Upset we weren't invited to the wedding

[Daisypod]

My step sister is getting married in august, the invites went out a few weeks ago and it's become clear me and dh aren't invited. I asked my mum about this and she confirmed it, said she had asked my step dad about it and he just said he didn't want to get involved.
Mum and him got together when the kids were older teens/young adults so step siblings have never lived together but we've always got on. We all live in different cities and even countries but we have get togethers at Christmas etc
The wedding is abroad and child free (we have a few kids) but one of the other step siblings got married last year and it was child free and we went and had a lovely time, we had zero problem with this.
It's become clear also that it is going to be a very 'instagramable' wedding and we just don't fit in, all their friends are glamorous and we are homely and overweight.
They have invited family of parents, step parents, full siblings and their partners and about 40 friends according to my mum but we haven't made the cut.
I know the usual mn attitude is people can invite who they want to their wedding but Aibu to feel sad and angry at not being invited?

OP you say you were already married when your mum got together with their dad. If you only see them at family events it sounds like you don't have a particularly close relationship with them.

I wouldn't take it so personally and think that they're not inviting you because you're not "Instagrammable" or because they don't like you. People view step relationships in different ways. Particularly if they come about when people are older. They may not see you as close family especially if you've never lived in a family situation with them. Just becuse their dad married your mum it doesn't automatically mean you are going to have a sibling relationship.

I think people are being really horrible towards the stepsister on here based off the OP deciding (based on what?) that she hasn't been invited due to being overweight. Saying she's shallow, a bitch, and going to get divorced shortly after the wedding. She probably hasn't invited the OP because she doesn't view them as family, which isn't that surprising since she didn't even know the OP existed until the OP was old enough to be married.

@Daisypod you've made some pretty judgemental comments towards your stepsister on this thread and thanked others who have joined the pile in on her. Perhaps she just knows how you really feel about her and doesn't want you at the wedding because of that?

agree, i'd be hurt too but you have to adjust what you thought they meant, like instead of step sister ranking, you have to reclassify as cousin's daughter.. detach. Hurtful though.

The OP is speculating about this ‘Instagram thing’. You can give a shit about how you look, want a wedding to look top notch and have high expectations of your special day and still be a decent person.

YANB, OP, that's sad, and you've got no choice now but to readjust in your mind the relationship you thought you had. Your mum must be upset too, and in a difficult position. From your posts, I'd say it's very much your stepsister's loss. I hope you do something lovely with the money you've put aside.

They've shown their true colours. Ignore them, let them get on with it and don't bother with them.

If you've put a little money away anyway and have childcare available, i'd be booking a little break away with DH.

I have thanked others for sympathising with me. I have made the Instagram judgement as over the last month the wedding prep has really ramped up and hen do etc has been had and it was very much instagrammed in a way that is very typical of stuff being done with social media in mind (I've been doing some work in social media so recognise the styling, hashtags etc). I have nothing against this but I do know we would not fit the aesthetic.

At least you don't have to buy a gift - ever.

Yes, I'm surprised at the vitriol. MN hates weddings and social media so OP complaining about an Instagrammable wedding was a like a red flag to a bull.
BTW @Daisypod you don't know that every single one of the other attendees are erm glamorous. You only what you see on social media, since you're not actually in this woman's life. The non-glam friends might just not want their photo taken or to be on Insta so you don't know they exist.

I was initially feeling a bit of sympathy for you, but the more I read, the more I think step-sibling made the right decision. I hope this gets picked up by journos, so she sees it and realizes what you really think of her, if she doesn't already know.

That’s incredibly awkward.

@sixpiacksally could you tell me what I have said that you find so offensive? Genuine question. I said I was very hurt at not being invited and that what I have seen of the wedding planning I felt we didn't fit the aesthetic and could be why we weren't invited. Usually she is very nice but this seems to have changed recently.
Also people assume we don't see each other much but we have attended each others birthday parties, get together for meals whenever we are in the same city and the cousins play together, sorry if I gave the impression it was much less than that.

FFS. OP has said, not far up this page, that she LIKES her. Which is why she's hurt.

It does seem odd to exclude you imo because your kids play together and you meet up for meals independently of your mum and her dad etc.

These threads always highlight how differently people view step family relationships and loyalties. Some people view them as family or want to be family and others are happy to be virtual strangers.

Look on the bright side OP - no need to buy a gift or donate money for their instagrammable 'honeymoon'.

Spend the money you have put aside on something for you and the children and enjoy every minute of it.

Have a holiday in the country in question but not at the same time as the wedding. Also, you now know you don't need to bother with her again.

Yeah he's being a useless twat. Id be annoyed at him too.

This^ 100%

We got married abroad and I didn't invite my step siblings.. I guess though I was late 20s and they had only been in my life a few years and we saw each other so infrequently, maybe only a few times a year when I would see my dad. I honestly felt they wouldn't have wanted to come anyway , destination weddings are expensive and only if you're really close do I think they are worth going to. We only had 40 people at ours. I honestly didn't give it a second thought (maybe I should have on reflection!!)
If it was the UK I would have invited them I think had I done a bigger do!

@saraclara OP didn't say the she likes 'her' in particular. Just that she likes her 'step-siblings' as a whole. There was no indication of her relationship with this particular individual. Until this post that is.

OP, everything you said about your step-sibling has been negative. You've made multiple comments about how 'Instagrammable' the wedding is - and jumped to conclusions about not being invited because of that. You ignored my comment about how you could possibly be so certain that every single one of the other guests fit the 'aesthetic'. You also added the bit about the friend not being able to attend...why? For all you know, the bride might have made a lot of effort for the friend, and this hasn't been reciprocated.

If you're close enough to meet individually as frequently as you now stated, then it's simple, just ask her why you're not invited. Heck, if I had a friend that I was that close to, it would be very awkward to not be invited... especially as, if I saw them frequently the wedding would come up as a topic of conversation.

I agree I think it's really bad form. you will have to rise above it and be cool with them in future. I am a beliver that step sisters etc are classed as family but you only have to look at lots of posts on mumsnet especially when comes to holidays that people don't see them as part of the family. I say your step sis is one of them.

If you feel you are close enough for an invitation then YANBU, but people on this thread who seem to think that any family member, blood or not blood-related, has some strange inalienable right to be invited then they ABU.

How helpful that your stepdad won't get involved. What a wimp 😩🙄