Upset we weren't invited to the wedding

[Daisypod]

My step sister is getting married in august, the invites went out a few weeks ago and it's become clear me and dh aren't invited. I asked my mum about this and she confirmed it, said she had asked my step dad about it and he just said he didn't want to get involved.
Mum and him got together when the kids were older teens/young adults so step siblings have never lived together but we've always got on. We all live in different cities and even countries but we have get togethers at Christmas etc
The wedding is abroad and child free (we have a few kids) but one of the other step siblings got married last year and it was child free and we went and had a lovely time, we had zero problem with this.
It's become clear also that it is going to be a very 'instagramable' wedding and we just don't fit in, all their friends are glamorous and we are homely and overweight.
They have invited family of parents, step parents, full siblings and their partners and about 40 friends according to my mum but we haven't made the cut.
I know the usual mn attitude is people can invite who they want to their wedding but Aibu to feel sad and angry at not being invited?

To me though family would always come first, many of their friends they have only made in the last year due to moving. Funnily enough I heard from one of her best and oldest friends from her home town who told me they are mad with her as she can't afford to go and has no childcare, they think she should make the effort.

It's become clear also that it is going to be a very 'instagramable' wedding and we just don't fit in, all their friends are glamorous and we are homely and overweight.

You have six weeks or so to lose weight, OP. PM me for some diet and exercise tips.

*LOL fuck them, OP. Honestly - if the reason is as you suspect, that’s one of the shallowest things I’ve heard in a long time.

BIL got married yesterday and didn’t invite any of his siblings!

They don’t feel close to you. They probably have mixed feelings anout your mum too but can’t exclude her. You didn’t grow up together. Stop being so sentimental about them. Don’t put yourself out for them anymore.

Have you thought of going for the holiday and spending time with your mum?

My mum has to go to the wedding as if she didn't it would be seen as a massive snub ironically. We go away together at other times though.
People are probably right they just don't like us, that feels really sad as we've been in each others lives for 20 years and now feels like it was all a show, I actually like my step siblings 😞

It sounds like it's more style over substance and they can't see what is most important - friends and family, rather than photogenic acquaintances.

If you have some money put aside then book something nice for your own family.

I might send a card, as I am like that, but I wouldn't be getting them a present.

I'm like you, never lived with any of my step family, but see step brothers etc at Christmas and other events, we all get on.

There's no way my stepbrothers would be further up the priority list for my wedding than my actual friends though, and I wouldn't automatically be expected to be invited to their weddings either.

I don't really see them as my family, they're just people I happen to know because my mother remarried. I like them, but they're not people I ever actively choose to spend time with.

I don't think you've not been invited because you're "not instagrammable", you just have different expectations of what step family means than they do.

YANBU. Did she come to your wedding?

I don't think it means they don't like you. My dad remarried when I was late teens. I've never lived with his wife's kids. I like them well enough, get along with them when I see them, but I don't consider them to be family & I don't refer to them as my step siblings. I didn't go to any of their weddings & they didn't come to mine. I would send a card and think about where you can go with the money you saved.

I hope they don't expect a gift though. How boring and shallow are their lives that all they care about is how others look.
I give it 5 years max. She'll have her instagram honeymoon then perhaps an instagram baby shower/ instagram christening, despite not being remotely religious. Then there will be nothing else. At a push an instagram 1st birthday party for their child.

Yeah I think that’s really bad form! I feel for you and for your mum.
I think your step dad has been a complete wet blanket, imagine saying “I’m not getting involved” when you’re talking about people you’ve been a step parent to for 20 years.

As hard as it is try not to internalise it, you now know where you stand and you can be sure to save your time and effort in the future.

Your step dad can also get lost too, I’d be crossing him off my Xmas card list

It's a bit premature to assume that you weren't invited purely because of your weight.

Unless you were the only ones, and all of your siblings + step-siblings were also invited? Are you saying that they're all glamorous etc etc? You said family but didn't say whether it was everyone except you

Being invited to a different step-sibling's wedding is irrelevant to this.

How mean-spirited some people can be! I'd be annoyed with your step dad too - that's not good enough!

You're not wanted for whatever reason so sod them! Spend your money on a nice trip with your children. It'll be far more enjoyable!

Are you her only step sibling? Or do you have other full siblings who have been invited?

I would be really hurt by this, given how you describe your relationship until now.

I get that there can be restraints on wedding budgets, etc but for a step sister and her husband, I'd definitely make it happen.

I'd now just disengage beyond basic civility. She's made her feelings towards you quite clear.

I'm the only step sibling. They didn't come to my wedding as I was already married when our parents got together

Wow that was not helpful at all, do you enjoy kicking people when they’re down?
I honestly can’t think of a worse comment to make.

OP I've never met yourself or your step siblings but I know I'd rather spend a day in your company than theirs.

You sound so lovely, why not book a week/weekend away somewhere lovely just you and your hubby?
Your step sister sounds snobby, every family has one of them don't worry.

This is a difficult one for me OP.
Initially, I thought that you were the only step-sibling left out.
However, your parents got together with older children. You all live in different places and have the occasional get-together. You've never lived together as a family.

Step-parents obviously have to be invited as the partners of the actual parents. Full siblings, obviously as a family.

You think you should take precedence over the 'new' friends but the reality is, the latter is probably much more involved in their daily lives, while they only see you a couple of times a year. 40 friends, if in couples are actually just 20 people.

It's hurtful that you don't have the close relationship you thought you did. Definitely.

They don't sound like very nice people though being annoyed that not everyone can shell out for a wedding abroad.

Thank you, I may be a bit hormonal but that's just made me tear up 😌

I’d be upset too. Go away anyway, maybe just you and your other half, and have a lovely time

I think that’s very mean and shallow if the reason is as you suggest.

Will you be seeing them before the wedding? Plan something to say if you are.

I agree with this!
Also OP having no full siblings of your own maybe it stings a bit more - that you're not considered part of the family?
'Getting on' to me is neither here nor there. I can socialize with a lot of people, but I don't reveal details about myself beyond the surface level. They don't know the real me and if they do, would be very surprised!

Fair enough if you have an active Whatsapp group, are constantly in contact and then suddenly are not invited. But if you only see them a few times a year, and know details about their life from social media (like everyone else) or the rest of your family you can't be that close really...?

Sorry this has happened to you. YANBU to be upset. I see some comments suggesting it may not be the way you look but... DH's niece got married last year and didn't want us there (me really because I'm the fat one) because we wouldn't look good in the photos. SIL told her to grow up and invite us which she reluctantly did. We only found this out when another member of his family asked why I wasn't in a single photo and her sister told them it was because I spoiled her wedding by looking the way I look. Her sister is lovely and was very unhappy about this attitude. She was unhappy with lots of other things as well and doesn't make as much effort with her any more. Turns out his niece had told the photographers to either avoid photographing me or delete me.