Is petrol expense a family or personal expense ?

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Me and my partner will be buying a house in the near future . We have a child together and are planning to pool our finances once we have purchased a house. Currently our finances are separate.

This evening we were talking about what are family expenses and what are personal expenses . I shared that petrol , repairs and and MOT for both of our cars should some out of the family budget.

My partner disagrees and states that as I earn more than him and I work in the office 3 x a week it should come out of my personal expense . My partner currently wfh and is in the office once a month. I shared that when he gets a new car the funds should come out of the family account but if he wants me to pay for my petrol then he can pay for his car.

He shared that him contributing towards my petrol is possibly financial abuse. I then said this is a household issue and expense as me going to the office 3 x a week is important so I can keep my job , especially as I’m the higher earner.

We both have never combined our monies together before.

AIBU- petrol & car repairs should not come out of personal allowance?

If he is already giving you shit for earning more I would rethink putting budget together.
But on another hand I was higher earner for majority of our relationship and we always kept all finances together.

Hmm, well thats a good start!

Presumably both cars will end up being used for family things, evening/weekend drives?

If he wants to share your wages then he should share the burden of how you get to the office.

Why do you need to pool your finances? If you're the higher earner just split the bills at a ratio, he pays for his car and petrol and you pay for yours?

Agree previous poster about rethinking budget if this is his attitude already. I’m the higher earner but I also don’t drive. But DH drives for us for family needs so I pay at least half of all car expenses including petrol some things I’ll pay more for.

Is that the only expense you disagree on? Does he not use the car at all- family trips on the weekend, grocery shop etc? You’re right that you using the car allows you to go to work and earn so that you can contribute to the family

I don't get it. I agree - it's a family expense to ensure earnings. But you ate pooling finances so surely it's pooled and maybe you each have a butnfor random discretionary spending but otherwise it's shares?

Difficult, l don't drive and have no interest in the car, we share all bills but l pay nothing for the car, l will pay for petrol occasionally, and always when we use it for long journey. I don't really think we need a car bit DP wants her car.
Maybe just keep your own car bills separate.

All the money goes in together, all unavoidable expenses and joint activities (holidays, meals out etc) come out of the joint account, you decide between you how much to save, the rest is divided for each person to spend on what they want.

I have been married 30+ years. We have never had a joint account. Therefore, we each pay for our own petrol (& lots of other stuff). It makes life so much easier and means that we hardly ever need to discuss money. Job done.

I would run and not look back. This is not going to end well.

DH and I don't have joint finances, we split household bills proportionate to our income and then pay for our own bills (cars, phones) individually.

So women should old pool finances when they are the lower earner? Sounds fair. Go feminism!

To me pooling finances is just that and think twice if you can’t agree this early. Being accused of financial abuse for your thinking is a big red flag reconsider moving in

We put in a car pot everymonth (joint money) to cover service, mot, tax and repairs. And also class petrol as an expense we both travel to work 1 day a week (1 a 20 min round trip, 1 a 2hr round trip)

We basically look at all the money coming in, phone, contacts and a personal pot amount (equal for us both) comes out and then it all gets put together and split into different pots.

This is crazy. It's a family expense, surely?!

We had one person with car and one person buying a train season ticket when we first moved in together. Both then came out of shared/family money.

We both benefitted from the car and the season ticket was an essential expense for work.

There's no right or wrong, different people would agree on various splits.

Personally I'd see it as a shared expense in that it's a necessity of life. I'd imagine most couples would share all the necessary things and then have individual money for things they personally enjoy, or expenses that relate to things like children from previous relationships.

What's a problem is him accusing you of financial abuse for making a perfectly reasonable suggestion.

I agree with your approach- cars and petrol are either in or out in terms of shared expenses. If you drive your child to the zoo together is one of you supposed to transfer petrol money to the other? If one of you does every childcare drop off and pick up do they also wear that expense? How stupid, you're a family.

If he wants petrol to be separate then he can fund his own car as well.

Fucking hell, id want to run because he is screaming "financial abuse" about a perfectly reasonable discussion. It's genuinely alarming.

Petrol to workers a personal expense, as is his car. You hothnpay seperately to get to work and decide how to pool yur earnings for household bills.

I don’t understand this. You are a team. Just pay out of the family funds. It’s should be either all pooled or if separate, like mine, whoever is more flush at that point will pay it. No tally keeping. There should be no resentment at this early stage.

We have a joint account, which we pay equally into for joint expenses, then personal accounts. Fuel comes out of joint account, even though I drive much more than DP. He's a tight ass, but has never questioned this. Probably because I'm quite financially generous generally.

Ignore everything else. Why is he crying financial abuse?

You pool everything. Then share what is left for anything that isn't a recurring expense and isn't for 'fun' like hobbies, shopping for clothes etc.

Everything considered a bill/expemse comes out of the account. Anything left is shared equally

Not remotely ‘job done’ if you earn different amounts but want to have a shared standard of living. That’s before you consider the impact of having children on each persons earnings. Great if it works for you but it often wouldn’t be practical.

Not a good start. If you have one car ATM then surely it's family car you both use/benefit from? If so fuel/repairs/tax/MOT should be from joint pot.

Could be either depending on circumstances, but the crucial thing is that you and your partner should agree on it. We typically pay our petrol separately as we have two cars and our commutes are very different lengths, but if going on holiday in just one of our cars then we fill up from the joint account. If we only had one car, then everything would be shared.

It’s a family expense. Perhaps, if you must be picky about it, petrol for long personal trips (eg hen party four hours away) should be paid for from other personal budgets.

back to petrol for work commute thought…. I’m curious about , when DP wfh, who will be paying for the heating, electricity, tea bags, etc for them???

Yup