Upset we weren't invited to the wedding

[Daisypod]

My step sister is getting married in august, the invites went out a few weeks ago and it's become clear me and dh aren't invited. I asked my mum about this and she confirmed it, said she had asked my step dad about it and he just said he didn't want to get involved.
Mum and him got together when the kids were older teens/young adults so step siblings have never lived together but we've always got on. We all live in different cities and even countries but we have get togethers at Christmas etc
The wedding is abroad and child free (we have a few kids) but one of the other step siblings got married last year and it was child free and we went and had a lovely time, we had zero problem with this.
It's become clear also that it is going to be a very 'instagramable' wedding and we just don't fit in, all their friends are glamorous and we are homely and overweight.
They have invited family of parents, step parents, full siblings and their partners and about 40 friends according to my mum but we haven't made the cut.
I know the usual mn attitude is people can invite who they want to their wedding but Aibu to feel sad and angry at not being invited?

I think you can feel sad for a bit then move on. At least you know where you stand with them now- knowledge is power.

Have they told you your style didn’t fit with their wedding/wedding photos? If not, it is a huge assumption to think you were not invited because of being overweight or not fashionable.

My bet is that you were not invited because you are not close to them directly. You may have been at the same parties when your step dad is present but if you don’t see them at all when he is not, you are just acquaintances and not close enough for the smaller numbers that destination weddings are about.

I take it you weren't invited for the hen either, OP?

I wouldn't be spending one penny on her. Not so much as a card. I'd be polite and civil if I saw her again, but that would be it. No asking after her wedding. No warm expressions of best wishes for her future happiness.

Did I read this correctly, @Daisypod ? You are the only step-sibling? Are all her full siblings going?

Save you a fortune as no travel or accommodation cost, no present needed

and when they want to borrow you baby stuff - er, no! When they want favours, remind them to work their way down their wedding list invites first.

Have they told you your style didn’t fit with their wedding/wedding photos?

Highly unlikely they phoned OP up and said, 'You're too Fat to Photo'.

You would have to think that they have a serious problem with you for what ever reason of you aren't invited ? I have half siblings and if I got married there is one I wouldn't invite purely because once there is alcohol involved they always start arguments or physical altercations with their brothers or father and I wouldn't want that at my wedding .

One of the reasons I said about the aesthetics is there is a very strict dress code for colours being allowed to wear.
I know I should really ask outright but quite frankly I don't want to hear the rejection in person.
Thank you everyone I shall move on, concentrate on my family and put it down to me feeling the relationship was more than it actually is.

I wasn’t invited to my half brothers wedding, none of us half siblings were. We found out on Facebook - to be honest it really opened my eyes to the personalities of him and his wife and I haven’t made an effort with the relationship since. It’s a clear message from your step sister, YANBU

I wouldn’t expect an invite to my mums husband’s daughter’s m/sons wedding, they’re not my relatives

It sounds like you're not actually that close then OP, especially if you didn't live in the same house when young and live far away from each other now. Am I right thinking that other extended family members like cousins, aunties etc aren't invited either? It sounds like they are the sort of people who are closer to friends than extended family, which is fine. They probably didn't want to assume that all of their extended family would want go to a destination wedding. Hope you have a fantastic time going somewhere with your DH and kids instead x

YANBU @Daisypod and I don't know why a few people are being harsh with you here. You have every right to be miffed at being left out. The fact that they are inviting 40 friends but not their step-sister (you!) just stinks tbh.

Please don't feel too blue - at least you know she doesn't think of you as a close relative now, and don't have to be arsed with her - ever.

Also really shitty of your step dad to not want to get involved. What a coward.

YANBU, and you are now liberated to distance yourself from them - or at least, don't put yourself out for your step-sister ever.

Exactly this. ^ Fuck not being a blood relative! (Some posters have said 'well you're not a BLOOD relative OP!!) That is utterly irrelevant. The bride is a STEPSISTER who grew up with the OP - and she has known her for years. Not being invited - as this poster says - sends a clear message. You don't mean much to her.

Return the favour @Daisypod . It really is a case of 'when people show you who they are, believe them.'

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Do you think this could be your own insecurities talking though?

It sounds like she views you as someone who happens to be the daughter of her father's wife. Rather than as a relation of hers.

If you didn't meet until you were old enough to be married, I can understand this. My MIL has step siblings that weren't around until they were all adults and while she thinks they're perfectly nice, they don't socialise, or chat, or involve each other in their significant events. No animosity, just no feeling of being obliged to invite them just because their parents got married.

I’m sure it’s hurtful. You thought you were relatively close, she clearly feels otherwise. It sounds like you’re a good bit older, so I can understand it to a degree.

I’d be giving them as wide a berth as it possible within your family dynamic.

I married quite young, they are marrying a lot older, there's only 5 years between us.

Yeah a lovely venue in the sun with fancy food, booze flowing and people dressed up to the nines sounds really shit.

YANBU that's really low.
In your shoes I wouldn't be making much effort for them in future.

It's possible the 'blended family' isn't as great for everyone. I really dislike my step sisters but I don't think they would realise. I hate the way they've encroached on my family over the years, mainly due their grabby mother. Im not saying it's the same but there are often winners and losers with step families, the winners may not realise the resentment of the losers. Also your snobby use of the term 'instagrammable' wedding may show a distain for them that they don't want at their wedding. just giving a potential other side.

Well if that’s how they want it fair enough. However no fawning over Wedding photos.
No congratulations and no likes on Facebook or instagram and certainly no gifts. If they don’t want you part of it they don’t want you part of it. They can’t have it both ways

I'm sorry OP

They can only get your goat if they know where you tie it up.

They can invite who they want but they would be dead to me from now on.

No birthday cards or texts, no happy Christmas cards, no presents, no visits, no asking after their health, nothing.

If they’re at your parents then be polite but make zero effort.

And your step-dad is a twat too for not getting involved.