Is petrol expense a family or personal expense ?

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Me and my partner will be buying a house in the near future . We have a child together and are planning to pool our finances once we have purchased a house. Currently our finances are separate.

This evening we were talking about what are family expenses and what are personal expenses . I shared that petrol , repairs and and MOT for both of our cars should some out of the family budget.

My partner disagrees and states that as I earn more than him and I work in the office 3 x a week it should come out of my personal expense . My partner currently wfh and is in the office once a month. I shared that when he gets a new car the funds should come out of the family account but if he wants me to pay for my petrol then he can pay for his car.

He shared that him contributing towards my petrol is possibly financial abuse. I then said this is a household issue and expense as me going to the office 3 x a week is important so I can keep my job , especially as I’m the higher earner.

We both have never combined our monies together before.

AIBU- petrol & car repairs should not come out of personal allowance?

I don’t see the problem with paying for your cars separately and paying household expenses proportionate to your incomes.

It doesn’t even come close to financial abuse.

If he's starting this financial abuse stuff this early on I'd put a stop to any thoughts of joint finances. I'd also have a good hard think about having a child with him.

I would think VERY carefully about buying a house with this princeling.

He sounds petty.

I assume your higher earnings are helping fund this nicer house than he could afford alone?

It all coming out of the family pot is fair as it means no one person is shouldering more of the cost of chauffeuring kids.
But if he doesn't want your fuel to come out the family pot then he doesn't use the family pot for his own car either.

I think he is crying “financial abuse” as he thinks as he earns less than me he’s going to be hard done by paying for my petrol. Having spoken to
family/ friends who pool their money this is the done thing- car stuff is a family expense.

My thought is if one of us needs a new car which would benefit our family , it would be a big ask attempting to use our personal discretionary fund for this, hence why it’s a family expense .

If it's work it's surely a household expense

By his logic the heating should be his personal expense since he works from home!

if he’s talking financial abuse now I’d be putting a halt to moving in together. My husband earns 2 1/2 times my income. Everything goes into the same pot and we each have the same “spending money”. Spending money is for our hobbies, clothes (but not essentials like work suits) and to be honest it’s still very loose. I can’t imagine bickering over a tank of fuel because one of us used the car for a pleasure trip.

ao who pays for child related expenses?

He's accusing you of abuse and you haven't moved in yet. I wouldn't bother because he sounds like a prick. If you must move it together then split the household bills (rent, utilities, internet, phone bill, sky, council tax, food, toiletries, cleaning products etc) proportionate to your incomes. Let him pay his car, mobile, gym ect and don't bail him out if he's skint. Make sure you have an exit plan and exit money because I think you'll need it in the future. Also, make sure you take on equal household and parenting responsibilities. Start as you mean to go on.

I don't think I would want to live with someone like this

Yes my higher earnings are helping us buy a house together. I currently own the house we are living in. I’m ensuring my deposit is protected and will be tennants in common.

I spend £150 a month on petrol so would end up having £150 less each month but the petrol is enabling me to keep my job ………..

This all sounds very petty.

We pool all money, so everything is shared. If he doesn’t want to do that, then I suppose you have to just pay for your own cars out of your own money. It’s not the way I’d want to do things though.

All car expenses are joint, one of us has a big comfy car for long journeys and holidays, and one has a teeny run around. We often swop around day to day depending on who is going where
All our money goes in one pot, and then we have the same amount for personal expenses.
Petrol is a family expense, so comes out of the joint account with all the other car expenses

Think you need a lot more conversation about finances, and also look into what really constitutes financial or any other abuse.

Family expense, buying the car, petrol. Unless one person never want in a car and paid their own train fares. If he’s going to be like this I wouldn’t pool money, as yes he might save a bit on not paying for your 3 trips a week but he’s going to lose out as you’re the higher earner. My ex and I used to argue about money all the time, we stopped pooling money, so when we split he had lots of savings and I didn’t. It wasn’t fair, as I paid for all the kids expense. That’s why he’s an ex and I’m happily single, I couldn’t go back to the days or arguing tit for tat like this. My parents just pooled everything and that made life simple

When you buy your house will you be putting in the same amount of money?

If you earn 3 x what he does, I imagine not.

I would get a solicitor to draw up an agreement that ring-fences any larger contribution you make - he wouldn't want to financially abuse you by owning more than his fair share would he?

Alternatively, buy a property solely in your name and draw up a cohabitation agreement if he lives in it with you. I would not be combining my (much better) finances with a man who accused me of abusing him for wanting to share petrol costs. Unless this is a completely isolated incident, I would presume this relationship isn't going to go the distance; he has resentment of you and your higher earning capabilities and he's not afraid to throw that in your face, that really doesn't bode well.

To me, pooling money and being a partnership means all money in one pot. All household bills are paid from the pot, all shared savings are deducted, and what is left is split between the two of you.

Cars and associated expenses come under household expenses imo.

This tit for tat would have me leaving , not buying a house!

I would stay renting (if you rent), lower costs if you split up.

It's the quick escalation to accusations that's the problem here, he's training you not to argue with him and to agree to something that's probably unreasonable if you really think it through.

I'd keep your finances separate too even if you buy.

Salary = family money
Therefore costs incurred to make salary = family expense
Petrol, work clothes, lunches (to a certain extent)

The ‘financial abuse’ comment is concerning. Is he worried he will have much less than you for personal spending? Can you agree an equal amount of personal expenditure and everything else, including the car cost, is from the joint pool?

Wow no he sounds like an idiot. I'm actually speechless at him whingeing financial abuse.

Given that you currently own your house, I’d be calling a halt for another year, while you thrash this out, and definitely never marrying him. He will have half your much much larger pension off you before you can sing D I V O R C E

he is out to take big advantage of your financial stability.

hes shown his hand rather too soon, don’t you think ?

By his logic, he's going to have to assume more household bills because he works from your home.

Heating from 9-5 is his expense. He'll be drinking water and flushing the toilet.

Or maybe you can charge him by the hour to rent your house as his work place?

What a twat.

Can you instead deduct any work related expenses before calculating your take home pay? Same effect but he might feel less that he is supporting you? Or just pool in for bills and keep any excess you make individually.

This attitude towards money does not bode well for your future together.

Pooling finances could be a very bad idea.

He shared that him contributing towards my petrol is possibly financial abuse.