FuzzyStripes · 29/06/2024 15:46

YANBU to feel sad about it but it’s probably saved you loads of money and having to politely smile amongst loads of people who aren’t naturally the type you’d be friends with, whilst worrying about how you will look on Instagram.

Jeschara · 29/06/2024 15:46

Higher your bar OP by not carring about them, they are the sad, plastic,fake, no substance people you really do not need to accociate with.
You say you have a few children, show them you don't care and mean it. You are real people, they are show offs. Carry on being the nice person you are.

iwentjasonwaterfalls · 29/06/2024 15:47

YANBU to feel hurt and angry. Once the immediate feeling passes, try to minimize the amount of headspace you let them take up. Don't go chasing after them, don't agonise over the next time you'll have to see them etc - just be blissfully unbothered by / oblivious to their presence.

DedicatedCakeEater · 29/06/2024 15:47

LuckysDadsHat · 29/06/2024 15:40

Just ignore them from now on. Shown their true colours. And be relieved after the hurt has settled a bit that yoy haven't got to pay out ££££ to give abroad and be celebrating a wedding of someone who is a bitch. Don't send them a present either. No invite, no present.

This.

Wow, that's unkind of them.

Let's hope that one day they don't experience the harsher side of life and see all their instagramable friends go running.

My relative is like this - always looked down on us not-quite-as-stylish ones- she's run out of money now and is struggling.

saraclara · 29/06/2024 15:48

I asked my mum about this and she confirmed it, said she had asked my step dad about it and he just said he didn't want to get involved

What a coward. I'm not saying he should kick off about it, but surely he could say "have you not invited Daisypod?"

DedicatedCakeEater · 29/06/2024 15:49

iwentjasonwaterfalls · 29/06/2024 15:47

YANBU to feel hurt and angry. Once the immediate feeling passes, try to minimize the amount of headspace you let them take up. Don't go chasing after them, don't agonise over the next time you'll have to see them etc - just be blissfully unbothered by / oblivious to their presence.

I agree with this too - stay quietly confident in your own life, bright and breezy, give them politeness only.

Trenda · 29/06/2024 15:51

Being in the same 'homely and overweight ' category myself I would be thanking my lucky stars that I wasn't expected to have to attend this wedding.
Dont give them another thought -except to plan an equally expensive (taking wedding present, meals , flight and hotel, childcare plus whole new wardrobes and spending money all into account) holiday to somewhere of your own choosing at the same time. All inclusive to Turkey for you all maybe?

Riffraffarchitect · 29/06/2024 15:51

I have experienced this myself. And it made me realise what she really thought of me.

When it happened to me - my other step sister rolled her eyes at the wedding plans & said “this marriage will never last”…she was bridesmaid so had to go...

Less than a year later they were divorced and the instagrammable blowing of bubbles at the bridge was a distant memory (and so was our sibling relationship!)

CollyBobble · 29/06/2024 15:51

'It's become clear also that it is going to be a very 'instagramable' wedding and we just don't fit in, all their friends are glamorous and we are homely and overweight.'

You only think that.

It may be that they just don't see enough of you to warrant your going to the wedding or that they don't like you as people and nothing to do with what you look like.

Riffraffarchitect · 29/06/2024 15:52

Bride not bridge 😂

Original poster
Daisypod · 29/06/2024 15:52

Thanks everyone for letting me know I'm not unreasonable. Embarrassingly I had assumed I'd be invited and had money put aside and was looking forward to a few days away as it's in a country I love. Childcare wouldn't have been a problem.
I shall try to book something else to do with the kids.

OP posts:
loropianalover · 29/06/2024 15:53

Wow! This is pretty low. I think if there’s a nasty streak in someone, weddings just seem to draw it out.

YANBU to be sad, I would be sad too.

Sunnydiary · 29/06/2024 15:53

I think you should see this as an opportunity to do something fun with all the money you will save on not attending this wedding.

magnoliablooms · 29/06/2024 15:53

Mum and him got together when the kids were older teens/young adults so step siblings have never lived together but we've always got on. they just don't feel close to you. That's ok.

Kartoffel54321 · 29/06/2024 15:55

Unless it's a very, very small wedding or you have upset her without realising (and she hasn't said anything) then YANBU. As others have said, at least you know how she feels going on!